For girls, sometimes "spicy" is a little, but it is a kind of protection for themselves.
Author | summer
A mom made a post online.
His daughter was slapped in the face by a male classmate in the class.
The red and swollen fingerprints did not disappear after sleeping for a night.
The mother looked at the wound on her daughter's face, and she was distressed and angry.
What hurts is that the baby I hold in the palm of my hand has suffered such a great grievance and injury.
Indignantly, how could the boy who had beaten someone treat a girl so rudely, and it was said that several children in the class had been made to cry by him, and this time the situation was even more serious, and his parents knew about it but did not apologize at all.
The mother could not suppress the anger in her heart, so she sent a questioning message in the class group:
We also told our children not to make trouble at school and not to cause trouble.
The child is still young, but what is the situation of being inexplicably slapped in the face by the child, and the strength is not small.
Moreover, the boy himself has great strength, and he does not know the weight of the hand.
In today's family, everyone has only one or two children, and parents can't bear to beat their children, if they pat their backs and hit their arms, this time they are slapped...
Every word makes us deeply feel what is called "pain in the child's body, pain in the mother's heart".
In fact, for many families with daughters, the most feared thing is that their daughters are bullied.
We often raise our daughters to be well-behaved, sensible, and gentle.
However, in the face of other people's injuries and attacks, the "little sheep" girl has no power to fight back.
A while ago, a video of a wife in Shaanxi being beaten by her husband caused a sensation across the country.
The wife sat on the couch holding her two-year-old daughter, not knowing what had infuriated her husband.
The tall and burly husband did not even care about the presence of the child, so he exerted all his strength, straightened his arms, and worked to the left and right of his wife, violently beating her head.
The wife is beaten up, and the husband not only does not stop, but becomes more crazy.
In the video, the husband pulls the wife who wants to escape, rides on the wife's body, strangles the wife's neck with both hands, and continues to beat her wildly.
The child was crying and crying next to him, the wife was helplessly dodging and bearing, and the husband's fist kept falling without the slightest hesitation...
After the video fermented on the Internet, the wife sent a long post accusing her husband of not being.
It turned out that since marriage, the wife had not received the care and love of her husband.
The husband ignores his wife and children, encourages his wife again and again to ask for money from the family, and punches and kicks his wife at the slightest dissatisfaction.
Even when the wife is pregnant, when she is confined, she is not soft.
Even young children would be thrown on the bed like garbage.
In fact, she could have made her husband's domestic violence public very early on, and she could decisively cut off the relationship, but her timidity, hesitation and struggle made her choose to tolerate and forgive again and again.
And this time, it's no exception.
Because the end of the matter is:
The wife again chose to forgive her husband, who was sentenced to only 5 days of detention.
Countless netizens scolded their violent husbands while worrying more about their wives' next situation.
There is a saying on the Internet that is particularly well said:
"Not all kindness will be treated gently, and some kindness will always be bullied."
Educating their daughters as weak and well-behaved "little sheep" is actually harming them.
Because, in the face of the harm and trampling of others, the kindness and concession without principles and bottom lines will only make others more unscrupulous and aggravated.
After reading these two stories, I can't help but start to worry about my 3-year-old daughter, worried that she will be bullied and hurt by others in the future where I can't see.
At the same time, I couldn't help but think: How do we educate our boys and girls?
The writer Ai Xiaoyang put forward a point of view through his own personal experience, which I deeply agree with:
Boys should be trained to be "gentlemen" and girls to be "shrews".
Why?
Because the growth of girls in this world is not easy.
Whether they are under the influence of psychological factors, physical factors, or traditional ideas, they are in a relatively weak position and bear more risks than boys.
Boys, on the other hand, are naturally aggressive, and they are keen to attack the weak from an early age, and get pleasure from the behavior of flooding ant nests and trampling caterpillars to death.
If we still follow the traditional way of education, let the weak girls be gentler, let the boys who are already aggressive, and be stronger, this can easily create a vicious cycle:
Boys are becoming more and more aggressive, but girls are always struggling to protect themselves.
Therefore, we must think outside the old ways of thinking and try better education.
I remember a strange debater once said this:
The men around every girl are potential "suspects."
Whether it is a stranger or an acquaintance, there may be hidden dangers.
We can't protect our daughters anytime and anywhere, let alone protect them for a lifetime, and the safest thing to do is to train them from a "little sheep" who is bullied into a "shrew" who is not easy to mess with.
1. When your daughter is bullied by others, you must teach your daughter to learn to fight back
A boy always bounced on the front table girl's underwear, and the girl told him to stop, and he was biased.
The girl told the teacher, who thought it was a joke between her classmates and told her not to care.
As a result, the boy was even more excessive, and once even popped the button of the girl's underwear open.
The girl was furious and threw two punches at the boy in the face before the boy stopped playing.
The boy's parents and the school felt that it was wrong for the girl to hit someone.
But the girl's mother said:
"She hit someone in self-defense because the child sexually harassed her.
She had already asked for help, but the teacher did not help her, she had to fight back on her own, what else do you want her to do? ”
The words of the girl's mother made the boy's parents and teachers ashamed and embarrassed.
There's a saying that goes something like this:
Not hurting people is a kind of upbringing, but not being hurt by others is an aura.
If we blindly teach girls to "tolerate", it will not only force the child into a situation of "isolation and helplessness", but also bring greater harm to the child.
Only by teaching children to put on their armor and resist bravely can those who want to hurt children be jealous.
2. Raise your daughter to be a bad person
When the writer Sanmao went to college abroad, her mother constantly warned her:
"Don't take the temper of wanton behavior at home abroad; maintain good upbringing; and understand that it is a blessing to suffer losses."
Sanmao has always been very kind to his roommate according to his mother's instructions.
But gradually, Sanmao found that she had become a "Post-it note girl" in the eyes of her roommate.
She has a lot of beautiful clothes that her roommates can wear casually;
She was reading her writing assignments, and her roommates kept asking her to do this and that;
The roommates didn't clean up the bed, they didn't take out the garbage, they didn't sweep the floor, they threw all the work to her.
She was very annoyed about it but couldn't do anything about it.
Until one time, the roommates sat on her bed drinking and having fun, and were caught by the dean, but framed her for culprit.
She couldn't bear to shout at her roommate, hit her classmates frantically with a broom, raised a vase and splashed the dean with water, and spat at the people who caught her.
Since then, her roommate's attitude towards her has reversed dramatically.
The roommates no longer dared to call her at will, but instead took the initiative to show her kindness, help her get clean clothes, and help her bring breakfast.
When Sanmao is humble and courteous, it is exchanged for bullying by others.
When Sanmao is arrogant and not easy to provoke, it has won everyone's respect.
Psychologist Zhang Defen said: "The relationship between individuals and individuals is often mutually devouring. ”
Girls should dare to express anger, dare to establish their own principles and bottom line, only by revealing the aura of "not being easy to mess with", others dare not bully at will.
So, don't take gentleness as a girl's only attribute.
Raising a girl "not good" is the best gift for a girl.
3. Strengthen your daughter's physique
One dad insisted that his daughter learn the same way in taekwondo and sanda, and the mom felt:
"What sanda do girls learn?" Now we have to protect her, grow up with boyfriends and husbands to protect her. ”
Dad said something that convinced countless netizens:
"It's the girls who have to learn, we'll get old, how do you know her boyfriend and husband won't bully her."
People have emotions sometimes, but will you vent your emotions on a lion?
You're just going to lose your temper with the rabbit, do you want her to be that rabbit later? ”
Indeed it is.
Those "soft girls" who seem to have no ability to resist are more likely to be the target of bullying.
And those girls who are physically fit and look very difficult to be subdued will make others jealous of three points.
Bullying the soft and afraid of the hard is the weakness of human nature.
A strong girl's physique, so that the girl is no longer weak and deceitful, is the best talisman for girls.
It is said: The adoptive daughter knows the dangers of the world.
How many invisible twists and turns does a girl have to go through to stumble into adulthood?
A mother shouted angrily after her daughter was tortured by several boys:
"I spent 20 years teaching my daughter how to protect herself, and you didn't spend a second teaching your son not to hurt anyone."
Writer Jawanza Kunjufu also said:
"Some mothers nurture their daughters but dote on their sons.
They let their daughters learn to do housework and go to church, but they didn't let their sons do the same. ”
This is the doting on boys, and it is also the source of many tragedies.
Yao Jinyi, a high school girl from Beijing, is both excellent in character and learning.
Wang Yizhe, a male classmate in the same class, pursued her many times without success.
So one day, Wang Yizhe used the excuse of "student union work" to trick Yao Jinyi into an empty classroom and raped her.
Afterwards, Wang Yizhe was afraid of the defendant's hair and strangled Yao Jinyi.
Wang Yizhe was also sentenced to life imprisonment for rape and intentional homicide.
The bitter lesson tells us that the failure of a boy's education not only ruins an innocent girl, but also ruins his own life.
American feminist Gloria Steinem said:
"I am glad that we have begun to raise our own daughters like we are raising sons;
But if you can't raise your own son like a daughter, it's all in vain. ”
As parents, we have a great responsibility.
We can't just ask girls to be "ladies", but we must also let boys know how to restrain, know how to give, know how to respect and be grateful.
A good education is not just to let the natural part of life thrive until it is deformed, but to light up all the light and potential in the child's life.
Let the girls "pungent" and let the boys "gentlemanly" be the best protection for boys and girls.