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The famous psychologist Wu Zhihong wrote in her best-selling book: "What is maternal love? The child cries, the mother knows that he is thirsty, feeds him with water to drink, at this moment, the mother's love is transmitted through the bottle, and the bottle becomes the transitional object... This happens countless times, quantitative changes cause qualitative changes, and one day the child suddenly realizes that maternal love is an intangible substance. ”
"If the cumulative effect of maternal love is not enough, this realization does not occur, and even if maternal love is scarce, it will lead to the result that the child is very attached to tangible and qualitative maternal love."
What is tangible and qualitative maternal love? It is the child's material needs, and the child thinks that "love" is equivalent to "material".
When children have such attachments, they either use various means to force their parents to meet their material pursuits, or they use various means to obtain money to meet their material needs.
The Collective "Aid to Diplomatic Relations" of Young Girls in Shanghai is a typical example.
The "collective assistance" of Shanghai girls is a manifestation of children's lack of love
Searching on the Internet can find details of "Shanghai Girls Collective Aid", which shocked the world at that time.
Among these girls, the youngest is 14 years old, and the oldest is only 18 years old, but through various ways and means, they take the initiative to sell themselves to obtain pocket money.
These girls have no shame in the face of this matter, and after they obtain pocket money through this way, they also recommend it to classmates and friends, and then there is a sensational "collective aid" incident.
These girls are all from secondary schools, vocational schools, technical schools, and ordinary high school students.
They have a common feature, that is, "lack of love".
The origins and family background of these girls
Among these girls, one of the children is divorced and has not been taken care of and guided for a long time, one child is adopted and rarely paid attention to in life, and four children are mothers who are "foreign daughters-in-law", the mother is not welcomed, the child does not get normal maternal love, and three children are long-term insults or doting.
Parents rarely pay attention to the real needs of the child's heart, verbal abuse of the child, or long-term neglect, so that the child lacks love and companionship for a long time, the child can not truly realize that "maternal love is intangible and insubstantial", they will misunderstand that love is "material", when it cannot be satisfied, it will satisfy itself through various methods.
Doting children, the same will not get enough love, real love is able to pay attention to the child's psychology, can be promoted from the material to the soul level, if the parents blindly from the material aspect of the child, let the child fall into it, as the child gradually grows up, the parents' requirements for the child to improve, but because there is no growth, the parents' doting will turn into disgust and disgust.
The spoiled child does not actually receive true love and satisfaction.
Mothers give their daughters more companionship and hugs
I have seen a girl with a rejecting personality, and every time her mother picks her up at kindergarten, she is cold-faced, and the relationship between mother and daughter seems very distant.
The daughter does not ask her mother for a hug, and the mother will not take the initiative to hold the daughter.
When waiting for the baby to finish school, the mother will also complain to the parents about the daughter, the longer the stranger, the temper is very large, very aggressive.
Later, after the teacher communicated with her, he pointed out the problems in her body and asked her to try to have more physical contact with her daughter and hug her daughter more, and the relationship between mother and daughter was alleviated to a certain extent.
In fact, the mother's love for her daughter is to help her daughter "cross the robbery", if the mother will love, know how to express their love, the child can fully understand the "true meaning of love", this love can make them feel full and happy.
This kind of fulfillment and happiness is beyond the material aspect, children will not because they do not get one thing to determine that their parents do not love themselves, under the guidance of their parents, they can objectively look at material needs, can objectively control their desires, can objectively choose material needs.
Such children are mentally and physically healthy, know how to protect themselves, and certainly will not do ridiculous things, and absurd things will make them feel afraid and ashamed.
But if the child cannot get "maternal and paternal love" from the parents, and the heart cannot get satisfaction and fullness, the material becomes the "object of love", and as the child grows up day by day, when they cannot be satisfied, once someone introduces or has some opportunity, they will obtain material satisfaction by selling themselves.
Mothers spend more time with their daughters, and there is only good for their daughters and there is no harm.
Raising children is also a practice of your own
When children grow up, it is not only the children who are constantly changing, but also the parents.
Not everyone knows how to be a parent, in the process of raising children and guiding children, in fact, it is the process of playing games with children, how to do it can be most helpful to children, how to guide is the most suitable for children, are parents in the growth of children groping out.
As parents, we must constantly adjust our attitude, constantly adjust our methods, follow the development process of children, parents are changing, children are progressing, this is the most ideal state of education for children.