In the novel "Gone with the Wind", it is written: "The heart of a lover is easily hurt because he is completely open to the other person. ”
When you open your heart, you want to hug people and warm each other.
Unexpectedly, dirt also poured in, and some people even threw it over "a sharp edge".
Therefore, there are always people who insist on closing their hearts, protecting themselves, and rejecting all kinds of gregarious behavior.
Even if you have to deal with people, you are like a dragonfly in water, and you never intervene with each other.
If a person is in his 60s, has no friends, and does not attend meetings, most of them are closed-minded, and you and I don't have to get to the bottom of it.
01
The first situation: people have low self-esteem and are very poorly mixed.
At the age of sixty, according to common sense, he will retire and enjoy the joy of family. With a baby, traveling, dancing, playing mahjong, are all good choices.
If you get together, you can brag about how your children are mixed, how your grandchildren have grown up, where they are studying, and how good their grades are.
There are also some old people who have a high pension, and when they say it, they are "shocked", and then they are envied by everyone, and some people even applaud.
Invisibly, the old man who mixes well has become a "master", and he has face everywhere.
Those old people who are not good at mixing in the crowd have become invisibly shorter. At the party, I also sit on a cold bench.
Friends are getting older, and they don't have any value, so they slowly dilute their feelings. Especially friends who come for the sake of interests, they have long disappeared without a trace, which is very realistic.
Think about it, would you like to go out into the crowd and sit on a cold bench? Are you willing to let the people next to you spit fly? Old people of the same age, build happiness on your sadness, are you willing? Most likely, you don't want to.
They are all elderly, why do they want to give other people's groups and make up for themselves? It's better to walk alone, at least don't look at people's faces and don't listen to those heart-piercing words.
There are also some elderly people who mix well, but they are used to low self-esteem, so they dare not express themselves, resulting in themselves being marginalized.
Don't think that when the elderly get together and become friends, they are as innocent as children's playmates, and they also have intrigue and compare with each other.
"People are more angry than people." This truth is well known to passers-by. If we don't compare, or rather, don't compare opportunities, then it would be fine.
I have low self-esteem, but I am always alone, I know myself warm, and I have a little bit of happiness.
02
The second situation: the pursuit of simplicity, do not want to trouble others, and do not want others to trouble themselves.
If you want to make friends and mix in groups, then it is inevitable to "exchange courtesies", and it is not that you always trouble others.
If you trouble a large group of people, and then everyone often troubles you, it will obviously make you very unhappy, and your life will be disturbed.
Also, you are gregarious, but your lover likes to be alone. Once the house is full of friends, the lover scolds and scolds, which is strange and uncomfortable.
Su Shi of the Northern Song Dynasty went to his friend Chen Jichang's house as a guest, and after eating and drinking a few times, Chen Jichang's wife treated him coldly and came to a "Hedong Lion's Roar".
In order to avoid the "roar of the Hedong lion", you can only slowly reduce socializing.
More often than not, when people are over 60, the companionship of husband and wife is the warmest choice, and returning to the family is the most willing thing to do. It's also annoying to be full of friends.
When I was middle-aged, I was fed up with all kinds of socializing, and the emotions in the wine glass had long been seen clearly. When you get old, you will naturally break off relations with a group of people.
Qing Dynasty scholar Yu Yue said: "If you want to get rid of troubles, you must be selfless, and you must go through hardships to be a good man." ”
When a person begins to pursue simplicity, he will forget his past self and start a new way of life.
If you insist on not bothering others and reducing contact with relatives and friends, then people who were once familiar with you are embarrassed to always trouble yourself. Over time, the relationship naturally fades.
Even during the New Year's holidays, I will not send group messages, but choose to get along with my family.
I don't always go to your house, and I don't think you will come either. That's good, that's what I want.
03
The third situation: I am busy every day, and I have to run for a living when I am old.
If you are a person who organizes a party, you will find that not all of your acquaintances of the same age can retire and have savings. Not all people retire and get away with it, and there are also people who live a life of debt and bear the pressure of their careers for their children.
Every day is so busy that I don't have time to pay attention to old friends. Those meetings are even more reluctant to go.
It takes a few days to get a ride to the meeting place. Then consume a certain amount of money and join in the fun. Come to think of it, this is half a month's salary, and I can't bear it.
What's more, people are not so free when it comes to making a living. Even if you set up a stall and don't go out for a day, what you prepared yesterday is often expired; If you don't set up a stall in a familiar place, after a few days, the place will be occupied by someone else.
At the age of 60, we have to find a way to make up for our own living expenses, and we also have to consider how our children can make a living, which is not what we want, but we can't afford it.
There is a big gap between the old people who are busy and still working, and the old people who have nothing to do with their pensions, so don't force them to get together. The Tao is different, and they do not conspire with each other.
04
Leo ·Tolstoy said, "There are two aspects to every man's life: on the one hand, there is the life of the individual, and the more abstract it is, the freer it is; On the other hand, there is the life of a spontaneous community, in which the individual inevitably obeys the predetermined laws for him. ”
Whether you are gregarious or not, friends or not, are all your own choices, and you can't say that it's absolutely good, and you can't say that it's absolutely not.
Instead of trapping your old age in the rules set by others, it is better to go home and live your own little life.
Inner pleasure is the root of happiness; Really don't pin your happiness on outsiders.
After the party, I realized that it is better to miss each other than to see each other.
After walking alone, I realized that people rely on themselves.
It is easy to get money, and it is difficult to find a confidant, so don't ask for it.
Author: Cloth Clothes Coarse Food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The pictures in the article come from the Internet.