The love of parents is far-reaching, the love is strong, and it is worthy of tribute.
However, parents' love for their children will also become conniving because of excessive tolerance, which will promote children's fear of difficulties, and find various reasons to escape when encountering difficulties.
In all kinds of family education or psychological parenting, parents are advocated to accept their children unconditionally. However, many parents use the wrong force of unconditional acceptance, but accept everything that their children propose.
This is not called acceptance, this is called coddling and indulgence.
The premise of unconditional acceptance is that the bottom line is followed, and it is the child's feelings, emotions, and current situation that need to be unconditionally accepted, rather than accepting every willful request made by the child, which is called confusion and connivance.
In the case of parent counseling, there are cases where children who do not like school and feel difficult and stressed about learning tell their parents that they are not feeling well, and then ask for leave every once in a while.
Parents are also responsive to their children's requests for leave, as long as the child says that he is uncomfortable, although the parents are a little reluctant, but they feel sorry for the child, and think: This child is uncomfortable like this, and must ask for leave.
Therefore, whenever the child has the need to ask for leave, the parents are in line with the principle of not making the child uncomfortable, and they will ask for a few days if they need to ask for a few days, fully respect the child's wishes, and accept the child.
Parents are also anxious because of their children's leave, but when they think of making their children feel bad and physically damaged at school, they will not refuse their children's leave in line with the principle of health and happiness first.
Originally, it was worth affirming that parents saw their children's needs, but because their children were on leave, parents were too talkative, or they didn't ask about the underlying reasons for the leave.
Is it because it is difficult to attend classes? Or is it too stressful to fit in at school? Or are you not feeling well? Or are you emotionally stuck, or are you feeling unhappy about what grievances you have suffered?
The leave was requested, and the child went home. However, the parents did not talk to their children in detail, nor did they dig out the reasons behind their children's leave.
As a result, there was the first, second, and third time, until the Nth frequent leave, and the time of leave also changed from one or two days to three or four days, then to one or two weeks, and finally directly to 6 months of leave.
The longer the time off, the more classes are delayed, and then the more difficult the problems the child encounters, so he simply takes a semester off in the endless loop.
A child's suspension from school is not formed from the beginning, but has an incubation period and an explosive period to the final period of loss of control.
The incubation period when the child is bored with school is the most suitable for parents to intervene in time, which can not only solve the problem faster, but also have the lowest cost and the least delay in the child's time.
Take my baby as an example, when he said that he was irritable and insomnia at school, and when he arrived at school, he felt depressed and wanted to cry, especially wanting to go home, I sensed that something was wrong with his emotions.
After a deep chat, I learned that it was because he had a psychological gap in school, because his grades in junior high school were good, but after he reached high school, his grades became mediocre, and he couldn't accept it for a while.
In addition, the child especially wants to be motivated and wants to prove himself, but because he uses too much force, he falls into the emotional internal friction of self-blame and self-denial.
When there is emotional exhaustion, coupled with the pressure of learning and competition, the child becomes more and more panicked, and the fear also leads to insomnia and dizziness, and there are somatization symptoms under tension, stress and self-denial.
At that time, when the child was in great pain, I agreed to let the child go home and recuperate, but only to give a few lessons time to adjust.
Because I know that there are too many delays in high school classes, it will be more difficult to follow the classes later, and when the child encounters learning difficulties and mental instability, he will be more internally exhausted.
On the one hand, let him continue to attend classes at school, and on the other hand, I taught him some self-counseling methods through telephone counseling to solve emotional stuckness.
It turns out that when the child's emotional stuckness is resolved, his somatization symptoms such as headache, insomnia, palpitation, dizziness, etc. gradually disappear.
And the principle of my child's leave is that if I can not delay the main class, I will delay the main class, I can not go to the morning self-study and evening self-study, I can write less homework, but the main class must keep up, and the child is not allowed to rest at home for more than a week, and then go to the class may have the feeling of listening to the "book of heaven".
A large part of the reason why those children who frequently take leave of absence end up slowly suspending school is because they can't keep up with the curriculum, the more they can't understand, the more panicked, the more emotionally collapsed, and somatization symptoms are more likely to occur, such as headaches, stomach pains, stomach pains, insomnia, dizziness, etc.
There are also some children who, after taking a few months off from school, feel that they have adjusted and can face school with confidence, but they can only adapt to it in a relatively relaxed environment.
In other words, in the process of suspending their children from school, parents did not change their mentality, or even anxious and anxious, but were forced to accept such a reality out of desperation.
I am afraid and apprehensive about the child, I dare not speak, I dare not provoke, and I am careful for fear of touching the child's sensitive nerves.
This kind of getting along will not reduce the child's inner stuck points and emotional internal friction much. It will also cause the child to go to school, return to the original state, and start to fear school again and ask for leave frequently.
The length of suspension does not mean that the child has been adjusted, the adjustment of the child's emotions should be used in the right way, and parents need to really see the child, empathize with the child's feelings, and help the child get out of the psychological gap between fear and high self-requirements and reality.
Instead of parents carefully supporting their children, they do not agree to all the requirements of their children without principle, which will only make the children escape more completely when they encounter difficulties, and cannot cultivate the children's responsibility and reverse quotient.
Parents' love for their children should be gentle and have a bottom line, be tolerant when they should be tolerant, and refuse when they should refuse. Don't forcibly change your child, but take the initiative to change yourself and accept your child in principle.