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"When people live on the same level and others have better things, higher rights, and better lives than themselves, people will unconsciously suspect that their social status is lower than others, and they will feel extremely anxious because of it." This passage comes from the famous American writer Alain de Botton.
These few words clearly break the common phenomenon of modern society, and the topic of self-confidence is also the most frequently discussed topic between people.
In modern society, the impetuous environment makes many people's mentality change from self-confidence to inferiority, and thus derives various anxiety disorders, such as appearance anxiety, body anxiety, academic anxiety and so on.
However, from another perspective, these things that cause anxiety in individuals are also a process for people to show off. Personality, which arises from an individual's own sense of superiority, is what psychologists call a "narcissistic personality." ”
As early as 2015, Craig Malkin, a professor at Harvard Medical School and an expert in clinical psychology, pointed out that human beings are born with the trait of narcissism, and everyone thinks that they are perfect and unique, which is not an individual problem, but a universal problem facing all mankind.
People with a "narcissistic personality" like to show their superiority over others in front of the public. And those who really have the ability to be different from ordinary people do not need to show off their advantages by showing off, and they do not need the background of ordinary people to show their advantages.
It is those who are half-hanged that need to show their differences and reflect their advantages through the comparison with ordinary people and the praise of others.
Most of these people are no different from ordinary people, and there are not many differences with others, but such people often deliberately cover up their shortcomings, shape their image into perfection, use such means to deceive themselves, deceive others, and disguise themselves as high-level people, rather than really becoming high-level people.
Malkin calls this category "Narcissistic personality disorder."
In other words, such people are usually not very capable of their own, but they are very perfect in their own personality, and strive to establish a tall image in the hearts of others, and make a lot of ostentatious behaviors to show their "superiority".
But in fact, the really high-level people will not be able to show off their strengths, the more they like to show off, like to show their strengths, often the lower the level. Narcissism is inevitable, but it must be measured.
Living in society and properly displaying one's strengths is indeed conducive to one's own development. Especially in the workplace, only by fully displaying your own advantages can you reflect your value and be likely to be favored by your superiors.
If you're still cowering when it's time to show yourself, there's a good chance that what you want will pass you by.
Psychologists point out that really high-level people will never show off the following three things, only fools will go around talking nonsense, often the lower the level of people, the more love to say three things, it is best to keep a distance.
First, networking
In modern society, networking has become a resource, so many people think that the more people they know, the better, but there is a misunderstanding in this view, not that the more people they know, the better, but the more useful people they know, the better. Only those who are really helpful to themselves are worth spending time managing and maintaining.
When a person brazenly promotes his or her interpersonal relationships, it will only cause dissatisfaction among others, which will directly cause the collapse of interpersonal relationships. You know, many people who you don't know can become your connections.
Moreover, sociologists point out that if a person's ability is not strong enough, his ostentatious connections will only end up harming himself.
Second, status
Do not easily show off your status with others, which has been pointed out by literati since ancient times. As the saying goes, the gun hits the head bird, and the more you show off your status to others, the easier it is to become cannon fodder under other people's guns.
Even if you really have a good position, you should not always emphasize your status and pose as superior in your interactions. Truly good leaders will lead their employees to maximize their interests with practical actions, rather than talking with their mouths.
Third, superior life
With the development of society and the progress of the economy, the living environment of many people has become very superior. They either live a rich life through their own efforts or by taking advantage of their parents' light, while at the same time, people's vanity will continue to spread.
People will subconsciously group themselves into a certain group through comparison, and when this behavior is out of balance, meaningless comparison will appear, excessively publicizing their superior living conditions and showing off their lives to everyone.
This 100% will cause dissatisfaction among others, and even cause jealousy of some people. When you succeed in causing most people to be jealous, the end result is that your own interests are damaged.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205