There is such a question: At home, what do your parents do you hurt the most? One of the high praises replied: Disrespect me.
In the hit drama "Little Joy", Song Qian, a single mother, puts all her love and attention on her children.
For the sake of the child's learning, she replaced the child's room with transparent glass for easy supervision; for the sake of the child's future, she secretly changed the child's college entrance examination volunteer; in order to monopolize the child's love, interfering with her and her father's interactions.
But the love she thought had become the hurt that the child had to bear. Because of Song Qian's long-term interference and disrespect, her daughter Qiao Yingzi was diagnosed with moderate depression and even almost jumped off the bridge and died.
In this way, if you want to make your child close to happiness, instead of constantly rolling in education, it is better to start with respect for the child, so that the child can slowly accumulate the power to gain happiness in respect.
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Lack of respect can suffocate a child's spirits
STRAWBERRY
In the novel "Stoner", Stoner's lover Edith, who is anxious to escape the family, rushes to marry Stoner from a solid middle-class family after a few meetings.
In the book, Edith's sudden emotional venting during her first meeting with Stoner and stoner's feelings when she visited Edith's house are both a little strange.
In the book, there is a description of Edith that her moral training, whether at school or at home, is essentially conservative, to suppress desires, and almost completely suppress sexual desire.
Her parents consider the protection of the child to be a sacred duty, and this protection involves keeping the child away from all acts and thoughts that they consider to be not pure enough, and even contains the willful naughtiness and normal sexual desires in the child's nature.
To that end, they lead by example.
Edith's parents, though polite to each other, show no warmth to each other; they observe all manners and demand that Edith be a model for a lady; they meticulously fulfill their respective roles and obligations, regardless of whether they are willing or not.
Under this demonstration, Edith lost her wayward childhood early on, lost her throbbing youth, and lost the ability to love.
Her family seemed beautiful, but there was no temperature; orderly, but lifeless; seemingly respectful, but indifferent to feelings.
Edith, who grew up in such a family, will also be separated from happiness by thousands of mountains.
2
To give respect is to give sunshine
Singer Leonard Cohen has a song that says: Everything has a rift, and that's where the light comes in.
There are no perfect children and no perfect families. We will always have shortcomings of one kind or another. These shortcomings are like cracks.
As parents, what we have to do is not to ask our children to be the perfect person and heal all the cracks, but to sprinkle sunlight on the cracks, so that there is a light rather than a shadow under the cracks.
In the sitcom "Family with Children", which accompanied us, children were lucky enough to bask in the abundant sunshine of the family.
Liu Mei and Xia Donghai in "Family with Children" formed a restructured family with their children after their divorce. But in this restructured family, there is no imaginary conflict and contradiction and yin and yang weirdness, but it is full of tolerance and respect for the child.
In the first few episodes, Xia Donghai's daughter, like all children, is very resistant to her new mother, Liu Mei. She even brought back the guinea pig that Liu Mei was most afraid of to scare Liu Mei.
But neither Xia Donghai nor Liu Mei chose to blame, but chose to respect and understand the common feelings of children.
Under the tolerance and acceptance, Xiaoxue also gradually accepted Liu Mei, and her title changed from a reluctant "hello" to a kind "old mother".
Liu Xing, a child with poor grades and mischievous mischief, is also respected by his parents.
He proudly said to Xia Donghai, "Dad, to be honest, he especially envies me, envies me for having a very good father, never beats me, we are like brothers." My dad is a real man! ”
Behind this sentence is not only the recognition of Xia Donghai, but also the respect for Liu Xing in Xia Donghai's daily life.
In this family, Xiao Xue, who encounters parental divorce, Liu Xing, who does not study well, and Xiao Yu, who has a complicated family, may not become a perfect person, but it will undoubtedly be confident and sunny because of the respect of childhood, and become an enviable lucky group.
3
Respecting children starts from these three points
The French novelist Victor Hugo said: The greatest happiness in life is the conviction that someone loves us.
And this conviction comes from our parents and their respect and trust for us.
In psychology, the term "support system" is often mentioned. "Support system" refers to the kinds of support that can give us strength and help us through our sadness when we are in a difficult or even desperate situation.
The family, the parents, the family is often the most important link in this support system. And giving respect is the starting point for spiritual support for children.
We can start from the following three aspects.
First of all, do not impose ideas on the child in the name of love, and try to respect the child's feelings.
We always feel that we have walked more roads than our children have crossed, and we want to help our children avoid risks and make better choices for them.
This kind of behavior, which seems to be helping children, is actually "controlling" in the name of "good for you".
Respecting children within the child's ability can start with respecting the child's clothing, friendships and hobbies.
Instead of letting them bother with our nagging, compromise because of our opposition, and give up on ourselves because of our interference, let them be brave enough to be themselves with our support.
Second, do not spy on children's lives in the name of worry, and try to respect children's privacy.
Recently, an interesting thing happened in Urumqi. In order to prevent his mother from looking at his mobile phone, a primary school student chose English chat when chatting with his classmates on his mobile phone, thinking that he could protect his privacy.
It can be seen how important it is for children to protect privacy.
In life, whenever the other half deliberately looks through our phones and checks the call logs, we have a feeling of not being trusted and respected, and even if we are frank, we still can't help but be disgusted and angry.
Children feel the same way as we do. This kind of voyeurism on mobile phones, diaries and lives is not only easy to stimulate parent-child conflicts and trigger children's rebellion, but also easy to plant a low self-esteem thunder in children's lives, so that they can allow others to trample on their bottom line when they grow up.
Finally, do not interfere with the child's choice in the name of understanding, and try to respect the child's feelings.
Recently, a phrase "love can reach the long years" has spread all over the Internet.
It seems human nature to do what you like tirelessly, and to yawn at something you hate. Love is probably the easiest thing to boost a person's happiness.
In the movie "Out of My World", Billy, the miner's son, has a hobby that is very incompatible with his life - dancing ballet.
His hobbies were opposed by his whole family, and he was caught up in the dilemma of family and ideals.
Fortunately, he eventually impressed his father with his perseverance, won the respect and support of his family, and became the chief of Swan Lake many years later, realizing his dream.
What we think of as bad and biased is not a reason to interfere with a child's interests.
Whether it is a hobby or a love, as a parent, of course, you can give your opinion, but in the end, you should give your child the greatest respect in your choice after explaining everything.
4
Write at the end
Children do not come to earth to make marionettes, and we do not come to earth to pull the thread on the child's body.
We can indeed help children to prevent themselves, and we can help children make rational and optimal choices, but we cannot help children live and help them feel their joys and sorrows.
Perhaps, for children, respect is the love they need most.
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