I am an untamed wife, and I will never follow him, probably this is also the temper of shandong people.
Many years later, Shen Ying summed up the difference between herself and Liang Zongdai's Lao Yan with the temper of a Shandong person.
And the resentment and heartache in it, Shen Sakura spent a lifetime not fully digested.
Shen Sakura's real name is Chen Ying, and when she was a teenager, she loved the Japanese literature translated by the Zhou brothers, so she gave herself the pen name "Shen Sakura".
Romantic girl, delicate tenderness, let Shen Ying have extraordinary achievements in literature, when she graduated from Shanghai Fudan University, she has published three novels, becoming a dazzling new star in the literary world.
Because of the influence of new literature, Shen Sakura also pays attention to women's freedom and independence, she abandons the shyness and tolerance of women in the old society, and is extremely tough in marriage feelings.
The first marriage, because of her husband's empathy, Shen Ying, who was only 24 years old, resolutely chose to divorce, regardless of being labeled as a divorced woman from then on.
It wasn't until later, when Shen Ying and her friends went to the "poetry reading meeting" held by Zhu Guangqian and Liang Zongdai, in the momentary confrontation, Shen Ying was sure that he had found the right person.
At this time, Liang Zongdai, who had just bid farewell to his French lover and returned to China, served as a professor in the department of Chinese of Peking University, with personable demeanor, full of talent, and a very literary atmosphere of Shen Ying, extremely committed.
They quickly fell in love.
Later, they resigned their fame and fortune, and in a hut in Hayama, where they quietly read and wrote, and lived a leisurely life of paradise and red sleeves. Barkin later recalled:
In the quiet life of the pine forest, the couple was intoxicated in happiness. I saw it all with my own eyes in his exquisite cabin. ”
It was also in such a beautiful fairyland year that Liang Zongdai's creative talent was infinitely stimulated, and he translated the poems of Goethe, Valery and many other famous artists, which were later collected into "The Peak of Everything".
After an enviable life of seclusion, the two eventually returned to reality.
In 1935, they returned to Beiping and officially married.
Fairy tales always end at the happy wedding of the prince and princess, leaving a happy ending.
But life is not a fairy tale, after experiencing the initial beauty, always have to return to the reality of chai rice oil and salt.
After marriage, Liang Zongdai was invited to teach at Nankai University, and Shen Ying wanted to continue his literary creation, but he was helpless to get out of the family affairs, which made Shen Ying extremely distressed.
However, Shen Ying has not yet been freed from the family affairs, their daughter Si Wei was born again, and she has to take care of the housework and take care of her daughter, and Shen Ying has no time to write. A few years passed, and Barkin asked her to write a manuscript, but she didn't finish a single one.
Shen Sakura is a new-age woman who pursues dreams, and naturally is not willing to live such a trivial life. She told her husband about her troubles, and Liang Zongdai, instead of understanding, thought that Shen Ying was making a fuss for no reason, and the two began to quarrel.
Perhaps what really makes Shen Ying sad is not how much she has paid for her family, but her own efforts are not cherished. Liang Zongdai enjoyed the stable life she brought, but he did not understand the dream she sacrificed for this, especially the name of her daughter, Si Wei Siwei, who missed her old girlfriend, and let Shen Ying feel like a fish in her throat.
And in such a quarrel and silence, the second daughter Siqing was born again, and Shen Ying was even busier.
She became silent little by little, losing her pre-marital glory, and Liang Zongdai not only did not feel anything, but also gave her a fatal blow at this time.
In 1943, when Liang Zongdai returned to his hometown of Guangxi to deal with his deceased father's inheritance, he fell in love with Cantonese opera actor Gan Shaofen, and not only tried his best to redeem herself, but also announced with great fanfare that he would marry her.
This became the last thing that crushed Shen Sakura.
She left, with two daughters, and a child still alive.
Shen Ying left, and a few months later gave birth to a son Siming, and the mother and son completely left Liang Zongdai's life.
Liang Zongdai had wanted to save it, but the arrogance in Shen Ying's bones made her unwilling to accept it anymore, and Liang Zongdai had to give up.
In his bones, although he was deeply influenced by the literature of the new era, he still thought about the three wives and four concubines of the old era, and did not think that there was anything wrong with him.
In her heart, she even thought that maybe Shen Sakura would not be able to bear the pressure of raising three children and return to him.
However, he ignored that Shen Sakura was an independent woman deeply affected by the new era, not the silk flower he imagined.
Shen Ying regained the literature that had been left behind for a long time, and after eight years of quitting writing, she wrote the short story "Doll" again, just as dazzling as when she first entered the literary world.
This became her last work on the mainland.
Later, in 1948, Shen Ying took her three children and went to Taiwan with her family.
Before leaving, she had resolutely said, "Never see Liang Zongdai again!" ”
However, in her suitcase, she still carries the work "The Peak of Everything" written by Liang Zongdai when the two were originally in love.
She still hasn't forgotten Liang Zongdai, but even if she is sad and lost, Shen Ying will never allow herself to turn back, she said:
The reason for being separated from him is both simple and complex. He was rich and a man with a dual personality. I can only be liberated without him, otherwise, it will be difficult for me to get out. I am an untamed wife, and I will never follow him, probably this is also the temper of shandong people.
Liang Zongdai always thought that Shen Ying would turn back, but he did not expect that this stubborn Shandong woman had suffered a lifetime of loneliness and never looked back for him.
After Shen Ying arrived in Taiwan, she taught at a middle school.
Through work and amateur writing, she supported three children and family.
During this period, many like-minded literary friends also befriended her, and her life was lively and rich.
Supposedly, Shen Sakura's life is full, but she often feels lonely.
Shen Sakura naturally knew that such loneliness came from the person across the strait, hidden deep in her memory. Especially whenever I write in a case and find that my writing style has long been unconsciously deeply influenced by Liang Zongdai, this sense of loneliness is even stronger.
But even so, Shen Sakura never planned to turn back.
She devoted all her enthusiasm to parenting and literature, and finally translated the novel "Letter from a Strange Woman".
As soon as this translation was published, it was in short supply, and Shen Ying became famous again.
But she still has not forgotten, the worldly fame and fortune, the realization of dreams, have not completely erased the traces of Liang Zongdai in her life, when the children grow up and meet Liang Zongdai, Liang Zongdai through the children to express their thoughts to Shen Ying, Shen Ying and Liang Zongdai finally resumed correspondence.
However, she still refused to meet, writing in her letter:
I often say to my children that in the relationship between husband and wife, we are resentful, but in literature, you are the teacher who has the deepest influence on me, and I still have not escaped your old barriers in reading and writing.
Occasionally, I can talk about some parenting scriptures, as if to make up for the missed years of raising children together.
But Shen Sakura never let go of the meeting.
In 1982, when Shen Ying, who was already over the age, returned to Beijing, during the few months of her stay, she met many old people from the past, but in the face of Liang Zongdai's request to meet, she never agreed.
Even if they all know in their hearts, this may be the last side of their lives.
In 1983, Liang Zongdai died.
From the separation of negative qi in his youth and health, to the death of his death in his later years, Liang Zongdai may never have thought that Shen Ying could decide to this point.
In 1988, Shen Sakura died on the other side of the ocean, entangled in a lifetime of love and hate, and it disappeared.
Some people do not understand that Shen Ying has never forgotten Liang Zongdai, and their marriage relationship has always existed.
Shen Ying and his friends wrote letters, and always thought of themselves with Mrs. Liang, plus there were three children between them, Liang Zongdai had remorse, but Shen Ying was stubborn enough to be surprising.
And this may be the concept of marriage and love that is understood by a woman with enough self-respect and self-love cultivated in the new trend of thought:
Not stingy with dedication, but absolutely demanding equality and respect.
Text/Du Feifei