I did it myself
When the lunch whistle blows, all the workers sit together and eat. Every day Jim would open the lunch bucket and start complaining, "Today is peanut butter and jelly sandwich again." ”
He complained about peanut butter and jelly every time, every day.
One of the people in the working group finally said, "Jim, if you hate peanut butter and jelly so much, don't ask your wife to make it for you?" “
Sam replied, "I did it myself. ”
For happiness, the way people perceive the world is more important than the objective environment.
I know many people who seem to have everything, whose dreams have come true, but are still miserable; while some people have very little, go through difficulties again and again, and never stop celebrating their lives. There are also people who have it all and are grateful for it all.
Happiness does not depend on our situation or the amount of money in our bank accounts, but on what we choose to focus on, because our feelings are determined by external and internal circumstances together, and how to interpret them is the most important.
We often complain about life, we think things are terrible and terrible, without realizing that our beliefs make us nag every day because we focus only on the wrong aspects.
Of course, this doesn't mean there aren't an objective bad situation, it's just that you can't always stare at the bad situation.
Two attitudes to life
There are two types of people in a variety of ways, such as how to cognitively reconstruct, strengthen, and create reality, namely positive (optimistic) and negative.
Negative people only focus on things that are not going well, focusing on various problems in life, including their own problems, work problems, and interpersonal problems. They always have things to complain about.
The negative, the name comes from Thoreau's book, the negative can find flaws even in heaven, and the extremely negative will always experience resignation and feel helpless.
Why?
Because they really believe that the bad reality really exists, not dominated by their own ideas, without realizing that it is they who created this reality.
They began to believe that no matter what kind of job they were looking for, there was always a bad boss; that no matter who they were partnering with, they were terrible; no matter what restaurant they went to, the service was always terrible.
They always eat the same peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and it's still their own making, and they succumb to reality and firmly choose a path they don't like.
Instead, the positive (optimist) focuses on the successful things, on the bright side of life, on finding a glimmer of white light in the clouds, and finding miracles in the ordinary.
The difference between positives and negatives is that positive people understand that the world will not go their way, but we can reverse bad things, things will get better, it may take a while to see the light, it may take a while to forget the humiliation and pain and disappointment, but all bad things will pass.
Reality is the key point
We don't advocate focusing only on the positive, we advocate focusing on reality, reality contains both good and bad things, the key is to focus on both.
William said: "Although the factors of reality are very fixed, we still have a certain freedom to deal with them." In terms of feelings, although we can't control them, which one do we pay attention to in our conclusions? Which one to focus on? After all, it has to be decided by our personal interests. “
"The truth of the result can be completely different; the facts are the same, and our views may be different. Similarly, the universe is like this, with optimists seeing victory and pessimists seeing defeat. What we say about reality depends on how we give it a picture in our hearts."
David, the author of "Passionate Marriage", talked about the tests in marriage and mentioned that the marriage relationship is not always harmonious, there are often quarrels, tribulations, crises, and differences.
Like Hegel's law of negation, it tends to develop better because of these difficulties.
He said there is no other way, learn to fail or learn in failure, and that maintaining a long-term relationship must rely on this method, it must have ups and downs.
We should not give up every crisis that arises in the relationship, some relationships can and should be ended, but most crises can be resolved and need to be handled.
The reason for the lack of optimists
The main reason why there are so few optimists is that we think optimism is unrealistic.
Who makes us think optimists are unrealistic?
Mostly the media.
What do we see in the media?
Hatred, bloodshed, unhappiness, terrorism.
If someone says ,I'm an optimist, I think the world is a good place.'
What the? Is your brain not normal? You are unrealistic, you are blindly optimistic, you look at the terrible things that are happening in this world, how can you be optimistic in such a world? How positive are you? Where does happiness begin?
For the most part, life is short, cruel, and pathetic. In the modern world, this pessimism is more realistic than optimism.
It is true that the media has focused a lot of attention on negative news, but this is not all bad. Because in civil society, one of the functions of the media is to make the wrong behavior that should be corrected public, to encourage people, to act, to change, to make the world a better place.
But we need to realize that when the media reports are not based on facts, they emphasize certain aspects of the incident separately, so media bias is involved.
In addition to the media, there is another reason why we, ignoring the good things, focusing on the bad things, we adapt to the things we take for granted, the unusual things that drive us, the things that attract us, are abnormal, not the norm.
Because there are many good things in the world, good things are so common, we get used to it, and we never see good things again. Bad things, on the other hand, are anomalies that always attract our attention.
Because nature has made us like this, we are the detectors of change, and when there is a change, our minds are immediately focused on the change, and something different happens, whether we see or hear.
Academic Society Inspiring
To be a positive optimist, we first need to learn to be grateful.
From the English dictionary, the meaning of "appreciate" is to value its value, to identify with the best side of the people around us or in the world, to affirm the advantages and potentials of the past and present, to appreciate the things that give life, health, vitality and merit to living things.
The first meaning of appreciate is gratitude, which is a good act, but it's not just a good act.
Appreciate the second meaning of value-added, economic appreciation, the appreciation of money in the bank.
This meaning is important because when we appreciate good things, good things add value, when we appreciate good things in life, when we appreciate the kindness of others, when you appreciate the greatness of this country, good things increase.
Vice versa, when we don't understand appreciation, whether it's ourselves, our country, or our romance, good things depreciate.
An idea is like a seed.
What if we don't water it and don't let the sun shine on it?
This seed will wither and die, and unfortunately, much of human potential is snuffed out in this way.
But if we want it to grow, if we want it to blossom, we have to let the sun shine on it and water it.