Article source: Fan Deng's lecture Author: Zhong Li
"To go out and find happiness for yourself is freedom, and now I am at the wheel as if I can control my own destiny."
Su Min, a "50-year-old self-driving aunt" who will be popular all over the Internet in 2020, said in an interview.
This woman, known as the "Chinese version of Nala", was busy in her life around her family in the first half of her life, like thousands of women in families.
At the age of 56, she resolutely left her bad marriage, "abandoned her husband and daughter", and went to a distant place.
In the Mid-Autumn Festival movie file, the movie "The Determination to Run Away" shot with Su Min as the prototype once caused heated discussions.
In the film, she is dressed in a red dress, leaning against her car, looking at the snow-capped mountains opposite, her eyes are resolute and gentle.
"I just want to go out and see if there is any other way to live in the future."
In life, how many of us are like Li Hong in the movie, bound and consumed by work, bound by family, suppressed inner desires and feelings, and always looking forward to endure the days to get through.
However, only after realizing it later did I realize that when people reach middle age, the best way to live is to fulfill themselves.
Li Hong, who was born in a family that aided Tibet, as the eldest daughter in the family, naturally took on more family responsibilities.
When she was young, she was full of youthful vitality, and she was full of energy and her sisters dreaming of a better future, and her clear eyes were full of longing and yearning for a better future.
However, her father's sentence "You have to think about the family" is like a basin of cold water in winter, pulling her back from the dreamy clouds back to the cold reality.
Eighteen-year-old Li Hong is in the prime of her youth, but she has to face the cruel reality of dropping out of school.
She stepped into the factory gate and began her part-time career. After the end of the day's work, she has to hurry home, take care of housework, cook and laundry, and become a "tool man" who silently sacrifices in the family.
In order to get rid of the shackles of her original family, she chose to flee and get married in a hurry.
I thought that marriage would bring autonomy, but I didn't expect it to be another cage.
As soon as her husband knocks on the table, she will boil water to make tea, cook and wash dishes;
While taking care of her grandchildren, her husband forced her to use traditional diapers.
In the cold winter days, she had to wash and dry repeatedly with her frozen red hands.
She shoulders all the housework, and if she slacks off, she will be counted out "you are lazy".
Under high pressure, she has almost no personal time and space, and the conflict with her husband is becoming increasingly intensified, forcing her to be depressed and self-harming.
She didn't ride an electric car to the suburbs alone and touch the dog's tail grass swaying in the wind; It is to wander aimlessly on the bus, watching the light and shadow scatter from the window, and sit without saying a word to yourself.
By chance, a motorcade of self-drive tours on the side of the road asked her for directions. She picked up the silk scarf left by the convoy, and at that moment, it seemed to pick up the hope for a new life.
The unknown "distance" quietly took root in her heart like a seed, and there was hope for the boring days.
When she was in extreme pain, Li Hong did not sit still. Every time she stepped out of the house, it was an active exploration of her self-help.
Mika Nakajima said: "In the darkest part of my life, I pulled myself out of the abyss, and without that person, I would be that person."
A person's true strength is to try his best to salvage himself after every fall and give new hope to life.
Tara, the author of "You Shall Be Like a Bird Flying to Your Mountain", was born in a family of origin that can be called the beginning of the collapse.
Her father had an eccentric personality, her brother was irritable and irritable, and she was locked in a scrap mill by her father until she was 17 years old, never setting foot in the school gates, and knew nothing about the outside world.
Living in the shadow of her father's arbitrariness and her brother Sean's violence, she has an abyss in front of her eyes.
However, Tara did not give up on herself, she studied diligently, gnawed on difficult books and opened the door to a new world for herself.
After being admitted to Harvard, she finally flew away, and the barriers that had trapped her dissipated.
"Throughout my life," she writes, "these instincts have taught me that the odds are better if you rely on yourself." ”
Facing the difficulties of life, hoping for others will not be redeemed, and problems will not be easily solved.
Only by relying on oneself can one generate strength from the heart and support oneself through the wind and waves.
Life is hard, and the only way to cross it is to cross it.
In your life, you may have experienced such moments:
Facing the pressure of life and the unknown future, I feel lost and frightened in my work and career.
The marital relationship changed suddenly, and the heart was at a loss, only endless tears and pain.
Life has ups and downs, there are peaks and valleys, when life is in a desperate situation, courage is the only key to breaking the game.
There is such a scene in the movie:
Li Hong saw the convoy of self-driving tours, and the desire to run to a distant place sprouted in her heart, so she began to prepare for "escape".
She began to work odd jobs to save money for a car, went to a driving school alone to learn to drive, and looked up information to prepare camping equipment.
Everything was ready, but life was making waves again, and she had to postpone her plans for her daughter again and again: wait until her daughter gave birth, wait until her two children go to kindergarten, and wait until her daughter's career is stable......
Every time she waits, she is pressed back into the bottom of the sea that is difficult to breathe, and her daughter Xiaoxue, who originally supported her, has become a huge obstacle to her long journey.
At a family celebration, the son-in-law and her husband drank happily, and the daughter and grandchild interacted warmly, while Li Hong was busy in the kitchen alone, with endless housework and unwashed oil stains at hand.
Li Hong, who was extremely tired, leaned helplessly against the TV cabinet and called for her daughter for help, but there was no response.
The party celebrates everyone's achievements, but Li Hong is still trapped in a cage, and no one can see the desire in her heart.
In the midst of extreme pain and conflict, she exploded emotionally, and finally rushed out of the house in the middle of the night, drove on the road alone, and bravely stepped into a new life. Nietzsche once said, "Either you have to control fate, or fate has to control you." ”
We are all tumbling in the torrent of fate, layoffs at work, changes in feelings, sudden changes in health...... will have a huge impact on life.
As a result, we struggle in the quagmire, those who choose to give up will gradually sink, and those who face the challenge will return to the helm in the great waves.
Coincidentally, blogger @BB Dawang shared a real experience of his own.
Until the age of twenty-five, she had always obeyed her parents' expectations, going to school, working, and working all to meet her parents' wishes.
However, in the face of marriage, she no longer wanted to obey her parents' arrangements and chose to insist on herself. Unwilling to give in, she angered her father because of this persistence, and suffered verbal abuse and cold violence for two years.
She had tried to communicate with her father, but to no avail. When she was sad and depressed, and it happened that her family was sick and admitted to the hospital, she struggled to find a solution after running in many ways.
Her relationship with her father deteriorated, and the situation gradually progressed to the point where she was inexplicably blamed whenever she appeared in front of him.
What's more, because she insisted on living a single life, her father even moved the idea of sending her to a psychiatric hospital.
At the same time, her daily routine was tedious and hectic, and she felt like the sky she once loved had lost its color.
Entering a predicament, she kept asking her inner desires, and finally broke the boat, resolutely gave up a stable life and work, packed her bags and studied abroad.
She chose to live bravely for herself once and run to the distance of her dreams.
Bi Shumin once said: "The secret to getting out of a desperate situation is to desperately shake off the dirt on your body and make it your own step." ”
When we have no way out, we might as well try to smash the wall in front of us.
It seems to be the collapse of the original order, but in fact, the new life is hidden in it.
Hermann · Hesse wrote in Demian:
"The most feared thing in the world is precisely the path that leads to oneself."
After Li Hong ran away, the journey was not all smooth sailing.
During the epidemic, the roads were blocked, and she groped her way alone;
During the journey, accidents were frequent, and she had to deflate and replace the tires alone;
When camping in the wilderness, she slept in a small tent, and the thin tent was swaying in the wind and rain outside.
She once lived in a spacious and stable high-rise building, protected from the sun and rain, but she was subjected to cold violence by her husband, and her heart was depressed and helpless;
Now, this small and floating tent has become her most stable residence, just because it is truly her "room".
She drove alone through the grassland in a red dress, looking back at her past self through time. She was the only one on this path, and in the silence, she gained unlimited freedom and fully perceived her inner self.
Life is like a long journey, and people come and go in it. When the hustle and bustle returns to silence, people understand that they are the ultimate destination of life.
Days, no matter who you spend them with or how you spend them, the essence is to get along with yourself and sit opposite each other.
This process of self-knowledge is an inner awakening and a sign of growth.
Yu Xiuhua, a talented poet, also realized this in her life journey.
In 2015, her poems caused a huge response on the Internet, and with it, a double harvest of money and honor.
After having the power to choose, she made a brave decision - divorce.
Despite the opposition of her parents, pressure from the outside world, and the harsh demands of her ex-husband, she still firmly embarked on her own path.
Faced with her mother's doubts, she roared loudly: "People live for themselves in this life!" ”
Since then, she has also been passionately emotional, but when the bubble of love bursts and she returns to her own life, she realizes that everyone's final destination is herself.
Chaplin once said: "When I really began to love myself, I realized that all the pain and emotional torture is just a reminder to me: live, do not go against your own heart." When the attention passes through the hustle and bustle of life and returns to oneself, the inner voice can be heard clearly at this moment.
We will gradually understand that the outside world is noisy, pedestrians come and go, and only our own feelings are real; When you can be self-consistent and indifferent, you can truly feel the satisfaction and happiness from the heart.
At the end of the film, the camera freezes on Li Hong's prototype - Su Min:
She shuttles between mountains and forests, tries surfing at sea, explores in the desert, and experiences life with a smile and indulgence.
This woman, who has been bound for half her life, has finally lived as herself.
Su Min said in the interview: "The moment I embarked on the journey was a turning point in my life, if it was 30 years ago, maybe I would have told him, you must be brave, don't endure what you don't want to endure in life." ”
There is never a fixed answer to the answer sheet of life, and we may all have been lost in the words of the world and struggling with the storms of life.
It wasn't until half of his life that he realized that the best way for a person to live in this life is to fulfill himself.
Author: Zhong is up