01
These days I am watching Mr. Yang Dai's "The Two of Us".
The book was originally planned to be written by a family of three — Qian Zhong wrote about his wife and daughter, Yang Dai wrote about her husband and daughter, and Qian Zhen wrote about her parents.
If it can be completed as planned, "The Two of Us" should be presented to the reader as a warm and elegant picture of the literati.
We can feel this from several drafts written by Qian Yan in the appendix at the end of the book.
This is a very pure family of cultural people, as Yang Dai said: "Our family is very simple, and the three of us are very simple." We have no quarrel with the world, no quarrel with others, but only to get together, to stay together, and to do what we can. ”
Among the three, the daughter Qian Yu actually died early, and when she died, she was still a month or two away from the age of 60. More than a year later, Qian Zhongshu also died of illness.
Before the book was completed, people died first, and "we both" jointly wrote to depict a happy family, and it also became "I miss the two of us alone".
02
We all know that Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai are both cultural giants in terms of learning, and in life, they are an enviable pair of fairy companions.
And they all have a high lifespan, Qian Zhongshu lived 88 years old, and Yang Dai lived 105 years old.
If there are regrets in life, I am afraid that it is the early death of my daughter.
White-haired people send black-haired people, and the pain of the world is nothing more than this.
It can be imagined that when the happy family of three is left with only Yang Dai's lonely person, when she recalls more than 60 years of bits and pieces, her heart floods and the pen end reveals, it is inevitable that there will be a kind of bone-eating coldness and loneliness.
Therefore, when I read the book, I always had an idea: what would it be like if Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu had two more children.
03
As for why Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai only gave birth to Qian Zhen, a child, was mentioned in the book.
Shortly after Yang Dai became pregnant, Qian Zhongshu made it clear: "I don't want a son, I want a daughter — as long as one, like yours." ”
A passage from Yang Chen's "Book of Remembering Qian Zhong and the Siege of the City" is more direct: "He said to me very seriously: 'If we have another child, maybe better than Ah Yuan (Qian Yuan), we will like that child, then how can we be worthy of Ah Yuan?'" ’”
Some people believe that Qian Zhongshu's understanding is influenced by the original family, Qian Zhongshu is the eldest son in the family, and Qian Zhongshu prefers the younger son.
At this point, Yang Dai also had a lot of criticism, writing in the book: "Daddy's favorite is not Zhong Shu, but the youngest son." Wuxi township proverb 'the world's grandfather cares for children', Zhong Shu is the eldest son, and he often blames more than he loves the eldest son. ”
Qian Zhongshu's father wrote a family letter, "The letter is always written to the younger son, and every letter will praise him for 'running the family and serving the mother'." Since Zhong Shu returned to Shanghai, in addition to 'running the family and serving the mother', the word 'supporting brother' has been added. Why does Zhong Shu need his brother's 'help'! ”
Later, Yang Dai also directly pointed out: "My mother-in-law's most painful thing is the little child and daughter."
In "Remembering the Money Zhong Shu and the Siege of the City", Yang Dai also mentioned that "the grandfather always disliked the eldest son, and Zhong Shu was also an unpopular grandson."
The "eldest son" in it is Qian Zhongshu's uncle, who was passed on to his uncle when he was young.
Such a "tradition" as the old Qian family may have influenced Qian Zhongshu and Yang Dai's concept of parenting.
Of course, Qian Zhongshu Yang Dai's academic level does not have to be said, but in life, to tell the truth, it is not smart.
In fact, whether to love or not to love children, whether emotions are exclusive or shared, lies in the parents' concepts, not in how many children have been born.
How to treat children is something that you can say for yourself.
Because of their poor experience, I am worried that my daughter will go her own way, so I only need one, which is a little naïve and cute.
04
Of course, we don't have to explore the specific reason why they only have one, and I would like to discuss whether they can live happier in their later years if they have more children.
If nothing else, Qian Zhongshu was hospitalized in the summer of 1994, Qian Zhen was hospitalized in the winter of 1995, when Yang Dai was more than 80 years old, one was a husband, the other was a daughter, what a heart exhaustion!
If there are younger siblings under Qian Yao, who were only in their early 50s or even 50s at the time, it is the most energetic time, obviously able to help their mother share some pressure, but also to give more comfort to relatives emotionally.
And when the daughter and husband have passed away, if there are other children to accompany, Yang Dai does not have to bear the heavy blow of life alone, and the next life also has more sustenance and dependence.
I have more concerns about the world.
Only partners and children are the closest relatives in the world, and affection cannot be replaced by anything in the world.
When we walk through thousands of mountains and rivers to see the prosperity of the world, we will find that in fact, the center of the world is nothing more than "the two of us", or "our family".
I don't know whether Mr. Yang Dai quietly recalled his life in his apartment in his later years and whether he reflected on his original decision, anyway, as her reader, I always feel a little regret in my heart.
Pearl Whisper, from the dual perspective of teachers and parents to look at education, to answer the educational confusion of adolescents and parents.