Hello, I'm Oxygen, a post-70s psychotherapist who likes to write.
In my early years, I was strong and professional in my work, demanding a lot of myself and my subordinates, always trying to be the best and most successful.
In the company, he has been respected and recognized by the boss and customers, and is also well-known in the industry. My friends say that I live like a workplace beauty in the TV series, beautiful and sassy.
In the family, I was like a different person - weak, always accommodating to others, always trying to obey my family and avoid conflicts when things happen.
After a long time of exploring, I learned that my mother was very strict and had always held me to high standards.
My upbringing made me think that I had to be a strong, motivated person.
Because only such people can succeed in work and life, and be respected and appreciated by others.
However, I ignored the other side of my inner self – the weak, negative side.
This side reflects my need and desire for safety, intimacy, stability, as well as my fear and avoidance of stress and conflict.
The negative side of my heart showed up in my family, and I didn't really know and respect this side of myself at the time, and I didn't accept my multifaceted nature.
Even think that it is a shortcoming or flaw in oneself, a part that needs to be changed or eliminated. The inner contradictions and conflicts made me very disgusted and denied myself.
"Which one is you? Strong and professional at work, beautiful and sassy; Weak and obedient in the family, and abruptly lost. This sentence is like a mirror, reflecting the confusion in the hearts of many people.
Do you really know yourself?
In our busy lives, we are often so caught up in various roles and responsibilities that we forget our true selves.
As Tao Yuanming wrote in "Drinking: · and Its Five": "There is a true meaning in this, and I have forgotten to distinguish it." ”
We may show a strong and professional side in our work in order to pursue career success and recognition from others;
And in the family, weakness and obedience may be out of cherishing and maintaining family affection. However, are these really all we have?
In fact, the ego is multifaceted, and in different relationships, the ego can switch flexibly.
That is, in a particular relationship, a particular self is presented.
The stern one is you, and the gentle one is also you; The cheerful one is you, and the introvert is also you.
What kind of performance you have depends on what kind of person you are across from and what the atmosphere is at the time.
Our ego is multifaceted, complex, and dynamic. How to recognize one's multifaceted nature is an important topic for growth.
Knowing oneself is a journey of exploration of the meaning of existence, an insight into the truth of one's own heart.
Everyone has a dissatisfaction or fear of a certain aspect of the self, but these are actually misunderstood selves.
How to recognize the multifaceted nature of the self?
Switzerland psychologist Carl Jung · developed an important concept: the undiscovered self.
Jung referred to it as a "shadow". Only when we are able to recognize our own "shadow" can we truly recognize our multifaceted nature and then achieve self-integration.
Recognizing the multifaceted nature of the self requires us to be quiet and listen to our inner voice.
We can learn about ourselves in different situations by reflecting on our actions, emotions, and thoughts.
At the same time, we can also ask for feedback from the people around us and see different sides of ourselves through their eyes.
Du Fu has a poem: "It will be the top of the mountain, and you can see the mountains at a glance." "When we look at ourselves from a higher perspective, we can understand the multifaceted nature of ourselves more fully.
For example, Xiao Li keeps a diary to record his feelings and behaviors in different situations.
He also had in-depth conversations with his friends and listened to what they had to say about him.
Through these methods, Xiao Li gradually realized that he had both a brave and decisive side, but also a timid and hesitant side; There are both cheerful and optimistic sides, as well as introverted and sensitive moments.
How to reconcile the multifaceted self?
Reconciling the multifaceted selves requires us to find a balance where different selves can live together in harmony in different situations.
We can flexibly adjust our actions and attitudes according to different occasions, while maintaining inner authenticity and consistency.
●Replace negative thinking with positive thinking.
For example, replace "I can't do it" with "I can try";
Replace "this is my fault" with "this is an opportunity";
Replace "I have to do my best" with "I have to do my best", etc.
●Replace rigid thinking with flexible thinking.
For example, replace "there is only one correct answer" with "there are multiple options";
Replace "this is an immutable fact" with "this is a situation that can be changed", etc.
●Replace negative actions with positive actions.
For example, replace "complain" with "feedback"; Replace "procrastination" with "action", etc.
●Replace excessive demand with reasonable demand.
For example, replace "I need people who really care about me" with "I need everyone to like me";
Replace "I need to do everything perfectly" with "I need to do what I can";
Replace "I need to have someone or something forever" with "I need to be grateful and cherish someone or something", etc.
Wang Wei wrote in "Autumn Dusk in the Mountain House": "Feel free to rest in spring, and the kings and grandchildren can stay." This sentence tells us to learn to go with nature and maintain inner peace and ease.
When it comes to reconciling our multifaceted selves, we can be like Wang Wei, not being swayed by external distractions and sticking to our own principles and values.
For example, Xiao Wang remains professional and strong at work, but when she gets along with her family, she learns to listen and understand, and no longer blindly obeys.
She has found a balance between being able to use her abilities at work and enjoying the warmth of family affection at home.
Recognizing the multifaceted nature of the self and harmonizing the different selves is an important task in life.
Only when we truly understand ourselves can we show our truest and most beautiful selves in different situations.
Life is a journey that requires constant challenges and difficulties, and we are constantly looking for our own direction and purpose in this journey.
Constantly confronting your own limitations and weaknesses; We explore the firmness in our hearts and embrace the multifaceted self.
"I still dare to face the sewage of life, and I will always be happy to cheer for a new moon."
Only by moving forward boldly, facing it calmly, and accepting your true self, can you reap true happiness.
I'm Oxygen, a middle-aged girl who grew up with you.