A 14-year-old junior high school student said in his heart: What kind of mother does the child want, the truth is heart-wrenching

Satya Parenting Boys Pie

2024-09-26 09:00 Anhui

A child's perception of the world mostly comes from the nurturer.

Give your children a degree of maternal love, and one day, they will take off their life force.

- Tiger Mom

Two days ago, I swiped a video: from the heart of a 14-year-old junior high school student.

The topic is: What kind of mother does a child want most?

He didn't say that his mother must be rich and have no desire for material things, but hoped that his mother should be good-looking, respect him, support him, and make him have a sense of worship......

He said:

Mothers should not stare at their children all day long, whether they are well fed and clothed, and whether they have completed their homework with good quality.

If mothers are always staring at their children, it can make them feel watched and stressed......

Oh, yes?

Relaxed mothers, let children grow up freely; Nervous mothers, with a lot of worries and fears, suppress the growth of their children.

Most of the children's feelings about the world come from their mothers.

For young children, their thoughts are simple and emotional, and their perception of their mother is also very intuitive.

So what kind of mom do they need?

The boy made four demands.

Pay more attention to yourself

Instead of always circling around the child

There was a mother who learned that her daughter's school invited her parents to participate in the graduation show, but her daughter did not tell her.

When she asked her daughter, she was hesitant and lied that "you're too busy, it's okay if you don't go."

The mother did not understand what her daughter meant.

On the day of the theatrical performance, I went to my daughter's school early.

As a result, when I arrived at the scene, I found that the mothers of the other children were all dressed up very exquisitely, and then looked at themselves, wearing a pair of sneakers and jeans at random, and leaving without makeup, which was in stark contrast to the surrounding crowd.

At that moment, she finally understood why her daughter was reluctant to let her come.

If a mother revolves around the family and children all day long, does not pay attention to herself, and does not grow, she will continue to consume herself and her children.

Although children may not be able to speak clearly, they will also lack self-confidence and become inferior and sensitive because of the influence of this image.

Surveys have shown that outward-looking mothers make their children more confident in life than other children.

This self-confidence comes from what others say about my mother.

Because in the eyes of children: what others say about their mother, they will evaluate him.

Zhang Yijun, a doctor of psychology, once said: "The more fashionable the mother, the more confident the child; The better the mother's figure, the prouder the child. ”

The delicate mother exudes strength and projects this energy onto the child, making the child full of confidence and strength.

There is a celebrity named Guo Wanying in the Republic of China.

She was born into a wealthy family, but after getting married, she was forced to go to the countryside.

She had to feed the pigs, wash the toilet, mix cement, smash stones, dig fish ponds, and pick up river mud......

The eldest lady, who was originally pampered, is now doing the dirtiest work.

Despite this, she still dresses herself up every day, combs her hair neatly, and lives a delicate life.

Under her influence, several of her children were not crushed by the hardships of life, but were confident about the future.

I saw a sentence on the Internet: A mother's attitude towards her appearance is her child's attitude towards life.

A mother who does not give up taking care of herself is like a tranquilizer that fills the child's heart with strength.

Therefore, mothers must pay more attention to themselves: pay attention to their image, cultivate hobbies, and have their own independent life.

A mother with a rich life will make her child's heart full and comfortable.

Support the child, not ask for it

Some time ago, I saw such a thing.

There are two boys who are very fond of fishing.

Their mother didn't think that fishing would delay their studies, but supported their hobby with her actions.

First of all, we bought fishing books and equipment for the children, and also enrolled the children in the fishing association and sent them to the fishing summer camp.

With the support of their parents, the two boys' interest also became stronger, and even their fishing skills slowly reached a professional level.

Every child has a different "demand" for life, and the support of parents is their source of life.

Unfortunately, most parents lack this vision, and some parents are even keen to "ask for their children".

When I was a child, I asked my child to be obedient, get full marks in the grades, and learn his favorite interests;

When you grow up, you will ask your children to work and your partner to come according to your preferences.

"You have to do this, you can't do that", these restrictive behaviors seem to be for the good of the child, but they are actually a moral kidnapping.

I saw a topic on the Internet: How big is the impact of children who are not supported by their parents?

Under the topic, many netizens told about their "unfortunate" experiences:

I wanted to learn to draw, but my mother had to force me to learn to dance, and after two years of study, all the other classmates took the exam, but I twisted my waist and was not flexible, which led to me hating dancing more and more, and I hated her more and more, and I hated that I had to work against her in my studies;

My mother even has to control what I wear, she will never want me to wear what she thinks is not good-looking, she thinks it looks good, even if I don't want to, she will force me to wear it;

I didn't have many friends from junior high school to high school. My mom wouldn't let me make friends who were poor at school, saying that they would affect my grades; I have to report everywhere I go, and this feeling of suffocation has always made me depressed......

Many parents never consider the wishes of their children, and always arrange their children according to their own plans, and finally extinguish all the enthusiasm of their children.

Children want support, not demand.

Children aged 6-12 years old, in particular, are in a stage of rapid development of diligence and autonomy, and they want to be in control of their own decisions.

The child has a little idea and can suggest but not refuse; As long as it is within the principle, we can support it.

Just like the two children who love fishing, as long as they support their passion, they will have more pursuit and internal drive for life.

Respect your child's choices

Rather than changing

Zhou Guoping wrote in the book: "Understand that every child is different, and love this is different. ”

He said so, and he did so.

He has two children, and his personalities are completely different.

The daughter is introverted and doesn't like to talk, and is always very timid in front of outsiders; And the son knocks on the extrovert, and he is generous to everyone.

My daughter likes to study and finally chooses to study abroad; And the son doesn't like boring textbook knowledge, but likes painting and sports.

Faced with two children with completely opposite personalities and preferences, Zhou Guoping chose to respect them.

He supported his son in learning to paint and worked hard to find value for him; His daughter loves to learn, and he never interferes.

Zhou Guoping said: "The children will have their lives, I can't plan, I can't participate, I can only bless." ”

Oh, yes!

Every child has differences, and we must find the potential of children in these differences, let it become a stepping stone for children, and finally achieve children.

Today's parents have a very big shortcoming: disrespecting their children.

Most parents feel that their children are still young and incapable of making decisions, so they do not respect their children for many things.

Like what:

When children reach puberty, they have privacy and always find ways to peep;

found that the child was in early love, did not say anything, beat up first and then talked about education;

When a child makes a mistake, he criticizes him in public......

If you don't know how to respect your children, your children will become more and more rebellious.

"Three points teach seven points", whether the child gets better or worse, is derived from the sense of respect given by the parents.

In a parent group, there are many parents who encounter the same problem: we are always used to helping our children in our own way, what is the child's feeling?

Here's what an experienced parenting mom said:

The biggest feeling of the child is that "my parents are bad people", I am not free and want to escape.

The child is life, he is not an assembly line product, and there is no standard for the growth of the child, so we must learn to do this:

Strive to see the characteristics of the child, strive to magnify the child's strengths, and promote the child more;

Don't always think about changing the child, if it were so easy to change, there would be no current situation, we should stimulate the child's initiative and respect his every choice;

Give autonomy to your child, and if your child doesn't want to listen, don't disturb him, stay with him and trust him.

Respect is the same frequency fit of the soul.

As long as his parents are willing to discover, one day, he will take off his life force.

Ask yourself first

Instead of complaining about children

Some time ago, a boy in the community was addicted to playing games at home during the summer vacation, and his mother cut off the network cable and protested for three days.

It is understood that the boy has been playing games since the summer vacation and does not do his homework.

Mom tried many things, and once she stopped her child from playing games, he went on a hunger strike.

Until one time, the mother and son quarreled in the community, and the boy complained in front of many people:

When I was a child, I followed you to play mahjong, and you brought me your phone to play every day, why didn't you stop me at that time?

Many times you think I'm noisy and ask me to play with my phone, have you forgotten?

When I go home at night, you and my dad have a mobile phone, why can't I?

I looked at the child's accusatory face, and instantly had an epiphany: it turned out that the child's bad words and deeds were the result of the evil planted by the parents.

We always complain that our children don't work hard and don't study, but in fact, our children's words and deeds are full of the shadow of their parents.

Parents who lie flat can't teach motivated children.

United States psychologist Carol · Dweck said:

"Everyone has a role model to learn from, and this example can show us the way in the decisive moment of our lives."

Saw a post on the web.

One girl said that her mother used her spare time to take the postgraduate entrance examination in her sophomore year of high school, and was later admitted to Chongqing Medical University.

The girl said: "My mother usually has to work, take care of the family, and educate me.

But even so, my mother still had to spare an hour to study at noon every day, and at night after work, she worked from seven o'clock to late at night.

I was in high school and had the most mood swings, but every time I saw my mom working so hard, my anxiety was healed.

If it is said that the only time that parents can drive their children to look up, it must be the highlight moment of parents' growth, so that children can look up to you and worship you, which is the most silent education.

Some netizens once said:

"I think the standard of a good parent is to lead by example, learn with him, and then have a positive heart and dare to face failure with his child."

Behind the amazing children, there are motivated parents.

Let's not think about "how to change children", but "how to demand ourselves".

Instead of letting your child look less at electronic products, it is better to pick up a few good books by yourself and make reading a habit;

Instead of asking your child not to procrastinate, it is better to do it yourself first and improve your time management skills.

"The peach and plum do not speak, and the next is its own."

Parents who work hard are worthy of their children to worship you.

Someone said: "Love must be relaxed and temperate in order to have temperature." ”

If the parent's rubber band is pulled too tightly, the child is more likely to rebound.

Parents are synonymous with a child's temperature; Good parents make it easier to achieve excellent children.

Life is not just for whom, as parents, you must also live confidently and generously.

Children, the sooner you let go, the better, don't worry too much about some things, let the child make his own decisions, he will have time to grow;

Don't always focus on your child, enlarge your aura, and your child will naturally look up to you.

The best parental love is to be in tune with the child's heart and soul and draw each other's future.

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