In the question of seeking psychological counseling help, I often see this confusion:
◍ In interpersonal communication, I am particularly inferior, dare not express my thoughts and needs, afraid of being rejected, often wronged myself, which makes me particularly painful and depressed, how can I get along with people freely?
◍ I have been graduating from college for a few years, I have not had a job, I feel that I can't do anything, I have been staying at home, sleeping all day, playing games... I am actually very miserable and want to change the status quo, but I may be out of touch with society, what should I do?
◍ I have a promotion opportunity, the leader also recommended me, but there are several candidates, although my previous job performance is OK, but they are also very good, and they may be worse than me, thinking about these is nervous, the head hurts, nothing can be done, I want to give up the election, should I insist?
◍ I like a girl very much, I can feel that she has a good feeling for me... But I'm just an ordinary front-line clerk now, no house and no car... I'm afraid she'll care about that, and I'm afraid that I won't have a good development at work and won't give her a future... Should I go and confess to her?
……
Today, from the perspective of autopsychology, we will talk about the commonalities in these problems.
01 What is an autology?
Each client's confusion has its own causes and needs to be comprehensively understood from different perspectives, but there is also a common problem that is "lack of self-confidence" or "low self-esteem".
Everyone will have some negative and painful emotional experiences when experiencing setbacks or trauma, some people will slowly come out of this emotion through self-soothing or the companionship of others, some people will fall into self-denial depression and can't extricate themselves, and some people will act like nothing has happened, but through some "symptoms" to express...
And how we face these setbacks depends on the psychological structures that underpin our "narcissism."
Autopsychology is to expound the psychological structure from the perspective of human narcissistic needs, and the core structure is the self.
The self is the center of the positivity and agency of the personality, a deep psychological concept, and at the center of the experience/experience, the recipient of various influences, bringing together each person's special, core ambitions, ideals, talents, and skills, initiating and maintaining the whole of self-encouragement, self-guidance, and self-sustainment functions, which provides the core value of the personality and gives meaning to the person's life (Wolf).
Image credit: Pinterest
02 What does a healthy self look like?
The sense of self is not directly expressed, but a comprehensive, indescribable, unobservable, core, fundamental, and decisive experience.
The sense of self-body can be externalized into the "ten senses" - sense of existence, sense of efficacy, sense of value, sense of competence, sense of stability, sense of certainty, sense of purpose, sense of direction, sense of control, sense of integration, these ten senses are the fundamental pursuit of our daily life and work. Self-psychological-oriented counselors, in their work to identify and constantly repair these ten senses, requires a very delicate and patient work between the consulting leagues.
We can look at the characteristics of the healthy self and the fragile self, and how the disintegration of the self is, so as to feel and evaluate our current sense of self, and appropriately self-adjust or seek the help of psychological counseling.
Healthy Autologous:
◍ Sense of unity, continuity, vitality, and positivity
◍ As a result of empathy with others, emotions are fluid and energetic
◍ Can feel and express emotions clearly and deeply
◍ Gain positive, rewarding feelings through skills and talents and achieving goals
Fragile autology:
◍ Obsessive behaviors such as addiction, alcoholism, drug attachment, sex, and excessive exercise
◍ Frequent anxiety, depression, irritability, fear (external world or physical integrity)
◍ Diffuse physical discomfort
Itself a breakdown:
◍ Disintegration anxiety: the disappearance of the sense of autounciation
◍ From a slight anxiety to a fear of the loss of the entire structure of the body
◍ The autosensory experience seems to no longer work in harmony with each other
◍ The self has a serious loss of continuity in time, a sense of unity in space, and a widespread and sustained fear of fragmentation of the body and physical health
◍ Feeling that the body is being divided into different parts, losing tolerance, stepping on the water in the center of the ocean without any support
◍ Feeling lost, dead, the body as if it were not his own, and the thoughts felt strange, beyond the patient's mental organization
◍ Excessive diet and medication, repeated masturbation, chaotic sexual behavior, excessive sleep
The self does not exist alone, but is always to be spoken of in the context of the object of the self.
The self-object is not an entity, it is an intrinsic experience and need of ours, and of course we internalize through our interactions with important dependents in infancy.
This experience can bring us two types of regulatory functions - soothing and motivating, soothing is the interactive adjustment of negative feelings, and motivation is the interactive adjustment of positive feelings.
In real life, we are more likely to experience a dual adjustment process at the same time, constantly expanding positive emotions and minimizing negative emotional states.
03 Three types of human development needs
Kohut emphasized three types of human development needs:
◍ Mirroring needs related to building and maintaining self-confidence
◍ Idealized needs related to experiencing a sense of security, certainty, and comfort
◍ The need for another experience related to experiencing similarities and intimacies in human partners
If these development needs are not met, they will have different impacts.
If the mirror image needs are not met:
It can make us feel very painful in setbacks (fatal blows to the psychological connection of life and death);
Compensatory sex (compulsive sex, various addictions);
Always feel like you've done something wrong;
The empirical "organization" that affects the self (often employing the defense mechanism of denial), the development of healthy expression is inhibited (even fixed in an exaggerated state), and personality structure (such as masochism) is affected.
If the idealized need is not met:
Experience low security and reduced emotional regulation of anxiety, fear, and aggression;
There are no good idols to confirm and imitate, and ambitions are hit;
More likely to produce a sense of emptiness;
Desire to have a relationship with an idealized (perfect) other.
If my experience needs are not met:
It can make us lose our sense of belonging, causing adolescent identity and separation-individuation problems.
Human development is lifelong. The "just right setbacks" in infancy make our personality structure stronger, and after adulthood, we who encounter various problems can still continue to experience, perceive and repair the needs of our own objects in our life experience, and eventually move towards maturity and self-confidence.
exegesis
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Heinz Kohut (1913-1981) was the founder of autopsychology (one of the important theoretical schools of contemporary psychoanalysis) and proposed important concepts such as "self" and "self-object".
Author: Liu Gai Consultant
Editor-in-Charge: Ripple, Andrea
Cover image source: Pinterest
▽ Always feel inferior to others?