Mr. Qian Zhongshu said in the article "Eating":
"Eating also has many social functions, such as connecting feelings, talking about business and so on, and the subtlety of communication is nothing more than this."
I deeply believe that people always inevitably deal with others, and the focus of the dinner is not on the "meal", but on the "bureau".
In interpersonal communication, low EQ is often reflected in inappropriate verbal behaviors, while people with high EQ always express themselves calmly and easily win the favor and respect of others.
On the dining table, the combination of meat and vegetables reflects the bits and pieces of life; Between chess games, the offensive and defensive strategies are full of wisdom.
People who have insight into the way of advancing and retreating at dinner are those who have mastered the essence of the overall pattern of life.
Respond skillfully, be moderately humble
In the book "If you have a good time, you will know it by eating a meal", there is a passage that is particularly well said:
"In the workplace and in the business field, people inevitably put on a layer of cautious clothing, and dinner is the most relaxed and impossible time for a person to disguise.
Three or two small wines are in the stomach, and between pushing the cup and changing the lamp, the nature will be revealed. ”
Dinner can show a person's cultivation and character.
Zeng Guofan knows this well, and when he chooses a son-in-law, he likes to invite people to drink and eat.
Zeng Guofan had five daughters, but only the youngest daughter Zeng Jifen was unmarried.
He took a fancy to his friend's son, Nie Zhongfang, and invited him to his home as a guest, while his daughter and wife quietly observed in the dark.
During the dinner, Nie Zhongfang maintained a humble and polite attitude in the face of Zeng Guofan's questions and praises, and skillfully responded to them one by one.
He inquired in advance and knew that Zeng Guofan was not a good drinker, so when Zeng Guofan asked if he drank alcohol, he said that he didn't drink a drop of wine, and only ate three bowls of rice with relish.
After the meal, Zeng Guofan specially instructed Nie Zhongfang to choose foreign cloth for each member of the family, and he carefully selected suitable fabrics according to the personal preferences of his mother and sister.
The mother and daughter, who were hiding in the shadows, carefully looked at the visitor in front of them, and saw that they were handsome, humble and polite, and considerate, and they were very satisfied.
Through this meal, Zeng Guofan also thought that this young man was not good at drinking, had good conduct, and was a rare young talent, so he happily decided on this family business.
After marriage, Nie Zhongfang and Zeng Jifen were deeply in love, and the two supported each other, not only in family life, but also in their careers.
Among Zeng Guofan's five daughters, Zeng Jifen lived the longest and lived the happiest, which was the envy of the world.
The dinner table can not only see the character, but also the pattern.
People with high emotional intelligence never face any dinner lightly, and they are good at using meals to deepen their friendship and connection with each other.
After the dinner, when the other party says "let you break the bank", the answer "You're welcome, not much" is a sign of low emotional intelligence.
This can be seen as being taken lightly and can be seen as deliberate, causing unnecessary suspicion.
The best way to respond to politeness from others is to be humble and answer tactfully.
When facing the Elders, you can answer, "It is a blessing in my life that you are here today";
When facing friends of the same generation, you can answer "They are all friends, don't say anything outside of you, next time you will be treated";
When facing former classmates, you can answer "Old classmates, I haven't seen you for a long time, let's talk about the old days today";
When facing the people who meet in Pingshui, you can answer "Meeting is fate, I will do it first as respect, you can just feel free".
People with high emotional intelligence are able to skillfully transform a meal into a lubricant for family harmony and an accelerator on the road to wealth accumulation.
As Wilde put it:
"Etiquette at the dinner table is a manifestation of self-cultivation, an important part of taste and upbringing."
Only when both parties can maintain a comfortable state can a stable and comfortable social relationship be formed.
Bring the relationship closer and strengthen the relationship
Since ancient times, family gatherings or dinner meetings with friends have been an indispensable emotional bond.
The meaning of inviting guests to eat is far more than a full stomach, but more like a kind of emotional exchange and deepening.
Such a story was recorded in "The Biography of Su Shi".
Once, when Su Shi chatted with historian Liu Gongfu, he recalled his past preparation for the exam:
"So-and-so and my brother...... Enjoy three whites a day, eat very beautifully, and don't believe that there are eight treasures in the world. ”
Hearing the temptation of such delicacies, Liu Gongfu's interest was instantly ignited, and he hurriedly asked:
"What is three white rice?"
Su Shi replied with a smile:
"A pinch of salt, a plate of raw radish, a bowl of rice, is three white."
Liu Gong's father smiled awkwardly when he learned that he was being ridiculed.
After some time, Liu Gongfu sent an invitation to Su Shi to his home for a banquet and invited him to taste 皛 (xiǎo) rice.
Su Shi likes to study food, so he happily agreed, but when he arrived, he found that the so-called rice was the three white rice he mentioned before.
Su Shi endured the meal, and invited Liu Gong's father to his home tomorrow to taste the cuì rice.
Liu Gong's father knew that Su Shi must have "no good intentions", but he still went to the banquet on time.
The two chatted very speculatively, until after the meal, Liu Gong's father couldn't help but ask where the rice was.
Su Shi laughed out loud and said:
"Salt is also hairy, radish is also hairy, rice is also hairy, what is it that is not hairy?"
In ancient times, "Mao" meant nothing, and there were no three whites, which was "毳" rice.
Liu Gong's father did not get angry after hearing this, but laughed heartily, because of the same dinner, the two became friends with similar temperaments.
Until their later years, they still joke with each other and add joy to each other's lives.
The end of a dinner may be the beginning of a new friendship.
As the host Chen Ming said in hosting a show:
"At the dinner wine table, drinking it often is not the taste of wine, but also the taste of friendship."
Dinner is not only a way to socialize, but also a good opportunity to maintain relationships.
In the face of others' politeness, we should not only respond skillfully, but also take the opportunity to get closer to each other and enhance our feelings.
In the journey of life, we will meet countless people, and we don't have to invite too many people into our lives.
But some feelings also need to be maintained and operated, and the dinner is the best medium.
Life is only 100 years, and when you reach a certain age, don't live too lonely, you might as well open your heart and try to get out the door with old friends or make new friends.
If you can't drink wine, you can drink tea, and if you don't like the hustle and bustle, you will find quiet.
Three or two friends confide in each other's daily life, encourage and support each other, and can live their own wonderful life at any time.
Build bridges with each other and achieve each other
As we get older, those who are comfortable in social situations will become more aware of:
The essence of socialization is based on mutual respect and understanding, not one-sided selection or compliment.
As the old saying goes:
"The weak step on each other, it is difficult to move an inch, and the strong help each other and cross others and themselves."
People are mutual, and the weak often set limits on each other, drag each other down, and eventually both fall into trouble;
And people with a big pattern will be grateful to each other, set up a platform for each other, and work together towards a broader road, crossing others and themselves.
When Li Bai traveled to the land of Bingzhou, at a dinner, he happened to meet Guo Ziyi, a young general who had not yet become famous.
He has a unique eye and is full of praise for Guo Ziyi, believing that he is a rare genius in the world and will be able to shine in the future.
At that time, Guo Ziyi violated the criminal law and his life hung by a thread, Li Bai did not hesitate to spend a lot of money and personally mediated, and finally succeeded in resolving this life and death disaster for Guo Ziyi.
Many years later, Guo Ziyi, who had made great achievements, rose all the way and was named the king of Fenyang, and Li Bai happened to live temporarily in Guo Ziyi's fiefdom Fenzhou for a while.
Guo Ziyi learned that Li Bai liked to drink, so he often held family banquets in his own wine shop to entertain him, and the two frequently corresponded frequently, and the friendship between them deepened day by day.
Later, Li Bai was involved in a serious case because of the poems he wrote, and he should be punished for the crime.
When Li Bai was in danger, Guo Ziyi stepped forward and pleaded with the emperor to intercede, and was even willing to give up his official position and knighthood, just to save Li Bai's life.
The emperor looked at Guo Ziyi's face and exempted Li Bai from the death penalty, and in the end Li Bai was only sentenced to exile.
Since then, the two have become lifelong friends, and their story has spread and become a beautiful story through the ages.
In this life, there are few people who can lend a helping hand when they are in trouble, and even fewer who do not give up when they fall into a trough.
The most precious opportunity in your life is to meet a noble person who has achieved mutual success with you.
After all, talents need to be appreciated by Bole in order to show their abilities;
In the midst of difficulties, you can only regain your life in the thorny bushes with the help of noble people.
And the noble people in life may not be family members or close friends who get along day and night.
It's the important people in social situations who have a discerning eye, value your talents, and speak up and try to support you.
Admittedly, a dinner is not enough to build deep relationships, but it can be an opportunity for people with a heart to build bridges with each other.
Encounter is fate, seize the opportunity, cherish every noble person in life.
Be grateful and give back positively, I will help you get out of trouble, and you will light the way forward for me.
▽
Psychologist Adler once said:
"All human troubles originate from interpersonal relationships."
Fixing people's feelings is a topic that everyone needs to study throughout their lives.
But heaven is jealous, humanity is jealous, and never be burdened by meaningless human feelings, so that "human feelings are sophisticated" exhausts the "happiness index".
Recognize others and leave your heart to those who deserve it;
Recognize yourself and keep your true self.
In this way, we can live up to this life.