There is no fixed answer to whether a cheating marriage should be divorced or whether it is worth forgiving. In the midst of it, everyone's demands are different. It's okay to choose divorce or forgiveness, but adults should be able to carry it clearly, no matter how you choose, don't be a cheap person.
01 In a cheating marriage, if you choose to divorce, you can negotiate the conditions, and it will be neat
My colleague Liu Yue divorced last year, and it is said that it only took a month from the discovery of her husband's cheating to the completion of the divorce. Everyone is in the same office, but judging from the state, before and after her divorce, she only looked a little irritable for a few days, and then it was the same as before.
Liu Yue is a Xi'an girl with a hearty personality and good conditions in her in-law's family. After marriage, she has a good personality and a sweet mouth, and she coaxes her in-laws to be happy, and her in-laws dote on her very much. Because they live in the same community, the children are brought by their in-laws, and the meals are also on the side of the elderly, and the two of them live a nourishing and chic life.
Liu Yue works as an editor in the company's content department, with a general income, but her husband can earn it, her in-laws are spoiled, and she lives a nourishing and chic life every day. In the words of her husband, she is the best person in the family. Except for your work and dressing up, you don't have to do anything, you don't have to worry about anything. In fact, it is.
Liu Yue has been married for seven years and is already 35 years old, but she still looks like 27 or 8. The girls in the office, whether married or not, envy her. The company went to Chengdu for team building, and in Taikoo Li's 30,000 bags, Liu Yue said to buy it, without blinking his eyes.
Liu Yue was born in an ordinary family, and it actually takes some luck to meet such a marriage. But with such a happy and lucky marriage, Liu Yue did not escape the seven-year itch in the end, and her husband cheated. It is said that the woman outside is a sales assistant in her husband's company, who has just graduated from college and is very beautiful.
Later, in just a month, Liu Yue divorced, divided a set of 130 square meters of three bedrooms, a car, and a deposit of 1.68 million, and the daughter and husband raised together. A woman who has been held in the palm of her hand since she got married, until her husband cheated, it was only more than a month from the discovery to the divorce, she was neat, not entangled, and not dragged her feet.
During the whole process, there was only a few days of depression, and then it was back to its original appearance. Many people looked at Liu Yue, who had just divorced and was fine, and everyone was a little incredible. It wasn't until a year later that Liu Yue said his psychological state at that time.
She described the seven-year marriage as like soaking in a honey pot. Liu Yue said that after she knew about the incident at that time, her brain was confused, and she also cried, troubled, and vented to her husband. Her husband also apologized to her and promised that there would be no future. Her in-laws apologized to her, saying that she didn't educate her son well, but for the sake of the child, she hoped that Liu Yue would forgive.
Her husband also said that because he drank too much during the business discussion, he never thought about what happened to the girl in the future, and the other party promised not to disturb their lives. Although no matter how fanciful the reason is, it can't hide the fact that her husband cheated, but to give up her seven-year marriage, Liu Yue also hesitated.
Liu Yue said that in the past few days, she was home alone, and she didn't sleep well at night, and her mind thought for a while, I have to get a divorce, I can't accept him cheating, abusive, and ambiguous ways, making me a laughing stock in the eyes of everyone, rather than holding a broken umbrella, it is better to get drenched in the rain.
But after a while, another thought in her mind will remind her that if she gives up this marriage, the child will bear the brunt of the damage, and there is no man in this world who can love his daughter at any cost like a father. If I give up such a comfortable and stable marriage, will I still be able to encounter the same marriage in the future?
Divorce and forgiveness kept fighting in her head, and she was crying at home, painful and sad, but she couldn't choose. But what should be faced still has to be faced, and evasion will not solve the problem after all. finally decided to divorce because Liu Yue was very clear and clear about his cognition of himself.
She knows that she has passed this hurdle after all, even if she chooses to forgive and not divorce, whenever she encounters something in the future, she will definitely bring up the old things again, and she will use this matter to fight back against her husband. At that time, she felt wronged in this matter, and her husband felt very tired, and eventually his heart would be cold and his feelings would be weak.
What she doesn't want to see is that her husband thinks that since she chose to forgive at the beginning, now she has reversed her word and repeatedly takes care of herself for these things, and then she will be defined as a cheap woman, and her commitment and character will be considered worthless. That's what she doesn't want to see more than a divorce.
was also so painful, and after a few days of suffering, Liu Yue decided to divorce. After her husband and in-laws apologized and retained to no avail, they began to apply for divorce. The deposit, house, and car are all going well, but there are disagreements on the custody of the daughter.
In terms of economic conditions and the care of children, Liu Yue is not as good as her husband, but the man is at fault, once Liu Yue mentions these things, it will not have a good impact on everyone, and finally the two reached an agreement to raise together. The child is still taken care of by his grandparents, and Liu Yue is only in one community, so it will not have much impact on the child's life.
Liu Yue, who is now single, still lives a beautiful and chic life. She can now talk about the divorce, which means that she has let go. Maybe people are like this, they may not be able to live the way they want to be, but they can keep working towards what they want to become.
Time never stops for anyone, happiness is a day, and sadness is also a day. In any relationship, you have to think clearly about what you want, and since you have chosen, you must be able to afford it and let it go. Don't regret it, don't turn over old accounts, don't make yourself a cheap person.
02 If you want to reunite with the broken mirror, but you dislike the cracks in it, you can only be cocooned and bound by yourself
is also cheating, on Zhihu, I have seen such a story. Men and women are college couples, and graduation season becomes their breakup season. After 6 years, the man and the woman met again, and the woman was married, had children and divorced. The man is still single, and he has had a relationship over the years, but he has never found someone who can enter into marriage.
After the two met, the former love came back to the two of them again, and they felt that going around and around each other was the right person. In the case of a woman's children, the man can accept alimony, but not live with them. For this reason, the woman compromised and found her ex-husband to change the custody agreement and send the child to her ex-husband to raise them.
Without the estrangement of children, they walked together again and got married not long after. But this marriage is far from the sweet happiness they imagined. In married life, once there is a disagreement between the two, the man will talk about the fact that the woman has a marriage history and has given birth to children, and the words are that he is not married and married a second-hand goods.
At the beginning, the man apologized, saying that he was in a hurry, and he didn't mean to look down on women, and he chose to marry her, and he wanted to marry her. Now that she has apologized, what is the woman saying. After experiencing a failed marriage, she also cherishes it when she and the man she loved at the beginning enter marriage again.
Many times, in the disagreement between the two, she will try to compromise, just like the man said, the other party is not married, she is married, she has children, it seems to be a little unfair to the man.
In the last marriage, she would lose her temper and quarrel because her ex-husband didn't do housework, complain about her ex-husband coming home late, and don't speak for several days because her ex-husband secretly gave his mother pocket money. But now, in this marriage, even if she encounters something more serious than these, she doesn't have the courage to say it.
In the current marriage, it is clear that both of them are working, and it is not bad for a man to come back, she buys vegetables and cooks after work, does housework, and is filial to her in-laws' red envelopes that are bigger than her parents.
Until I received a call from my husband's colleague, a colleague party, and the man drank too much and asked her to pick up someone. When she entered the KTV, the man and the female colleague held hands and sang love songs intimately. Seeing this, the surrounding colleagues hurriedly stepped forward to pull the two away, but the man glanced at her and said, "It's okay, what am I, she's second-hand."
The woman picked up the glass, splashed it on the man's face, and then turned away. Although the man is drunk and not sober, there are times when he is drunk and he says the truth! She drove the car and walked on the road, but her mind was full of what the man used to say about her previous marriage.
Only then did the woman realize that in this marriage, she had lived herself as a cheap person. Any goodness, compromise, and forbearance are taken for granted by the other party, because of their previous marriage, compensation and indebtedness to men.
From the beginning, there was no reciprocal respect and responsibility to each other, and at this time, less than a year after she remarried, she made herself a humble and cheap existence. Later, the man woke up, but he was still the same rhetoric, he drank too much and was not sober, and he didn't mean to look down on her.
In less than a year of her wedding, she couldn't remember how many times she had heard it. In the end, it is conceivable that this marriage of first love and true love still ended in failure, and it was even more failed than the first time. In the first marriage, there were quarrels and cold wars, but the ex-husband never spoke ill of each other.
In this divorce, she can say as ugly as the man is, she looked at the man's face, but she couldn't coincide with her college lover. However, compared with the resentment of the previous marriage, she felt that she was to blame for the failure of this marriage, and she was not to blame, but she was blamed for living a cheap life.
Why is there someone in this world who can manipulate you at will? It's because he is sure that you won't resist. Your forbearance, your giving, even if you take it for granted in their eyes, even your people are worthless bargains. Maybe there will be such an evil side in human nature.
03 Conclusion
It is difficult for a person to love only one person for a lifetime, it is rare to be lucky to meet it, and it is the norm not to meet it. When faced with a failed wedding, it is okay to divorce or choose to forgive. After all, everyone's situation is different, and their demands are different, so there is no wrong choice of how to choose.
However, since you have chosen, you have to admit it. Don't make a choice, but you are not reconciled, turn over old accounts, entangle again and again, and consume yourself, then you will only be looked down upon by others and live as worthless and cheap. It's ugly, it's really not good-looking.