Yang Dai's only daughter Qian Yan: Both marriages are not happy, childless and childless, but she is a competent mother

As a child, Qian Yu

Died of lung cancer at the age of 59, white-haired people sent brunettes, had two marriages but never became pregnant, if you would evaluate such a life? Regret or unwillingness? Complaining or resentful?

But she said that she had lived her whole life in "loving" and "being loved.".

She is Xiao Yuan in "The Two of Us", Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai's only daughter Qian Zhen.

Qian's father, Qian Zhongshu, and his mother, Yang Dai, were both titan figures in China's modern cultural history.

Compared with her parents, Qian's life can be described as "ordinary", but she has also done her job steadily and conscientiously, and has achieved impressive achievements in the field she is engaged in.

Qian Yao graduated from Beijing Normal University, in her eyes, her father Qian Zhongshu is not a great and respectable person, just a teacher, so Qian Zhen has also been inspired to become a people's teacher since she was a child.

Money Bell Book

Qian Began teaching English in 1966, and was sent to Lancaster University in the United Kingdom to study English and linguistics in 1978, and returned to China in 1980. He was promoted to professor after 6 years. At this time, Qian Yu was also in his early 40s, and he was very young in the team of professors.

Later, in 1993, he was hired as a doctoral supervisor of English Language and Literature in the Department of Foreign Languages.

But her greatest contribution was also the fact that she wrote the "Practical English Stylistics", which is still regarded as a classic by English undergraduates, which she invented a set of methods suitable for Chinese to learn English.

Eight years after Qian's death, her former students also returned to Beijing Normal University to donate 1 million Hong Kong dollars and set up the "Qianyi Education Fund".

As a teacher, Qian's work can be said to be impeccable.

Qian Yu is so excellent, this must be inseparable from Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai's education of her, right?

In fact, Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai never taught Qian Zhen, but Qian Zhen was "teaching" Qian Zhongshu.

Qian Zhongshu, Yang Dai, Qian Zhen

Qian Yan's health has not been very good since she was a child, it can be said that she is frail and sickly, and she often takes a break from school, this situation lasts for a long time, her middle school is barely three semesters, and more than half of the time is not in study.

In the face of this situation, if the average parent has the ability to have time, he will make up lessons for his children, and those who do not have the ability and no time will definitely find another teacher to tutor their children.

But Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai did not do this, and they did not teach Qian Yu or ask for a teacher, so they let Qian Zhen learn by herself.

Qian's Russian language has not been taught for several semesters, and she relied on 4 months of self-study at home, and she actually got the first place.

It is not that Qian Zhen is particularly clever, but that Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai are "educated" well.

Qian Yu

On the issue of children's education, Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai's views are the same, "teaching by example is greater than words.". They also never made any rules for Qian Yao to restrain and discipline Qian Yu.

Children learn by imitating their parents' behavior, and the focus is not on what the parents say to the child, but on how the parents themselves do it.

Verbally telling children to study well, turning their heads and going out to play cards until midnight before coming back, children who grow up in such a family will not love learning.

Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai have two good habits, one is to love to read, and the other is to have a plan.

Yang Chen

According to Yang Dai, when she and Qian Zhongshu studied in France, Qian Zhongshu taught himself English, French, German and Italian through reading.

This is not because Qian Zhongshu is motivated by any utilitarian considerations, he just loves to read books, loves books as fate, and reading books can see that he has forgotten to sleep and eat. The degree to which Yang Dai loves to read is not much worse than qian Zhongshu.

So when they were at home, the two of them were almost unable to release the scroll. Xiao Qianyi naturally looks in his eyes and is hungry in his heart. What parents hold all day is naturally a good thing. Therefore, Qian Yu has had a strong interest in books since she was a child, and from the time when she was still illiterate, she soaked in a pile of books taller than her.

By the time Qian Yu was eleven years old, she had already read several famous Chinese and foreign masterpieces, which can be said to be "reading and waiting".

Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai also like to make goals and plans, and Qian Zhen also followed suit, she could make a reading plan at a very young age, and after going to school, she made up her mind to become a teacher like her father.

Qian Yu often came back from school and gave lessons to her father in a similar way, explaining to his father what she had learned in school.

Before she was admitted to normal university, she already had many years of "teaching experience" at home.

If Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai have taught Qian Zhen anything, it is probably "love".

Qian Yu can be said to have bubbled up in the love of Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai.

The best love a parent can have for his or her child is the love he gives to his partner.

The harmony and warmth of husband and wife will make children feel at home. If the relationship between husband and wife is not harmonious, no matter how good it is for the child, the child will also feel that this is just an escape from the parents for their unhappy marriage.

Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai can be said to be a model couple, a god and immortal couple.

Qian Zhongshu, Yang Chen

Qian Zhongshu once publicly praised Yang Dai as "the most virtuous wife and the most talented woman."

Yang Dai is also a childlike spoiler for Qian Zhongshu.

Qian Zhongshu is notoriously unable to do housework and is clumsy.

When Yang Dai had just given birth to Qian Zhen and was still confinement, the family's household chores needed Qian Zhongshu to handle, but every time Qian Zhongshu came to the hospital to see Yang Chen, it brought "bad news".

Breaking the hot water bottle today, spilling ink on the sheet tomorrow, net help, but Yang Dai never blamed him, but comforted him that it didn't matter, and when she was discharged, she would deal with it.

The two of them have been together for most of their lives, and they have hardly quarreled.

And Qian Zhen can also be regarded as the earliest "only child" in the mainland, and unlike the later one-child policy, Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai decided to have only one, which was completely out of love.

The original combination of Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai was very "casual".

Qian Zhongshu said" "I am not engaged", Yang Dai replied "I don't have a boyfriend either", the two people are together, just like this for a lifetime.

But when it comes to treating children, the two men are surprisingly serious.

After Qian Zhen was born, Qian Zhongshu seriously said to Yang Dai, if we have another child, it is better than Ah Yan, we like this child more, we don't like Ah Yan anymore, then Ah Zhen is not too pitiful?

Therefore, in order to prevent this kind of situation where parents are partial to one child, Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai decided that as long as Qian Zhen has this child, she will no longer have children.

Therefore, Qian Yu gave this love to more people in the future, to students, to colleagues, and to her lover.

There are many good teachers in the classroom, but in the twenty years since their deaths, there are still few students, colleagues, and stepsons who have published articles in the journal to commemorate them. Qian Yu is one.

However, parents have a lot of love for Qian, but the world has too little love for Qian.

Qian Yu has experienced two marriages, neither of which is very happy.

Qian Yi's first husband was named Wang Deyi, and like Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai, Qian Yi and Wang Deyi were also lovers when they were students.

They studied together at Beijing Normal University, belonged to the school art team, both of them have the talent for painting, and they also have their own personal opinions on painting works of art.

As soon as they came and went, the friendship between the two people was "sublimated".

Qian Yu (left)

It is said that Yang Dai is also very satisfied with this son-in-law and likes it very much. Qian Yu and Wang De went back to their parents' house for dinner when they had time.

Yang Dai also shaved his head for this son-in-law.

But such happy and warm days did not last long. Wang Deyi chose to end his life on the heating pipe. At that time, he and Qian Yu had only been married for less than a year, and they did not have time to leave heirs.

Qian Yu was gently widowed at such a young age and did not remarry until the age of 37.

Speaking of Qian's second husband, Yang Weicheng, it is also an "unexpected gain". Qian Yu had originally planned to live alone like this all the time.

Yang Weicheng is Qian's "giveaway" to help others.

It turned out that Qian Yu had once helped an old lady Tang Yun who was punished for sweeping the street. After the two became acquainted, Mrs. Tang learned that Qian Yu had been widowed for more than ten years, so she wanted to match her and her son so that qian Yi's such a good girl could be her daughter-in-law.

Originally, Qian Yu did not have this plan, but she was embarrassed and had to agree to meet with the old lady's son. Unexpectedly, it turned out to be Yang Weicheng, a famous construction equipment expert on the mainland and a master's degree from Columbia University.

It turned out that the old lady was the lover of Yang Kuanlin, a famous structural engineer on the mainland.

Like Qian Yan, Yang Weicheng is also married for the second time, but he also has a son and a daughter, and his son is already 18 years old, and he is still more than ten years older than Qian Zhen.

Common sense, Yang Weicheng is not a good remarriage partner, his age is still secondary, mainly because the age of the child is too old.

Stepmothers are the worst, especially stepmothers for older children. Unlike stepfathers, stepmothers are meant to spend time with their children day and night. If the child does not accept it, then the stepmother will be very embarrassed in this family.

But Qian Yu was still impressed by Yang Weicheng and formed a new family with him.

Qian Yu also understands that her stepmother is not good, so she has done a lot of homework in order to be able to enter the hearts of the two children.

Perhaps because of the inheritance of Qian Zhongshu, Qian Yu is very capable of doing everything, but she is not good at doing housework, especially not good at cooking.

To grasp a child's heart, first grab his stomach. Therefore, Qian Yu would go to buy snacks such as lamb skewers, beef pies, etc. for her stepsons every Saturday to relieve their hunger, and sometimes she would take them out to eat Western-style snacks.

At that time, buying things was not as convenient as it is now, and Qian Yu often needed to work several buses in order to buy these snacks, and it was late to return home.

Not only eating, Qian Yu also worked hard to find common topics with her children.

Qian Yu herself usually does not like to watch TV, but in order to have a chat with her children, she will also deliberately find a TV newspaper, first understand the general plot of a popular TV series, just to go home at night and have a topic with the child to talk about.

Qian Yao's efforts, the two children are also in the eyes and remembered. After a period of getting along and getting acquainted, Qian Yu and the two children got along like their own children.

Therefore, after Qian Yao's death, the stepdaughter Yang Min and the stepson Yang Hongjian specially wrote a book "Our Qian Zhen" to remember her and remember the happy time that the four of them spent together for more than twenty years.

The book "Our Money"

In the eyes of the two children, Qian Yu is like a "big friend" and "not a mother is better than a mother".

Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai gave Qian Zhen many good qualities, but also let her develop a "bad habit", that is, work too seriously and responsibly.

Since she was a child, Qian Yu's health has been bad, and when she grows up, she is also constantly suffering from various small problems. Coupled with the fact that she often worked all night, her body collapsed in the long run.

In fact, Qian Yan's body had sent a signal to her for help long ago, but she ignored it, and dragged it until she didn't even have the strength to get out of bed, and it was really impossible to ignore the condition of her body, so Qian Yan had to go to the hospital for examination.

The results of the examination made Yang Dai silent, and Qian Yu had lung cancer. At that time, Qian Zhongshu's health was not good, and he was hospitalized in another hospital, in order not to affect Qian Zhongshu's condition, Yang Dai did not tell him the bad news, of course, did not tell Qian Zhen himself.

Her own body, she knew best, although Yang Dai did not tell Qian Yan what disease she had and how her condition was, Qian Zhen herself could guess seven or eight points. She knew that her life would soon be over, and that this was not a disease that could be cured well.

So she told her mother Yang Dai not to bring her food again, Yang Dai is also old, running back and forth in two hospitals every day to take care of two patients, too tired.

Yang Dai, however, knew that at this time, she was the top pillar of the family, if she was hard to support, she had to force herself to take care of two patients, not a long-term solution, and the result was likely to be that all three of them were ill. So Yang Dai had to communicate with her daughter by phone every day.

Perhaps because she knew that she would soon die, Qian Yan did not listen to the doctor's instructions.

The doctor told her to rest well, she had to move her job to the hospital, continue to grade her homework and papers, and instead of that, as long as she felt that her condition had improved slightly, she would be discharged from the hospital and continue to go back to class, and she could not let the students wait for her all the time.

Colleagues and students came to see her and advised her to take a break and not to be too tired, but she said: "This is to pay off the debt, the promised thing, the debt is not good." ”

Now that she was destined to leave this world, she could not reverse this fact. Then to go, you can't go with regrets.

After Qian Yi's death, Qian Zhongshu suddenly learned of this news, which was a huge blow to Qian Zhongshu, who was seriously ill. What could be more heartbreaking than a white-haired man sending a brunette?

A year later, Qian Zhongshu died in pain and sad torture.

The original "we both" were left with only Yang Dai.

Before his death, Qian Yu once said, "People are very great, and heaven is in the heart."

One thought of heaven, one thought of hell. What kind of attitude to treat life, life will be like.

Qian Yan's life may not be long enough, but it is not short, there are regrets, but there are no regrets. Looking back on Qian Yu's nearly 60 years of life, there are ups and downs, but it is undoubtedly happy.

Qian Yu's happiness does not lie in how much love her parents and lovers and the people around her give her, but in the love she gives to others.

Life is not about length, it's about breadth. Qian Yu has left, but more than twenty years later, her relatives, friends, and student colleagues still miss her immensely and are warmed by her love.

For them, Qian Yu is no longer there, but he is everywhere.