I believe that the end of love is not death, but life! It is the other party who gives you the courage to live, gives you the confidence to live, and you love yourself more.
Graham · Green once said in "The End of Love", "It's a strange thing, you know that there is nothing in you that is worthy of love except your parents or God, but you find yourself loved, and you believe that you are loved." ”
Good love is not about hoping that love will not die and that the lover will not die.
It's that you have been loved well, and it is precisely because of this unconditional love that you find yourself worthy of love in love, even if that love leaves, you are fearless.
1. The end of love is not to die together, but to survive.
Many people think too tragically about the extreme love between men and women, thinking that the end of love is related to "death", just like the hero and heroine in "Titanic" "You jump, I jump." ”
"Willing to die for you, willing to die with you" can be said to be a form of love, but I don't think it is the norm of love, after all, most of them are not so vigorous, more firewood, rice, oil and salt, plain and bland.
In the latest issue of "Goodbye Lover 2", Lisa suffered from severe altitude sickness and felt unwell, and Ai Wei was very worried and guarded by his side.
In order to encourage Lisa, Ai Wei also said the sentence that Lisa has been thinking about: "We are not divorced!" ”
Everyone was moved by the relationship between two people who depend on each other for life and death, but at the end of such a mutual relationship, in fact, we see another word, the appeal for "living", and the desire for both people to live well.
And this is Aiwei's real expectation of Lisa, I love you, I hope you cherish yourself, love yourself, so I don't want you to stay up all night to rub the hemp, and don't lose you.
Some people say that Ai Wei and Lisa have gone through too many tribulations, and are a little tired and tired, so they propose to leave, you can understand it this way, but it does not contradict my above point.
Ai Wei has always taken care of Lisa is love, and it is love to be able to endure her unhealth, and it is also love not to want to see Lisa repeat her mistakes and suffer from illness.
There is no fixed template for love, the only concrete form of love is that I hope you are good, because I have loved you, so you have to love yourself, even if I am not by your side one day, you have to live like me.
I think this is the ultimate state of love, my love has been all you have, and because of all this, you are willing to love this world and be willing to face life bravely.
2. Good love, you find to be loved, and you also believe that you are worthy of love.
If we say that there are two times in a person's life, one is the experience brought about by the family of origin in childhood, and the other is the change brought about by the establishment of intimate relationships in adulthood.
Many people's childhood shortcomings are eager to be made up for and complete in love, and regard the other half as a model for ideal parents.
And meeting the right person, it is not an exaggeration to say that it is a "rebirth", which will make you reshape your outlook on life and the world, and also make you re-look at yourself and the unsatisfactory life of your past life.
Especially for people whose original family is unhappy, has low self-esteem and lacks love, who has never been loved well, when he gets enough love, he may gradually repair the trauma of his childhood, complete the missing part of his personality, and become a more sound and happy person.
I agree with the saying: "After getting enough love, we will become children, lovers will become children, and we will regress together into childhood." At this time, we are each other's ideal parents, and we are each other's children.
This is the critical period of love, and this stage determines whether we repeat the mistakes of our childhood or correct them. ”
The meaning of this kind of love is no less than "salvation" and "rebirth".
You may have lived in self-pity, feeling bad, failed, and unlovable, but because you have been truly loved and nourished by this love, you have come to believe that you are worthy of love, and you are willing to try to love.
If the appearance of a person can give you a new understanding and expectation of life and yourself, then whether you go to the end or not, it is certain that you can live a very happy and happy life.
3. The ultimate look of love, there is no need for life and death, what is needed is "because of you, I have become a better self".
The ultimate of love, I don't think it's inseparable, life and death, but in this love, enough sincerity and respect make you calm and confident, and love yourself more.
And because of this self-confidence and self-love, you also have a more independent and complete personality, you can rely on each other, and you can also rely on your own wonderful life.
This is consistent with the first point of view, a person can be nourished and treated well in love, he must be getting better and better in the process, more and more loving life, more and more sunny and cheerful.
Those who are treated well will become good people; People who have been loved know how to love others. It is about loving others, but also loving yourself.
That's why we said that whether a person is doing well or not, you don't need to listen to what he says, you can have an answer by looking at his eyes and state.
Love does not have to face the choice of life and death, ordinary love can also shine.
It is with this person that you have dependence, and he is your strongest backing in the wind and rain; At the same time, with this person, you also have armor, you become independent and strong, and you can have that inner strength to face the wind and rain alone.
As the saying goes, "When two people are together, they can't always seek healing, but support each other." ”
When someone heals you, you also begin to learn to be a support for the other person. This is good love, healthy love, love that can go to the end of the day for a long time!
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Authors: Profound So, Psychological Counselor II; EFT Trained Companion Therapist; Author of the intimate relationship book "Knowing Love, Rebuilding Intimate Relationship" (the book has won the first place in the hot list of new books on gender relations on Dangdang.com), translator/proofreader of Dr. Marshall's books "Nonviolent Communication· Gender Chapter" and "Nonviolent Communication · Emotions"; If you have any questions, you can consult me by private message~