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"After 31 years of marriage, my mother is going to divorce." The divorce diary swiped across the Internet made me completely understand why Su Min spent 160,000 yuan on divorce
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A month ago, Yimeijun took advantage of Su Min's forced "self-funded divorce incident" to write about the marriage plight of middle-aged and elderly women.
Within a few days, Su Min reached a divorce agreement with her husband.
She didn't pay 500,000.
But in the end, she bought out the identity of "wife" with 160,000 yuan.
Su Min has worked hard for the family for most of her life, not only has she not been treated well, but she has to pay for a divorce by herself in the end.
But anyone who is reasonable has to say for Su Min:
It's not worth it!
But despite this, many people still want to scold Su Min.
They don't buy it.
When they found out that Su Min only spent 160,000, they still had to be weird:
"The money she earns is all marital property, why is it only divided into such a little?"
"What's the difference between this and a scumbag who abandons his wife and children after being rich?"
"This has to be a gender swap, and you can't be scolded to death?"
……
Why is that?
How difficult is it to understand such simple emotions?
Until I saw a story told by a man – about his mom's ordinary first half of life.
I realized:
How much does it cost to be a "good woman".
01
▼"Married for 31 years,
My mom is going to divorce my dad! ”
A few months ago, the mother of Station B blogger @三宋 suddenly said to him:
"I want to divorce your dad."
San Song didn't ask why, but he unconditionally supported his mother.
San Song was born into a working-class family.
In the 90s, his parents were both factory mechanics.
Dad chased Mom for four years.
Mom thought her happy life was about to begin.
But.
But life turned into a direction that she didn't expect.
Sansong's father is a good man in the traditional sense.
He works hard, is willing to endure hardships, and is a practical person.
When he got married, he had nothing, and he worked hard to earn it.
When San Song still can't remember, he dared to go to a more backward foreign business trip alone, and he did it for five years.
The purpose is also very simple - to earn more money to improve the life of his wife and children.
In those days, making money was really practical.
A man like Dad is also very courageous.
But.
Sansong and his mother were left at home, and the family of three has only been reunited a few times in five years.
Initially, Sansong's mother regretted marrying her on the spur of the moment.
She cried for a month.
But a month later, she grew up quickly and then supported the family.
She worked hard to save money.
She is even more attentive to the education of Sansong.
In the face of the beating and scolding of the male workers in the factory, she fought back like a shrew.
She is both a mother and a father, waiting for her lover to come home safely......
At that time, communication was inconvenient, and phone calls were a luxury.
Sansong's parents relied on letters.
But the letter was too slow.
Mom can only write down what is in her heart in her diary.
Two of them are written:
"Tuesday, June 3, 1997 (thundershower).
This morning I went to play with Xiao Sun, and she said that there was a fax from XX, and the bearing of a machine was broken, and the machine needed to be dismantled.
At this time, I was very worried about my husband, how tired was that......
But no matter what, be sure to stay safe, I pray for him.
After a while, my husband called, and the phone in the factory was buzzing and inaudible, which was really annoying.
After listening to it for a long time, I realized that my husband was about to get on the boat, and soon sent me a letter.
I felt so sick that I put down the phone and ran to a place where no one was there and cried. ”
"Friday, August 15 (fine).
At noon today, I went to ask the section chief about the transfer of jobs, and he said a few words casually and sent me away.
When I got home, I cried, this kind of work is really not done by women.
Every now and then I think of you, if you were at home, how could I have such a thing.
It's only half past twelve after crying enough, and I can't eat, so I bought two vegetarian buns and went to work.
When I was about to ride home from work, I didn't know who had touched my bike, so it took me a lot of effort to push it home.
As soon as I got to work today, I received two letters from you, and I couldn't read them until the evening.
What a disappointment, two letters are only three pages long, and I waited three months.
Don't you have anything to tell me? ”
……
Young mothers are emotionally rich and delicate.
But these are difficult to withstand the grind of life.
Five years have passed, and my mother finally waited for her lover to return, and she once again thought that she had ushered in happiness.
But because of work reasons, Sansong's father was arranged by the factory to work in a distant province.
The two still have to separate.
It doesn't matter, it's been five years anyway, and I'm not afraid to stay up for a few more years.
At that time, Sansong's mother experienced being laid off.
She works as a cleaner, runs a rental, and sells clothes...... Living more and more like a man.
Even if Sansong's father was transferred back, this situation did not change.
Dad is still the dad who is busy working all day and socializing everywhere, and Mom is still the mom who takes care of the whole family.
In the words of the Three Songs:
"After my dad came back, my mom wasn't even as good as she used to be."
San Song once found a divorce agreement written by his mother in a wine box at home.
There are only two lines on it, which says that the two parties decided to divorce by agreement due to emotional discord, and Party B (mother) voluntarily gave up all their property.
That is, to leave the house.
The agreement was written in 2011.
That is, the years when the couple "reunited".
Perhaps, it was then that my mother realized that her hope for happiness might just be a subjective fantasy.
Sansong, who has been by his mother's side, said that he understands what his mother wants.
More understanding than dad.
"All she needs is a home, a family, and love."
In the following years, San Song said that his mother spent roughly like this:
During a physical examination, precancerous lesions were detected and surgery was performed.
Grandma was seriously ill, and as the youngest daughter, she took the initiative to take care of her day and night.
She was afraid that her son would not be able to marry a daughter-in-law, so she offered to use the money she had saved hard to buy a house for Sansong.
She seems to be constantly busy with others.
……
Not long ago, Sansong also became a family.
He said that his mother and father could finally live a two-person world.
But it wasn't until this time that my mother realized that the perennial separation had caused the two to be a little unable to get along.
The belief that has always supported my mother seems to be really a bit "insufficient in arguments".
Mom also mentioned again, "I want to divorce your father." ”
Sansong Says:
"I think my mom talks about divorce, it's more like a verbal talk.
I guess what she wanted to say was 'I did my best.'" ”
Yes.
She has given everything to this home.
02
▼In traditional marriage,
Sunk costs for women
The story of Sansong's mother is very ordinary, without too many ups and downs, but it represents a generation.
Many middle-aged and elderly mothers can see themselves in a certain clip of it.
What Yimeijun wants to talk about is the "sunk cost", and it is also the loss of a generation.
You must have heard the term:
It's like you put a coin in a car and find yourself in the wrong car.
Your first instinct is definitely to get out of the car, not to sit down for that few dollars.
It's like you spend money to go to a movie, and you only find out that it's a bad movie at the beginning.
What you need to do should be to get out of the cinema instead of continuing to waste the remaining two hours.
Sunk costs are actually costs that have been lost, costs that we can't recover.
When we apply this word to marriage, to relationships, you will find that it is very cruel.
Because one day you'll suddenly discover:
Your contribution may not matter.
Once there is a problem in the relationship between two people, all the efforts will be nullified.
This is the concept of love and marriage of contemporary young people.
Young people are becoming more and more calm and sober.
Everyone knows how to stop losses in time.
Those who don't understand are fools.
But.
Moms of my generation will be a little "sluggish" in this regard.
Even at some point, they are clearly aware that they are on the wrong path, but they still grit their teeth and continue to walk.
Once upon a time, I would roughly boil it down to "they don't have a better choice."
But I suddenly discovered today that the more important reasons are:
The home in their hearts, the children in their hearts, and their expectations are more important than anything else.
It's not that they don't understand free will, they demand that they give up their ego.
That's what it costs to be a "good woman."
Sansong Says:
"In a home,
The hard work of men is easy to perceive,
But women's hard work is always unclear.
It takes courage for a man to work hard outside,
And it takes more courage for a woman to stay at home all the time.
A person runs between firewood, rice, oil and salt,
One educates children, one honors one's parents, and handles interpersonal relationships......
Every little thing that happened every day was killing the aura she had exuded when she was younger. ”
Sansong Says:
"She lived for a lot of people and never lived for herself.
Her sense of accomplishment comes from the collective, and her sense of powerlessness also comes from the collective. ”
Sansong also said:
"Over the years in our family, my father has only food and clothing, and my mother's family has not dispersed."
Because of this.
"If one day my mother wants to change her life, I will definitely support her!"
Because their lives are so hard!
They have been trapped by the so-called "good women" for too long!
03
▼ Written at the end
In fact.
Our generation should be more aware of the suffering of Su Min.
If her husband had been a little nicer to her, she would never have left.
She will definitely continue to cherish that fantasy and pay for that family to the end.
If she was what those netizens said, she would definitely not live to be in her 50s before thinking of escaping.
What can you expect from her in such a loveless family?
And what a huge "sunk cost"?
In addition, I would like to say that:
Understand more about the "Su Min" next to you.
Pay more attention to the "Su Min" next to you.
Take care of the "Su Min" next to you a little more.
Just like the Three Songs.
When she has words of suffering, be a witness to her selfless dedication in the first half of her life.
Because of her unexplained suffering, only her children know best.
If we don't care for her, who else can she count on?
Author | bronze
(Excerpted from WeChat public account Yimei Media)