In November 2016, Wu Wenjun, an 85-year-old man in Nantong, Jiangsu Province, took his two children to court.
They were asked to bear their own expenses for six years in the senior living apartment, totaling 380,000 yuan, as well as monthly alimony.
For her mother's lawsuit, her 62-year-old daughter, Xu Changying, was shocked and heartbroken.
She said in court: "Other people's daughters have a mother, but I don't have a mother, it's because she doesn't want to recognize me, it's not that I don't care about her!" "
Why did she say that? Why did the relationship between mother and daughter come to this point?
A sad childhood
When Xu Changying saw the court's summons, she couldn't help but think of her childhood.
She and her younger brother Xu Jianjun were sent to her aunt's house for foster care since they were children, and in her first 18 years, she barely felt even the slightest care from her mother.
Although life in my aunt's house is taken care of by relatives, it cannot replace the care of my parents.
Xu Changying grew up in this environment, and her heart always longed for her mother's recognition and love.
However, even after returning to her mother, Xu Changying still couldn't feel the warmth of her mother's love.
When Xu Changying was 14 years old, she wanted to help her mother work to put briquettes in the stove, but the flames jumped high and her hair was so long that it accidentally burned her braids.
The fire was long and hot, and she was so frightened that she spun around and shouted "Mom, help me".
However, in the face of his daughter's accident, Wu Wenjun showed chilling indifference.
She didn't even look up, and continued to make sweaters for her eldest son, and finally Xu Changying ran to the snow outside and rolled a few laps to extinguish the fire, and if it was a little later, the fire would burn her scalp.
This incident caused great psychological trauma to Xu Changying, and her mother's indifferent attitude made her feel deeply disappointed and sad.
Xu Changying began to realize that she was a dispensable existence in her mother's heart.
However, what really led to the complete breakdown of the mother-daughter relationship was an incident when Xu Changying was 18 years old.
At that time, Xu Changying decided to marry a man with the same surname.
In the social environment at that time, everyone believed that intermarriage between the same surname was a great bad luck.
Therefore, Xu Changying's decision aroused strong opposition from his mother Wu Wenjun.
Wu Wenjun believes that marrying with the same surname is contrary to tradition and may attract criticism. However, Xu Changying insisted on his choice, believing that it was a bad custom not to allow intermarriage with the same surname.
In this conflict, Wu Wenjun called relatives and friends at home and announced in public that he had severed the mother-daughter relationship with Xu Changying.
This decision was undoubtedly a bolt from the blue for Xu Changying, which meant that she would never have a home from then on.
After that, Xu Changying was forced to start an independent life.
There was no mother at her wedding, not even a member of her mother's family.
After getting married, she took her husband to buy a bunch of things back to her parents' house several times in a row to try to ease the relationship, and every time she thought about it, she was beaten out with a broom by her mother before she entered the door.
This incident deeply hurt her, and also made her disappointed in her mother, and the two families have not been in touch since.
So is Wu Wenjun so indifferent by nature? Why do this to your own children.
Eccentric mother
Quite the opposite, in fact.
Wu Wenjun has three children: the eldest son Xu Jianguo, the daughter Xu Changying, and the younger son Xu Jianjun.
She has very different attitudes towards her three children.
She has a special preference for her eldest son Xu Jianguo, and almost all her love and resources are poured into him.
Xu Jianguo has received special care from his mother since he was a child, and Wu Wenjun has given him the greatest care in terms of life care or spiritual support.
When Xu Jianguo was a child, his family was not wealthy at that time, but Wu Wenjun always tried his best to provide him with the best.
As long as it is what Xu Jianguo wants, Wu Wenjun will try his best to get it for him.
This kind of oblique care is particularly dazzling in the eyes of other children in the family.
As Xu Jianguo grew up, Wu Wenjun's preference did not decrease, but became more and more obvious.
Whenever Xu Jianguo achieves a little achievement, Wu Wenjun will be overjoyed and repeatedly show off in front of relatives and friends, as if she only has this one child.
Not only that, whenever Xu Jianguo made a mistake, she was always the first to stand up and excuse him. Even if it is an obvious mistake, in the eyes of Wu Wenjun, it has become "a child is not sensible".
Xu Jianguo, as the eldest brother in the family, logically has to take care of his younger brothers and sisters, but in this family, or in Wu Wenjun's heart, everything he does is right, and his younger brothers and sisters must let him.
This kind of partiality makes the other children in the family feel deeply unfair and hurt.
Even if Xu Jianguo is an adult, most of the family's resources will still be tilted towards him, and if there is money to spend on him, as long as it is his request, it will always be satisfied.
And Xu Changying and Xu Jianjun are transparent people in this family, they dropped out of school early, just to work to supplement the family.
Even Wu Wenjun's sister said, "The boss's fart is fragrant in her heart."
This long-term preference sows seeds of discord in the family.
Xu Changying and Xu Jianjun gradually realized that their mother's heart seemed to have only one place for the eldest brother.
The other two children longed for their mother's affection, but on the other hand, they resented being neglected for a long time. This ambivalence eventually led to the continued deterioration of family relationships.
As long as the money doesn't want a daughter
Wu Wenjun's case against his two children for alimony was finally decided after a court trial.
The court found that, despite the long-term tension in family relations, the legal obligation of the child to support his or her parents remained.
Therefore, the court ruled that Xu Changying and Xu Jianjun needed to bear part of the alimony, but it was not as much as Wu Wenjun said.
Instead, Xu Jianhua bears 41,000 yuan and gives 990 yuan per month for living expenses; Xu Changying bears 33,000 yuan and gives 810 yuan per month for living expenses.
In the face of this verdict, Xu Changying expressed her willingness to fulfill her maintenance obligations, but she hoped that her mother would recognize her daughter.
Xu Changying's request reflects her deep desire for maternal love.
Despite years of estrangement and hurt, Xu Changying still hopes to repair her relationship with her mother.
However, things did not become easier because of Xu Changying's statement.
Wu Wenjun faced his daughter's request and said an extremely chilling sentence, "I only want money, not my daughter."
Successful mediation breaks the ice in the relationship
This sentence made the judge realize that a mere legal decision may not really solve the root cause of the problem.
Therefore, during the trial of the case, the judge took the initiative to assume the role of mediator, trying to build a bridge of communication for this broken family.
After many times of patient communication and persuasion, the relationship between Wu Wenjun and Xu Changying eased for a short time.
Xu Changying decided to take the first step, and she began to visit her mother regularly, which was the first active contact between them in many years.
Xu Changying's visit was full of embarrassment and discomfort at first, and the mother and daughter, who had not seen each other for many years, did not know how to get along for a while.
However, as the number of visits increased, the atmosphere between the two gradually eased. Xu Changying began to understand her mother's living situation and was concerned about her health.
As time went on, Xu Changying not only visited, but also began to take the initiative to take care of her mother. She would buy groceries for her mother, prepare some delicious meals, and even accompany her to the doctor when she was unwell.
And Wu Wenjun gradually reacted to his daughter's actions. Although she didn't express it explicitly, it could be seen from her eyes and subtle changes in expression that she was touched in her heart.
The ice that has been there for many years seems to be slowly melting in these daily cares.
The attempt to repair the relationship, though fragile and short-lived, offers hope for the family.
Relations have completely deteriorated
However, the newly eased relationship between Xu Changying and her mother, Wu Wenjun, did not last long.
Just when people thought that the family might usher in a turnaround, a new variable appeared - Xu Changying's eldest brother Xu Jianguo returned.
With the appearance of Xu Jianguo, the relationship between mother and daughter deteriorated rapidly, as if it had returned to the original point overnight.
The understanding and communication that had been established through hard work had become gone without Xu Jianguo's intervention.
Wu Wenjun seems to have completely forgotten about his daughter's visitation, care and concern, and even denied that these things had ever happened.
This denial is undoubtedly a blow to Xu Changying. She couldn't understand why her efforts and efforts could be so easily erased.
Those days of accompanying me to the doctor, those times of preparing delicious meals, those bits and pieces of daily life, are completely absent from my mother's memory.
Ms. Xu began to wonder if the previous reconciliation efforts really made sense.
She felt that her kindness had been betrayed and her efforts had been neglected. This feeling of denial made her fall into the confusion and disappointment of this mother-daughter relationship again.
The change in her mother's attitude also made Xu Changying understand that she was not worth mentioning in her mother's eyes.
After a series of twists and turns, the story of this family finally came to a regrettable ending.
After a brief détente and subsequent deterioration, Xu decided that she would pay alimony in accordance with the court's decision, but would not visit her mother, Wu Wenjun, after that.
She had been so sincere in trying to repair her relationship with her mother, and it took time and effort.
However, when these efforts were denied, and when the relationship hit rock bottom again, Xu Changying felt that she had exhausted her emotional resources.
She chose to fulfill her legal obligations, but emotionally distanced herself from her mother.
Xu Changying paid the alimony awarded by the court on time, and she indicated that she would fulfill her responsibilities as a child.
However, the giving of money does not make up for the lack of affection, and she is disappointed in her mother again.
Resources:
1. CCTV's statement today: "The Appeal of the Old Mother"
2. Gaocheng Law Popularization: "In 2016, an 85-year-old mother in Jiangsu, after breaking off relations with her daughter for 40 years, asked for 360,000 alimony"