Chen Yinshan: Remembering my grandmother

(In 1985, my grandmother and my mother took a photo in front of the Hongwu Cinema)

I often miss my grandmother, and whenever I think of it, I feel a dull pain in my heart, and sometimes I have tears in my eyes.

The old man has been dead for more than 20 years, and he still feels so clear and kind when he thinks of his grandmother's loving face, and the more he misses, the more sad he is, and the pain of life is nothing greater. Although the wind and sand of the years have blurred the memory, and the changing wind and rain have wet the dust of the long past, the beloved family affection has long been immersed in the genes of life, and the surging blood is tumbling in endless thoughts......

My grandmother was born in the 33rd year of Guangxu (1907) and died at the end of 2002 at the age of 96.

After the decline and fall of the late Qing Dynasty, the occupation of Shandong by the Germans, the melee of the Beiyang warlords, the ravages of the Japanese and the misery of the people, the old man has witnessed the construction and development of the country after the founding of New China, the millennium after the reform and opening up. She is an experiencer and witness of the vicissitudes of Chinese history in the past 100 years.

Grandma was born in a poor family, her parents died early when she was a child, she was smart and diligent, strong and optimistic, and she always had an indomitable stubborn spirit in her character, and she had the ambition of being a child from a poor family as soon as possible. Since marrying into his grandfather's family as a teenager, he has been careful in his calculations, diligent and thrifty, helping his in-laws gradually buy land and homes, and slowly live a relatively wealthy and comfortable life.

Grandma has experienced the terrifying era of war, killing, and bloodshed, and she can be fearless and chaotic at the moment of crisis. She once smeared pot ash on her face to avoid harassment by Japan; She had opened the back window to let the children escape calmly and quickly before the bandits broke into the house; She once provided accommodation and meals for the anti-Japanese soldiers in the courtyard.

When she was young, her grandmother was forced to jump over the fence wall twice, once to avoid the search of Japan devils, and once to escape the criticism meeting. Every time she jumped from a high wall, she sprained her muscles and bones, and with severe pain, she moved the three-inch golden lotus and limped north along the river beach, escaping from the reeds.

Grandma is a warm-hearted person, whether it is relatives and neighbors or villagers in the village, whether it is rich or poor, she will do her best if she needs help. From lending livestock to giving away a bowl of salt and a bowl of rice, there is compassion and love everywhere, and if there is a person who asks for food, he also gives people delicious dry food and pours a bowl of gruel or hot water.

The wind and clouds are turbulent, the mountains and rivers have changed dramatically, and my grandmother is facing poverty in middle age, but she has a tenacious, hard-working temperament, and she has a pair of hard-working hands and a spirit that will never be discouraged.

In my grandmother's life, poverty and wealth alternately accompanied, with the ups and downs of the times. The openness and courage of the old man is to climb over the past, have no regrets, sew up the broken mood, raise his head, and start again.

After entering middle age, she and her grandfather planted vegetables and fruits in the huge yard, planting grapes, pomegranates, apricot trees, peach trees, jujube trees, and apple trees. He often raises a large flock of chickens, pigs and rabbits, and through hard work, he has watered a new world with his sweat.

The peculiar thing is that no matter what fruit trees are planted in this yard, they are luxuriant, fruitful, and have a very good taste, especially the peaches and purple grapes. I haven't tasted that honeyy, milky grape taste for decades to come. Only one apple tree was planted, and the taste was poor.

Grandma is a hard-working person, often the rooster cries three watches to get up to eat pig food, mix chicken food, make breakfast for the family, busy to eat lunch when there is no time to wash the face, all day to night in order to make a living, either in the house or in the yard around, busy, at night under the oil lamp to collect the soles of shoes, sew clothes to do needlework.

Grandma was born poor and illiterate, but she knew the importance of culture, and would rather be hard and tired herself, and send all the children to the study and blast out of the countryside to eat chaff vegetables, so that the offspring can get rid of the fate of facing the loess and facing the sky.

Grandma has a benevolent heart, whenever her hard-earned pigs are slaughtered and sold, she will secretly wipe her tears from time to time, and when the pigs are tied to the car and pulled away, she will hide in the house, not wanting to see them leave. When she sees someone else killing a chicken, she will nag in her mouth, pity the short life of the chicken.

I grew up in my grandmother's house, and my grandmother's care and affection for me surpassed that of her other grandchildren. Everything that was a little delicious was quietly left to me, and favoritism often caused the grandchildren to be dissatisfied. At that time, I often climbed the wall and went up the house to pick apricots and peaches, and my grandmother always called me softly when she saw me, and she never beat and scolded me even if I got into trouble.

When I was a child, I often snuggled up to my grandmother and listened to her tell some distant stories, listened to her tell about the ups and downs she had experienced, listened to her hum quaint songs, and watched her do needlework in the swaying light and shadow of the oil lamp.

During the day, I followed my grandmother to feed the chickens and pigs, went to the chicken coop to dig eggs, and went into the vegetable field in the yard to pull weeds and water them. Sometimes I followed her to the small stone bridge of the East River to wash clothes, my grandmother beat her clothes with a mallet on the stone under the willow tree by the river, I rolled up my trouser legs to catch shrimp and fish in the cool river water, sometimes I sat on the stone and watched the green aquatic plants swaying in the clear river water, and the small fish shuttled among them, and the comfort and childlike fun I still remember.

In the 70s, the two apricot trees planted by my grandmother's family were almost full of branches every year, a tree in the east of the yard had a tall crown and a sweet and sour taste, and a tree in the west was small but had large apricots, sweet and soft after ripening, and the apricots would fall out of the core when they fell to the ground after they were ripe. At that time, life was difficult, how many cash did the Zhuang family have, grandma picked down the apricots of this tree after they were not fully ripe, and selected some big good-looking ones to carry to the town in a bamboo basket to sell, grandma did not recognize the scales, so she had to sell them by one, I remember that it seemed to be a big apricot for a dime or a dozen, and the small ones were sold by the pile, and a basket could not buy a piece of two, and the old man was very happy after the sale, and now it is sad to think about it.

Since I left my grandmother's side since I went to school, because of the inseparable emotions and longing for my grandmother, I have to visit my grandmother and grandfather most of the summer and winter vacations every year, and it lasts until I graduate from high school.

Every time I go, my grandmother is very happy, and there are endless topics to talk about. Every time I go, she gets upset. Sometimes they will cry and laugh and say, "Niece dog, niece dog, leave when you are full." At that time, my grandmother was over 70 years old, and every time I said goodbye to my grandmother and grandfather, I was very sad, and I always had tears in my eyes when I turned my back, and I was always worried that I would never see them again every time I separated.

Grandma's tenacious personality and tenacious will were further reflected in her later years. In the mid-80s, the village had to be planned and built, and according to the policy, the grandmother's homestead could build eight houses, because the children and grandchildren were working and living in the city, the children were not in favor of building so much, and they could not come back to help because they had jobs. But the grandmother has made up her mind, the attitude is firm, insisted on building, and finally the old couple built eight large tile houses on the original land, as well as the West House, the house along the street, etc., this year the grandmother was eighty years old, she and her grandfather weaved an inspirational story of the elderly, which became a well-known legend in the local area.

Now those houses have been 37 years old, and grandparents have been gone for more than 20 years, but the masterpieces created by the two old people with tenacious will, never admit defeat, and firm determination are still standing majestically on the land of their hometown, which shows the spirit of old age and perseverance to future generations.

The most common sentence of my grandmother is: people live a breath, and trees live a layer of skin.

That year, I went to see my grandmother, and the old man sat on the edge of the bed by the window of the new house and talked to me about her daily life, she looked at the blue sky through the gap in the dense plane leaves in the courtyard, and stared for a long time with her cloudy, light gray eyes, as if reminiscing about the past, and then muttered thoughtfully: "This day is different from before, and this society is better." This is what my grandmother said that impressed me the most.

Since I was a child, I have been by my grandmother's side, and I have imperceptibly perceived the difficulties of the world, the desolation, helplessness and suffering of life, and I have also heard and seen the forging and experience of life due to the changes of the times and the changes in the situation, and I have learned how to adapt to social changes from my grandmother's hard life.

This article commemorates my most admired and missed grandmother!

2024.7.6.