Intensive reading mom: The child is the mirror of the parents, the child is anxious about the beginning of the school, to a certain extent, the parents should reflect on themselves.
Author:Jiang Nan (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
Not long ago, a video of #primary school students crying in the fast lane due to anxiety about the start of school was on the hot search.
On February 14, in Nanjing, Jiangsu Province, when traffic police were guarding school at the entrance of a school, they found a young boy sitting in the fast lane crying, unwilling to go to school, and his parents dragged hard to the school gate.
In the video, the traffic police ask the little boy, "Why don't you want to go to school?" ”
The little boy cried and said, "I didn't sleep well in the morning." ”
The traffic police patiently comforted: "The first thing you sit on the ground is very cold, and the second road is full of cars and it is also dangerous." ”
Finally, after the persuasion of the teacher, the parents and the traffic police, the little boy's mood improved and he was sent to school by the traffic police.
Watching the little boy and the traffic police walking towards the back of the school, thinking in a different position, thinking about the mood of our workers on the first day of work, I inexplicably understood the little boy.
Children are the mirrors of parents, children are anxious about school, and to a certain extent, parents have to reflect on themselves.
British psychoanalyst Bion said: "The nature of the relationship, who projects anxiety to whom, or who bears anxiety for whom. ”
In the video, the little boy sits in the fast lane and bursts into tears, which is to project anxiety to the parents, the parents are the party who bears the anxiety, the child will not ease, and the parents need to accept and channel the child's emotions with a tolerant attitude.
In the back of school, parents are also anxious
There is a video of a mother throwing all her daughter's books into the fire and burning them, and her daughter is too frightened to speak when she looks at the blazing fire.
According to the father, every time the mother asks her daughter to write homework, she does not love to study, but loves to play, and in the days before the start of school, the child's mother came up with such a method.
Although after the father's explanation, we know that what was burned was the book that the daughter did not want, but the daughter did not know that in the video, the daughter who was motionless and watching the fire was obviously very scared.
I don't know if my daughter will become fond of learning after school starts, but we can be sure that my mother's practice has brought harm to my daughter's body and mind.
Some people say that most of the time in educating children is just about resolving anxiety.
With the reform of education, children's education and healthy growth, but also pay attention to ways and methods, some parents are slowly changing, began to seek scientific solutions.
According to the "Jiangsu Public News" report, many parents with children come to consult in the learning difficulty clinic of Nanjing Children's Hospital, mostly because the children have poor attention, easy to lose their temper, or the problem of writing homework is more procrastinating.
A parent of a student said: "There is still some anxiety, afraid that the child will not be able to keep up in the later stage, and now he is tutoring his child at home." ”
In the school season, parents have anxiety, they are worried about their children's academic performance, and they have made a worst guess in advance, the reason is that there is a gap between the child's performance during the holidays and the parents' imagination, and this gap makes parents annoyed and stressed.
In this regard, the adolescent psychological counselor suggested, "The child will have a transition process in the new semester, the less anxious you are, the more relaxed you are, there is encouragement, support, and comfort, and the child will adapt faster." ”
Anxious parents will make children feel nervous and painful, is not conducive to children's mental health, children's growth takes time, parents are not controlled by emotions, relax, in order to make children grow better in a harmonious and happy family atmosphere.
Parents are not anxious and need to do three things
Parents are not anxious to relax, does not mean that they do not care about their children, do not want their children to become excellent, but pay more attention to their children's emotional needs, and provide better care and companionship for their children.
Anxiety is "contagious", parents are not anxious, need to do the following three points.
1. Give advice on the basis of respecting the child's wishes
In the "Hello Mom" program, Jing Yidan shared her educational philosophy, that is, to let her daughter decide for herself.
Since my daughter was in elementary school, she has made room in the closet to decide what to wear for herself, and will also give advice when her daughter is undecided.
Later, from dressing to going to school, going abroad, working, getting married, and becoming China's first polar guide, it was all her daughter's own decision, and Jing Yidan respected her daughter's choice.
Let the daughter decide for herself and take the initiative to take a step back in the parent-child relationship.
But it does not mean that it is completely left alone, there are some topics Jing Yidan will also analyze the pros and cons with his daughter, but the decision-making power after the analysis is still in the hands of the daughter.
Parents respect their children, give children the space to grow freely, but also pay attention to their children on the basis of respect, and give children timely analysis and suggestions on some important things, with their parents' years of life experience and experience.
2. Let the child enjoy the fun of playing and adjust the emotional and physical state
The picture book "Today We Have No Arrangement" describes the life of an ordinary family for a week.
From Monday to Saturday, my brother and I went to swimming lessons, band training, gym classes, shooting competitions, and occasionally we went for a run in the park.
However, on Sundays, my brother and I can do what we like, build a small room, and bake a cake;
Make something fun with glue, felt and wool, swing, plant an apple seed, make a kite, look at the blue sky, white clouds...
Sukhomlinsky said: "Only when the student does not spend all his time on learning, but leaves a lot of free time, he can study smoothly... This is the logic of the educational process. ”
Children's life, learning is only one aspect, parents should know how to combine work and leisure, cultivate children's interests and hobbies, close to nature, let children absorb nutrition in the days without arrangement, adjust emotional and physical state, and have quality growth.
3, parents can only do one thing to treat their children: love
In "Readers", Zheng Yuanjie, the "King of Fairy Tales", once read a fairy tale "Father and Son" and received rave reviews.
In the Father chapter, the sheep father has a pig son, and he is very satisfied.
Neighbor cow dad, son is a snake, he blows his beard at his son all day long, because the son he expects is a tiger, at least a cow.
Such a father is really unfortunate for the child.
Fathers can only do one thing with their children: love.
Qualified parents should understand that they do not envy the tiger sons of others, nor the sons of maxima, lions are as great as ants.
Only when parents love their children wholeheartedly and live with their children as equals will they feel that their children love their parents more than we think.
The happiest thing in the world, parents love their children, and their children give back the same love, the essence of education is more or less.
Parents are not anxious, the better the child
In "Gu Ailing's CCTV documentary when she was 13 years old: From a ski girl to an Olympic champion", what is more impressive is that before the first adult points competition, Ailing's body suddenly had serious discomfort.
From the beginning of the departure to familiarize herself with the venue, her mother advised her to relax, rest well, and not be in a hurry, while always paying attention to her state, going out overnight to buy medicine for her, and telling her in a calm tone: "You are definitely fine." ”
In the game, Ailing made a mistake in the first slide because he did not have the opportunity to adapt to the venue.
When Ai Ling was most helpless, her mother came forward to hug her and comforted, "I am especially proud of you, you have done a good job." ”
The next day's competition, strenuous exercise caused Ai Ling lung discomfort, Ai Ling did not want to give up the game, and her mother silently accompanied and supported her.
Before the final, her mother hugged her and said to her, "You can do it, Ailing, you're fine." ”
Seeing her land safely, my mother said that our purpose was achieved, first of all, the first safety, especially in the case of illness, recovery and then fun again, no matter what the result, I think it is very good.
After winning the gold medal, Gu Ailing said in an interview:
"I really think my mom is the best mom, because she makes a lot more things than other moms, and then she has to do it by herself, which is really better than all the moms." 」
Teacher Wu Zhihong once said when analyzing Gu Ailing's success code that he watched many videos about Gu Ailing, and in all these videos, you can't see once Gu Ailing's mother creating anxiety for her children.
And we also deeply felt the strong and stable emotions of Gu Ailing's mother in the documentary, whether it was Ailing's illness or mistakes in the game, she always encouraged and comforted Ailing with a gentle embrace and a calm voice.
Teacher Fan Deng once said: "The essence of anxiety is to expect everything to happen according to our own ideas, and anxiety is our instinct." And anxiety has nowhere to go, so whoever you love will be placed on whom. ”
In the same way, good children have a parent who is not anxious.
Parents give encouragement when children make progress, and recognize children when they achieve results;
When the child is helpless, the parents give support, when the child hesitates, the parents give advice, and truly act as the companion of the child's growth, and grow up with the child in the company.
Author's profile: Jiang Nan, parents intensive reading columnist, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement will be investigated
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