Every year in the New Year, you can see such news:
Cosmetics were ruined by bear children;
The child who came to the house broke the expensive handicraft;
New Year's Eve came to the house with bear children rummaging through my things...
Some people will choose not to worry about the New Year and the face of relatives, and some people will choose to make a resolute claim without mercy, but no matter how you choose, this is not a pleasant thing.
In such incidents, the most common occurrence is a sentence: "Children do not understand things, the big New Year's Day, forget it." ”
The so-called "ignorance" is actually a sense of no boundary.
01 What is a sense of boundaries?
When we were still in our infancy, we would treat everything around us as our own, thinking that the world revolved around me.
As soon as I cried, my mother would come and hug me; as soon as I was hungry, the milk would be fed to my mouth; whatever I wanted, with just a finger, the people around me would give it to me according to my wishes.
This period is what we call the "Almighty Narcissism Period."
As parents, of course we want to give our children the best things in the world.
When in the process of parenting, everything is done according to the child's wishes, there is no sense of boundaries in the family relationship, so that the child is above the parents or parents, it will make the "almighty narcissistic period" child unable to transition smoothly, and gradually grow into a "giant baby".
When they get along with others, they exhibit domineering, selfish, and self-centered behavioral traits.
To show it is to be unreasonable, and even to arbitrarily possess and damage other people's belongings.
They are always self-righteous, thinking that what I like you should also like, and what I want you should also give me.
Exactly like the bear children in the news who rummaged through other people's things and wantonly damaged other people's belongings.
02
Therefore, we must let children understand that everyone has their own principles and boundaries, and what they think is not necessarily what others think.
The sense of boundaries in homeschooling is to be willing to reject your child.
Qi Wei once shared in the show that she once quarreled with her 3-year-old daughter because of a skirt.
A dress that the daughter likes very much, and resolutely does not let Qi Wei wear it.
And Qi Wei did not retreat, insisting that she bought it at her own expense, and would not be accustomed to her own monopoly because of her daughter's young age.
Many people may say that children are small and do not understand things, so what can they do.
However, our children need to understand that although my mother is my mother, I am not at my disposal, and everything about my mother belongs to my mother.
Distinguishing between you and me can make him recognize the world at the same time as his relationship with the world. Satisfying a child without principle is only helping him to establish a false outlook on life and the world order.
03 Will not ask for help
Therefore, you may wish to try to be a parent who insists on a sense of boundaries, learn how to say no to your children gently and firmly, and learn to self-discipline and lead by example.
Parents' love for their children must have reasonable boundaries, which is the best way to love children.
Children only manage their actions when they know to bear the consequences for their actions. In the process of undertaking and managing, they have become their own masters, and this experience will make children feel different from others.
For example, when a child takes his own belongings without consent, he can tell the child: "Although I would like to give it to you, but this is something that belongs to me, it is not right to take it without my consent, so I am a little angry." ”
These performances may seem incoherent, but they are actually helping children understand what is right and wrong and gradually establish their own boundaries.
In addition to feeling loved, your child needs to understand that there is a distance between people, even if it is a mother who is intimate.
This is the establishment of a sense of boundaries.
A good parent-child relationship should have a sense of boundaries to get along with.
While giving your child love and security, don't forget to teach him how to establish a sense of boundaries with others.