A psychiatrist friend of mine told such a story.
There was a girl who locked herself in the bathroom and had words in her mouth.
When her family found out, they sent her to a friend's office for psychological counseling. And the girl curled up in the corner, shivering, talking to herself, completely ignoring the people outside.
Through patient guidance, the friend broke the girl's psychological defense line and let her say the words in her heart: I hate her!
Who is she?
The friend asked patiently.
The girl used all her strength and roared to say the following sentence: I hate her! Hate my mom!
When she finished, the girl burst into tears.
The word "mother" is the most beautiful word in the world, and when people pronounce it, they will unconsciously raise the corners of their mouths. In this girl's heart, "Mother" is a person who makes people afraid and unwilling to mention.
But in fact, from the girl's self-report, the mother is not an inhumane violent person, on the contrary, the mother loves her very much. It's just that, a lot of times, the mother hurts the child without knowing it.
There are many children who, when they grow up, are not close to their mothers. Even when we get along, there will be some verbal attacks. This hurts the mother, why does the child who holds it in the palm of his hand grow up but does not love his mother?
This is because, sometimes maternal love can really hurt people. For example, the following are the following.
One: There are no principles
I have such a mother by my side who loves her child without principle.
When the child was young, he was too naughty and often spat at people passing by. Most people think this is a child, so they don't care. There are also a few young people who can't stand it and tell their mothers that they should discipline their children well.
Mother not only does not feel wrong, but also pushes the responsibility to passers-by, he is a small child, what do you think with him, besides, watching him spit on you, you don't react faster, who is he spitting on?
Mother's short-term behavior made everyone angry enough. People just say, you are used to it, see what kind of children you raise.
More than a decade later, this little boy grew up in his mother's unprincipled love. He was grumpy, shouting at his parents when he didn't agree, and even moved.
It is said that he later made a group of friends outside the country, and in order to eat, drink and have fun, he stole his parents' life savings and squandered them.
Mom washed her face with tears every day and made ends meet by picking up garbage.
Why did the child get to this point? It doesn't come from unprincipled maternal love!
Unprincipled coddling seems to love children, but in fact, it harms children. Because children form wrong values, they accidentally embark on the wrong path, and make mistakes again and again until they ruin their lives.
Two: Do everything
Loving children is a mother's nature.
Many times, parents love their children too much, so they are reluctant to let their children suffer a little. Housework never let the child interfere, and she is like a nanny, dressing the child, putting on shoes, arranging school bags, and packing things.
The child is like a little emperor, all day long will only say, Mom, where did my exam paper go? Mom, go get my slippers off. Mom, I'm going to eat apples, wash one for me.
When children habitually reach out, they will develop the habit of laziness and lose the opportunity to grow independently. When he enters the society in the future, he will only passively accept it, but does not know how to take the initiative to pay.
Such a child will not be popular. And he will experience a strong sense of frustration, which will lead to a sense of inferiority.
Moreover, after leaving their parents, children who are not able to take care of themselves enough cannot take good care of themselves. In the end, it is he who suffers the loss.
We can't accompany a child throughout his life, and when he leaves the family and goes out and wanders, he relies on himself.
Therefore, we must cultivate his independence and self-care ability before he leaves. In this way, he will be able to adapt quickly to the environment in the future and take care of himself.
Three: Self-touching
There are many parents, in order to let their children know that it is not easy for their parents, often tell their children, I am reluctant to eat, reluctant to wear is for you. I work so hard, scolded by the boss and have to go to work, all because of you.
After the child heard it, he nodded his head sensibly and desperately, saying that he would definitely listen to his parents' words and would never provoke his parents to be angry.
But in fact, whether to eat or not to eat, whether to wear or not to wear is our own choice. Why do you have to make your child grateful to Dade?
This kind of self-touching love will trigger a sense of guilt in the child. Let the child enjoy the material at the same time, but also feel guilty inside. It's all because of him, so my parents have such a hard time.
He will feel that he should not do this, and even feel that he should not appear. In this way, parents will have a better and happier life.
Such a child will be very painful in his heart, and even when he grows up, he will have resentment towards his parents. They will slowly become taken for granted from sensible.
Since you gave birth to me, you should pay for me in this way.
Only when the child thinks this way will he alleviate his guilt. Over time, they truly become selfish people.
The above 3 kinds of love are harm, not love. This kind of love will make the child miserable, and it will hurt the parents themselves in the future.
Hopefully, none of us will be such parents.
【Picture from the Internet, invasion and deletion】