Strong and powerful, mutual achievement
Source | Xiaobei (ID: kuwoxiaobei)
Two days ago, I brushed up on a blogger online, and she shared with everyone the secret of her marriage stability.
After marriage, she once asked her husband why he chose herself as a partner.
My husband replied, "To be honest, you are beautiful, in good shape, in good character, and at that time you had just got a master's degree from a prestigious university, and I felt that I would not find a better girl than you." ”
The blogger himself also admitted that he also chose to marry him after considering his husband's good economic conditions and being very tolerant of himself.
And their so-called "weighing the pros and cons" after the marriage, but it is unexpectedly smooth and happy.
In fact, I sometimes see some private messages in the background, as well as the mate selection of young girls around me, and find that many people think too much about "the choice after weighing the pros and cons".
Indeed, everyone wants to love a person as much as when they were students, just for the sake of one eye.
But when making a commitment to accompany the other person for life, people who do not consider the reality factor are not only impulsive, naïve, and even irresponsible.
The underlying logic of marital stability is "supply and demand balance."
That's what Fu Seoul said,
"The essence of marriage is mutual need, and the reason why we are not separated is because we constantly need each other."
When I shared this point with a friend who had been single for a long time, she retorted to me:
"It's too unromantic for you to say that."
Indeed, a mature view of marriage should be somewhere between 100% romanticism and 100% realism, and on the basis of mutual attraction, rationally consider the value that each other brings to themselves.
Whether it is physical value, emotional value, economic value or reproductive value.
The essence of this "trade-off" is risk assessment.
You could say it's pragmatism, but isn't that adding a layer of self-discipline to the relationship.
Of course, I can also understand that this statement may be a bit "disappointing" for people who are supreme in love.
We always hope that the other party will stay by our side, it is willing, not forced by helplessness, nor is it bound by practical factors and dare not leave.
But in fact, when you lower the emotional proportion of marriage when it is established, you will reap a more comfortable married life.
Because mature people know too much about people's fickleness and understand that life is very long, they do not overestimate others or themselves, and they will have a more relaxed attitude when running marriages.
Without perfect expectations, you will be more tolerant, more willing to give in, and easier to walk side by side.
The high divorce rate in contemporary times is largely due to the fact that two people did not reach equilibrium at the beginning, or the equilibrium state changed.
The economic situation of one party suddenly changes greatly, or as one party grows older, the appearance and age value of one party gradually fades, and so on.
Balance is not eternal, it is constantly flowing. A good marriage manager is also constantly trying to bridge the gap between himself and his partner.
Even if it is impossible to achieve complete balance, the strong know how to show weakness, and the weak try to become stronger, which is the key to maintaining the stability of the marriage.
So, even if you are married to love, don't forget to make yourself a better person.
As the saying goes, "Heartbeat is instinct, loyalty is choice." ”
The choice to be able to go forever must be a strong combination.
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Author: Xiao Bei, founder of (Kuwoxiaobei) All the Way north culture media Co., Ltd., a well-known emotional anchor. Best-selling author, author of "This Fickle World Rarely Has You", "Meet Every You with a Story", and has a public account that accompanies you to say goodnight at 9:09 every night. I want to cure every lonely patient with sound and words. It's good that you're here. WeChat public number: Xiaobei (kuwoxiaobei) Weibo @ Xiaobei loves to eat meat. Jiang, who has a story, published it with authorization, please contact the original author for reprinting.