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In childhood, the siblings in the family are the best playmates and closest friends of the children. However, as individuals continue to age, the intimate brothers and sisters in childhood will gradually become estranged, and even develop into the biggest enemies in their respective lives, and when a person reaches each stage of life, he will find that getting too close to his brothers and sisters is not a good thing, and even more than worth the loss.
Especially in ordinary families, in the case of limited family resources, brothers and sisters are both the closest people and the biggest competitors from birth.
In the process of people's growth, the gains and losses of interests are testing each other's bottom line of humanity all the time. For example, Su Mingyu, who is very good in TV dramas, as the youngest daughter in the family, cannot get the attention of her family, and can only study at the free normal university.
And in order to let the eldest brother Su Mingzhe successfully study abroad, he also sold the room that originally belonged to Su Mingyu, resulting in Su Mingyu having no room to live in after returning home.
In the face of such a tilt of family resources, can you still take into account the affection between brothers and sisters?
For Su Mingyu, the biggest obstacle to her growth path is her parents and brothers, Su Mingzhe and Su Mingcheng occupy almost all the resources in the family.
This led to Su Mingyu's dissatisfaction with the original family, and also led to a series of subsequent contradictions. Is it true that the society we live in does not even have true feelings between blood relatives?
The answer is no, when the individual is in childhood, such feelings are of course real. However, with the gradual growth of individuals and the formation of their own independent consciousness, this feeling will naturally change.
It is human nature to seek advantage and avoid harm, no matter what kind of person you face, people will naturally choose the party that is beneficial to themselves. As Maugham said, "Hatred and love can exist in the same heart without mutual exclusion." ”
Therefore, the feelings between brothers and sisters are real, but the contradictions and conflicts between brothers and sisters are also inevitable.
Those who are really smart adults understand that a reasonable distance should be kept from their siblings. Even if the relationship between brothers and sisters is blessed by blood kinship, it is still a human relationship in the end. Therefore, maintaining too close or too unfamiliar relationships with siblings can lead to irreparable contradictions.
Japanese psychologist Tsuneko Mura mentioned in the book "Human Worth": "If people want to maintain a longer-term relationship between people, there is only one secret, that is, to maintain an appropriate distance." ”
Almost all psychological research results show that although human beings have an instinctive desire for intimacy, only in communication can they grasp the appropriate degree and maintain intimacy for a long time. The same is true of the relationship between brothers and sisters.
And with the continuous development and progress of individuals in society, even brothers and sisters of the same father and mother will face completely different life situations. After they start their own families, the gap in economic level will gradually appear.
As long as there is a contrast, there will be a gap, which will cause other people to be jealous. In reality, there are too many examples of brothers and sisters turning against each other because of mutual jealousy.
Whether the relationship between the fundamental brothers and sisters can live in harmony is actually a question of whether the distribution of resources is equal. The so-called blood brothers, in fact, are not born to love each other, most of the brothers and sisters can get along harmoniously, because of the parents' emphasis on family education.
The famous psychologist Freud wrote in "Psychoanalytic Theory": "The relationship between children is not harmonious is the normal situation, because they have a lot of contradictions and competitions with each other, in the case of limited family resources, one side occupies more resources, which means that the other party occupies less resources." ”
Therefore, in order for the relationship between brothers and sisters to be able to get along harmoniously, it is first necessary to have a long period of interaction and getting along with each other.
Secondly, parents need to help children eliminate the competitive relationship between each other and guide children to establish a united relationship. Through this deliberate cultivation of children to form a mutually assistive relationship of thinking, most of them can continue into adulthood.
But also do not rule out the existence of special circumstances, everyone has the right to choose their own life, if because of different choices, and brothers and sisters can no longer love each other as they once did, it is also normal.
There is a natural competitive relationship between brothers and sisters, and if you want to maintain a harmonious relationship with each other, you must grasp the distance between you and your brothers and sisters, even if you are relatives, you must pay attention to proportions, and do not take the kindness between brothers and sisters for granted.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205