He Suohuan, a writer of sexual affective psychology, writes love stories, interesting strangers, and material knowledge.
What is social?
The "connection" established between people through various ways and channels is socialization.
Including: emotional social, utilitarian social.
In all human relationships, it can actually be "layered".
-01
Everyone's circle, there are "three, six, nine, etc."
First layer: parents, family, siblings
Your parents, lovers, children, siblings, these are the innermost and first circles.
This circle is the most important thing for us, and it is the goal we strive for all our lives.
I hope that through my own efforts, I can make my family live a good life and give my family more companionship and affection.
The second layer: partners with whom you have interests
Such a person should be called a "partner".
Like what:
The two of you do business together, open a company, open a factory, one pays money, the other gives capacity; This combination can often make your relationship longer.
There is a saying that goes like this:
"There are no eternal friends, but there are eternal interests."
As long as there is a stake, the relationship between you and your partner is difficult to end easily.
Level 3: Make friends
The other party is your confidant and your confidante; It is your soul mate, and it is also a person with similar views and similar interests to you.
What is the most important thing to get along with such a friend?
It's a sense of proportion.
You will not talk about profit, you will not talk about money easily, but you will maintain reason and restraint.
Such friends can be said to be our "sustenance of inner emotions".
He understands you, understands you, and is able to listen to you; Likewise, you will be able to provide him with the best emotional comfort.
This kind of relationship is not available in the family.
The fourth layer: ordinary friendship
For example, colleagues around you, classmates, and some friends who occasionally have contact.
With these people, you can do the most basic social etiquette, and you will also maintain some contact and contact.
However, it is difficult for them to walk into your third circle.
Fifth layer: nodding to each other
Drinking friends, or some familiar but unrelated people, these are people in our outermost circle.
These make up the people in our circle of life.
The circle itself exists "three, six, nine, etc.".
Your attitude towards your family will certainly not be the same as those who "nod their heads".
These differences are essentially different in their relationship, feelings, and interests.
-02
What is the essence of networking?
Whether it's networking or socializing, it's essentially all about value exchange.
First: you have money
"Poor people ask in busy cities, and rich people have distant relatives deep in the mountains."
In the current social environment, money is everything, and most people are "refined egoistic utilitarians".
As long as they can get more benefits for themselves, they can give up many things, including feelings or dignity.
How do you have connections?
The answer is: you have enough money.
Rich people will always play with rich people;
People who have no money, even if you want to make it, it is difficult to integrate into the circle of rich people.
Just like in the drama "Thirty Only", Gu Jia squeezed his scalp and finally squeezed into the circle of the rich wife.
But when it comes to taking pictures, she is still the most marginal, neglected person.
The C position will always belong to someone stronger than you.
That's the nature of socializing.
Just like every time you go back to your hometown, rich people are "relatives and neighbors" at home;
People who have no money, there is simply no one who wants to say a word to you.
Second: you are useful
If you want to network, you must have these two conditions.
You either have money or are useful (capable).
This is "especially evident" in small cities.
For example:
In small cities, if you have a teacher, doctor, civil servant, career editor, even a plumber at home, there are more relatives and neighbors who come to trouble you at this time.
Why? Because you have the ability.
At this time, you are the "network" in everyone's eyes.
Empathy: What does it take for you to have the same network and some connections that can help you?
You need to have the abilities they need.
If you understand this, you will also understand the true meaning of socializing.
-03
How can I improve my "social attractiveness"?
In opposite-sex relationships, a person's attraction is called "charm".
In social networking, it is called "social charm".
Including: material conditions, abilities, temperament, charisma.
First: Don't be afraid to show yourself
Even if you are excellent and have many advantages, but you are a "social phobia", how can others know your advantages?
Just like when you were a student, you were afraid to raise your hand to speak, which teacher knew that you had learned?
Only by learning to express yourself at the right time and show your strengths can you "manage your positive image" in social networking. ”
If you have a "don't care" mentality in everything, cowering, looking ahead, always running away.
At all times, you are persona non grata.
Second: interesting, capable, emotionally valuable, always have a little
All three abilities can increase your social popularity.
What is interesting?
Humorous, positive, can bring laughter to everyone; With you in the place, everyone is happy and will not be cold.
Without you, everyone became silent and missed you tacitly.
What is a capability?
Your presence can bring some value to most people around you and attract people who are "stronger than you".
What is emotional value?
You are positive, positive, and have a high emotional value.
Simply put: high emotional intelligence, strong empathy ability, everyone loves to chat with you.
Today's Topic:
What do you think is the essence of socializing?
(Article with picture source network)