It is the wish of many parents for their children to be self-reliant and take control of their own destiny.
After all, no matter how hard parents work and how much money and property they leave behind, if their children don't work hard, they will end up sitting on nothing.
However, how to make children independent is confusing for many parents.
Writer Gao spontaneously wrote in the article:
People have to go through three kinds of growth.
The first time you grow is when you find yourself not the center of the world.
The second growth is when you realize that there are things that you can't do no matter how hard you try.
The third growth is knowing that there are some things that you can't do, but you will still try your best to fight for them.
A child's journey from naivety to maturity, from incompetence to ability, is a process of continuous self-awareness.
To put it simply, it is to let the child go through the following three transformations.
On August 11, 2024, in Huai'an City, Jiangsu Province, after the beginning of the autumn solar term, the lotus flowers in Chuxiu Garden are in full bloom, and the lotus is beautiful among the green leaves
01 First of all, let go of your ego and learn to socialize.
Many children are spoiled by their parents from an early age and consider themselves to be the protagonists of the family and the center of society.
Everywhere you go, you want to be the center of attention, otherwise you will be unhappy or even lose your temper.
Subconsciously, everyone wants to be the protagonist of life.
Even the "playhouse" games played by children want to play the role of the bride and groom, not the person who cooks the food or the emcee, etc.
If the child lives in a "self-centered" family environment for a long time, he will gradually become unsighted and arrogant. This is closely related to the connivance of parents.
As the saying goes, "Rely on your parents at home and your friends when you go out." ”
Children can't spend their lives with their parents all the time, but more often they need to go on their own and make friends. Even if it is a friend based on profit, it is necessary.
All social interaction is a two-way interaction, rather than revolving around one person.
Dale Carnegie, the social guru, wrote in The Weakness of Human Nature, "The only way to influence others is to discuss their needs and tell them how to meet them." ”
Consider the feelings of others, talk about topics that interest others, meet the needs of others, respect the choices of others, help others achieve their dreams, and give encouragement to others...... When children learn this, they will naturally not lack popularity.
Parents should pay less attention to their children, so that children can realize that they are no longer the "protagonists" in the group, and sometimes they also need to play a "supporting role".
As children grow up, they learn to cooperate with others, empathize, and their emotional intelligence naturally improves, and they can better integrate into society, find their own circle, and achieve work and life.
彩虹特写rainbow close up
02 Second, accept failure and let go in time.
"I want to succeed", this is the common expectation of adults and children.
But life cannot be smooth sailing, falls, zeros, and failures are all possible encounters.
When I was a child, many parents would send this message to their children: diligence can make up for failure.
As long as you work hard enough, there's nothing you can't succeed. Small setbacks are just a test, and if you keep trying, you can get through it.
But as you get older, you will find that many people have worked hard all their lives but are not rich.
Some things, even with 100% effort, still end in failure. If you can't accept the results and continue to work hard, that is the beginning of disaster.
For example, children start to fall in love after they go to college. For the sake of the beloved, go to great lengths: send flowers, confess, invite to dinner, travel together...... But in the end, he was left by the other party.
If the child is unable to accept the result of "love but not love", it is easy to go to extremes. Trying to save love by means of self-harm, threats, jumping into the river, violence, etc., is very scary.
If the child knows that if he can't get it, just let it go, then he will not be trapped by love and will not go to extremes.
Lao Tzu said: "If you dare to kill, if you dare not to live." ”
As a parent, you should tell your children that not all efforts have results and that it is normal for them to be in vain.
From an early age, let children do things that are destined to be unfinished, and experience the taste of failure earlier.
Especially in dangerous, confusing situations, forcing children to admit their inadequacies. Although I burst into tears at the moment of giving up, I was reborn after turning around.
People are finite, life is flawed, and it will never be perfect. Allowing the existence of flaws is the best pattern for a person.
Beautiful scenery
03 Do good deeds and accumulate virtue, don't ask about the future.
If a child knows how to socialize and fit in with the group, and is willing to give up what he can't get, then he will feel free. But it can also be decadent because of it.
More often than not, the child is confused, unsure whether the outcome is as expected, and does it still need to continue to try?
Is it really necessary to always be accommodating in social situations? I've helped others a hundred times, why don't I get anything in return?
In the face of these problems, we must teach children to understand that "do good deeds and accumulate virtue, and do not ask about the future". It is still necessary to maintain a positive attitude towards setbacks in life, social life, work, etc.
"It didn't work out, but I tried; The other party has no love, but it doesn't affect me to show love", with such a mentality, people will naturally be full of sunshine.
Han Xin, the founder of the Western Han Dynasty, was poor when he was young and was often bullied.
An old woman who was washing clothes saw Han Xin's pity and gave him half of her bowl of rice.
Han Xin said, "I will repay you in the future." ”
The old woman replied, "Forget it, how can you repay me for this?" ”
Many years later, Han Xin became famous and returned to the old woman with his daughter. This is the end of the story. But what is even more admirable is that the old woman never thought of getting something in return, so she has always been calm and always practiced her principles of good deeds.
If there is no result, don't you do it? Just like planting, there may be no harvest in the fall, but spring sowing should not be abandoned.
It doesn't matter if we succeed or fail, what we get is a positive "process".
日落时分的薄雾,挪威洛福滕群岛Reine村mist in sunset time Reine
04 A father's reputation sometimes does not help his son, but rather overwhelms him, and if he stands too close to each other, the shadow may stifle growth.
A child's growth is a process of drifting away from their parents.
Parents should do this as early as possible by giving children the courage to go independent, the wisdom to socialize, the attitude of accepting success or failure, and always maintaining a positive attitude.
Growth is not only physical growth, but spiritual abundance and inner strength.
From now on, let the children step out of the shadow of their parents and go through the wind and rain.