Author/Window Sill
To tell the truth, some parents urge marriage, which is really scary.
They can basically say that they don't care about anything, as long as they are not married, they will blame all the faults on you, and the parents who are a little more reasonable may also think from the perspective of their children, if they meet that kind of completely unreasonable parents, no matter what you say or do, the parents can ignore it, and they can only see the result that you are not married.
Last night, I received a complaint from a friend who described her mother this way: "This is where the marriage is urged." My mom was literally pushing. ”
Because her mother said that she was not married, she cried on the other end of the phone, which made her feel impatient at the same time, but also mixed with some regrets and apologies. It's not that she doesn't want to get married, it's that she doesn't want to just be there, and coupled with the fact that she just turned 27 this year and is on the rise of her career, she thinks that marriage really doesn't have to be so anxious.
Although she is not in a hurry, the attitude of her parents will still affect her emotions to a certain extent.
Especially this time is almost New Year's Day, her mother went to participate in the wedding of some friends and children, about the same age, everyone is married, she is not yet married.
Her mother started talking about it, and then told her not to pick it, almost.
Whenever she hears this, she is more speechless, because she really thinks that she has not picked, she has been busy with work all these years, she herself has not invested much time in love, and it is impossible to say that she is old, do not care about anything, as long as you find a suitable person to get married.
It's not something she's after.
Urging marriage, I believe, is that many men and women of the right age to marry often face, especially in the New Year, will be overly urged to the status quo. After all, many people, returning home in the New Year, will choose a blind date under the arrangement of their parents at home, or take advantage of the New Year's break time to hold a wedding, so the contrast generated by such an atmosphere is to put the marriage promotion in front.
As parents, they hope that their children will get married at an old age, first of all, it must be because of the limitations of their own thinking, and they look at many things with the ideas of their time, thinking that in this life, in any case, the first thing to follow should be the male big marriage and the female big marriage.
Although my mother did not know how to urge me, she would often say that when she was as old as me, I was already born, so as to remind me from the side not only to be busy with work, but also to pay attention to my own life events. My mom and dad got married in their early twenties, so I, who wasn't married at the age of 27, must have been a proper older age in my parents' opinion.
I have discussed this issue with my mother and carefully studied each other's views on marriage, although my mother also believes that the other half of life is very important, can not be so hasty to choose, can not be because of the age and casual, or carefully choose, this is a lifetime.
But at the same time, out of a motherly instinct, she always thought that only when I got married, her task would be completed, and she would be more at ease with my future life.
All in all, there can be many reasons why parents urge their children to get married.
But I gradually found that although some parents, in the name of being good for their children, in fact, what they really care about may be their own interests and face. The matter of urging marriage, urging, has lost its original meaning.
I have a classmate's sister, 34 years old, has been in the atmosphere of being urged by her parents to marry for all these years, and her sister is not optimistic about marriage herself. Mainly her parents' marriage, in fact, is not so good, her mother has been complaining about her father all her life, saying how bitter she has been in this life, and the two sisters agree when they talk about it.
But despite this, her mother still spared no effort on the road of marriage. If her sister belongs to the high vision, it is not right to meet the right person, because her sister, in fact, treats the requirements of the other half more objectively, and there is no excessive demand.
But her sister's personality is more Buddhist, has not accepted any blind date for two years, nor has she seen the blind date, including the usual social circle, usually in addition to work, is some former classmates will contact, basically some girls play together, there are few boys, the fixation of the social circle, so that her sister's single, has continued like this.
Her sister was not in a hurry. On the contrary, she said that she can accept a life alone, and she is also trying to save money and try to leave some security for the future pension.
Her sister often advised her parents, saying that she would definitely give them a pension, her own life and marriage, so that her parents should not worry too much, do not care about so many things, anyway, they should not see that day.
Her parents are still in a hurry. This year, her sister returned home, or refused a blind date introduced by a relative in the family, and then her mother was anxious and helplessly offered: "Mom and your dad want faces, you can get married and leave again." She was stunned to hear this, and neither of the sisters thought that the marriage of their children was often just a matter of face with their parents.
Her mother believes that every time she returns to her hometown, she is asked by many people, which makes their hearts feel embarrassed, thinking that her daughter is obviously not worse than others, has always had good grades when she is studying, and can earn money after graduation.
To put it bluntly, parents, to a certain extent, absolutely link the success of life to marriage. As long as you don't get married, no matter how hard or capable this person is, in the eyes of your parents, this achievement may be greatly reduced, and marriage is the top priority in life.
As for how the marriage was, it was not within the consideration of the parents at first.
In their time, many of them followed the words of their parents, and they may not have met twice before getting married, and in the end, even if they are noisy, there are still many people who can get by. This attitude toward marriage will certainly be substituted for the marriage of children in the values of parents.
Not marrying is first and foremost original sin, and then there are other measures.
The development of modern society and the awakening of women's consciousness have made marriage more flexible, and personal choices are more diversified, and even some people no longer think that marriage is a necessary experience in life, but want to pursue a free life that truly belongs to them.
Of course, this is ultimately a personal choice, whether you regret it or not, everyone needs to take responsibility for their own choices.
However, I advise you, in the matter of whether to marry or not, or not to blindly follow the trend, some people obviously want to get married, but also long for someone to be able to share the joys and sorrows of life with themselves, but also slowly follow the footsteps and thoughts of others, gradually contrary to their original ideas, become particularly contradictory, while longing for marriage, but also clamoring for singleness.
In this way, it is really an irrational behavior, and you should have your own understanding and judgment. Remember: Whether you are married or not, you should start according to the actual situation and think deeply about the future results.
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