01
A few days ago, I swiped a video on the Internet, which left a deep impression on me.
A netizen shared that he doesn't eat soybeans.
The kind that will spit out when you eat a little bit.
Her parents didn't understand and kept trying to correct her habit.
I tried every means to force her to eat.
One dinner, there was a big bowl of pork ribs and soybean soup on the table, with tofu and roasted pork.
Netizens knew that her parents were going to force her to eat soybeans again.
So as soon as my heart was crossed, I directly picked up the bean soup and drank it, and I picked up the tofu and ate it.
But even if she barely ate it in her stomach, she still couldn't stand it.
After a few bites, I started to vomit.
After vomiting, she continued to eat, and after eating, she continued to vomit.
Until he vomited blood and went to the hospital.
Surgery was performed to remove part of the stomach, and it gradually improved.
But the first thing she said when she woke up was, "Bring the tofu." ”
Her parents were silent.
From then on, I didn't dare to force her to eat soybeans.
This video made me both angry and sad.
Sometimes a parent's desire to control can really become a sharp knife to stab the child.
Never underestimate a child's determination to rebel against their parents.
You never know how explosive they are.
02
I think of two characters in the TV series "In the Name of Family":
Li Jianjian and Qi Mingyue.
The two are friends.
But the family circumstances in which he was born were completely different, and it can even be said that they were diametrically opposed.
Li Jianjian was born in a tolerant, loving family.
Qi Mingyue is the opposite, her mother's desire to control her has been very strong since she was a child.
How strong is it?
As long as her results fall out of the top three, she will be criticized.
You can't take the second test, but you will be rewarded for the first test.
Every parent-teacher conference.
Her mother would know everything about the students in her class.
After finding out who was the first in the class, he pulled her to make friends with the other party.
And she is only allowed to make friends with classmates with good grades.
So for Li Jianjian, who is at the bottom of the grades.
Her mother was adamantly opposed to the two becoming friends.
On the other hand, although he grew up, Li Jianjian's results were not ideal.
But her father, Li Haichao, rarely criticized her.
Compared with grades, he wants his daughter to be happy and have something to do.
Li Jianjian likes to paint and sculpt,
He never stopped.
In the end, Li Jianjian became an art student with this hobby.
You don't need a high score to get into the university of your choice.
But her good friend Qi Mingyue failed to do so.
Her mother wanted her to go to the University of Political Science and Law and become a lawyer in the future.
She was unwilling, and in order to resist, she directly filled out one less answer sheet.
In the end, I only went to an ordinary university.
It's really embarrassing.
Parental control is like a mantra.
For the child, the tighter the hoop, the more painful the child will be, and the more he will want to resist.
The child's emotions are not released reasonably.
The end result is a lose-lose situation.
03
Parental control,
In fact, it is not just a question of education, but a question of the way of expression of love.
Don't Qi Mingyue's parents love her?
It's definitely love.
Doesn't the parent who forced his child to eat soybeans at the beginning love his child?
The same is love.
It's just that they don't know how to express it.
I think that everything I do is for the good of my children.
But that's just what they think is good.
Lessons learned from your own limited past experience are used to educate your children.
Let's hope they don't repeat their mistakes.
There is a saying: If you have a rigid view of the three views, don't blame the world for being mean to you.
Qi Mingyue's mother is too controlling,
In the end, the child did not do well in the college entrance examination and failed to become the dragon and phoenix in her heart.
Her husband was also afraid of her and eventually divorced her.
She is both capable and earns money, and she also takes care of the family's work.
If she is not married,
It is estimated that one person can live beautifully.
But she got married, and treated herself as she treated, her children and her family.
But it caused an irreparable tragedy.
I think, at the end of the day, it's that she doesn't know how to love someone.
Love is respect, understanding, empathy,
Not control and possession.
The best education, or the best love, is to help children become themselves.
Instead of making him what you like.