Text\Zhao Caimeow
A few days ago, I saw a question on the Internet: What is the best state of a woman's life?
Some people say that it is to have a healthy body; Others say that it is to have a look that will never age.
There is a message from a netizen, which is deeply touching:
"I don't know about other women, but I know that life like my mom must be in a bad situation. Every day at home, she either complains that she is not happy, or she is anxious about accidents. She is now extremely emotionally unstable, which leads to a very depressing atmosphere in the home, and we are afraid that doing something will make her angry. ”
is also a woman, some people live like a breeze, and while living lightly, they also bring refreshment to others; Some people live in a haze, and while they are living a mess, they also bring shadows to others.
I think of this sentence:
"Your current life may not be what you want, but it is definitely your own."
Some women think that if they are not doing well, fate treats her unfairly, but they don't know that all fates are traceable.
There is a causal relationship between a woman's life and happiness: women who have a hard life often have these three bad habits.
01 Looking up at others is a whirlpool of pain
Teacher Tu Lei once said:
"A lot of times we're not being ourselves, we're imitating others; It's not about living your own life, it's about envying someone else's life. ”
Happiness is that the more you compare, the cheaper it is; Life is all about comparison, the worse it gets.
Jian Qingfen in the hit drama "We Are Not Kind Enough" is a very contradictory person.
She "tricked" to snatch He Ruizhi from Rebecca, but after marrying He Ruizhi, she found that she didn't want this kind of life.
Is Jian Qingfen unhappy after getting married?
With a car and a house, a smart son, and an emotionally stable and caring husband, from a secular point of view, Jian Qingfen lives happily.
But the daily family chores slowly exhausted her enthusiasm for marriage and the joy of life.
She has to take care of her husband's food and clothing every day, her paralyzed mother-in-law, and the occasional mischievous child, such a day is like a pool of stagnant water, so dull that there is no vitality.
Over time, Jian Qingfen gradually got tired of this kind of life.
And what about the former rival in love, and now the imaginary enemy Rebecca?
The state of life displayed on social platforms is what Jian Qingfen envies:
There is no car loan, no mortgage, no family trivial interference, and you can still fall in love with "Little Fresh Meat" when you reach 40.
Jian Qingfen looked at the man she had worked so hard to snatch back then, but now he has become silent, ignoring himself, and his heart is extremely depressed, and then looking at the house full of messes and noisy children, thinking back to Rebecca's free life, she regrets it to the extreme.
She thought to herself that if I hadn't robbed this man in the first place, I wouldn't have had to live the bad life I have now, and I would have lived as chic as Rebecca.
Slowly, Jian Qingfen chose to cheat in order to get rid of the "boring" life in her eyes.
Jian Qingfen wants to break out of the track of normal life and live as chic and free as Rebecca.
But when she shattered the peace of the family with her own hands for the so-called "freedom", she suddenly discovered that Rebecca, who seemed to do whatever she wanted, was actually seriously ill and alone.
Only then did she realize that the life she had longed for in Rebecca was nothing more than a fantasy, and her ordinary daily life had become a light that others could not touch.
I once read a sentence:
"Don't look up to others blindly, and don't dwarf yourself easily."
In real life, how many people stand in happiness and look up to others.
envy other people's children for being excellent everywhere, and their own children are too mediocre;
envy other people's husbands who are always considerate, and their own husbands are too wooden;
I envy others for their freedom of life, and my own life is boring and boring.
In short, seeing others are glamorous and happy, and seeing yourself as a chicken feather makes me feel tormented.
However, always looking up to others will not only consume yourself, but also be disoriented.
Imperfection is the normal state of life.
If you get love, you may not get money; If you get money, you may not be happy; Happiness does not necessarily lead to health.
A truly intelligent woman will not always look up to others and fall into pain, but can always remain content and happy, and grasp the present life.
You must know that happiness is not to look up to others, not to dwarf yourself, and to live your life well.
02 Refusal to change is a precursor to suffering
I heard an interesting saying:
"There are thousands of ways to live, it can be like this or that, but it's not what you think."
I think so.
In the long journey of life, there are too many things that backfire and are unpredictable.
We can't control life, but we can change our state of mind, accept the unknown, and allow everything to be as it is.
Writer Li Xiaoyi once shared such an experience.
She used to be anxious about small things.
For example, if she needs to speak at a meeting tomorrow, she will be so anxious that she can't sleep well the night before, thinking about everything, for fear that tomorrow she will be nervous and her mind will suddenly go blank and she can't speak.
If she was going on a business trip, from the moment she received the notice, she had already begun to anticipate all kinds of problems on the road, and she was worried.
Even if you write a manuscript, you think about it again and again before you start writing, for fear that you won't be able to write well, and you can't write a word for half a day.
Often, before something happens, anxiety has already taken precedence.
But she slowly discovered that the series of things she had worried about before had not happened, and nothing could easily crush her.
Whether it was a problem at work, a bad marriage, or the death of relatives and friends around her, it seemed to her at that time that the sky was about to fall.
But when the real thing comes, there is always a way to deal with it, and things are not as bad as imagined.
She realized that all her anxiety actually came from her own preconceived notions.
So, when faced with things that made her unpredictable, she was no longer nervous, but faced them with a calm attitude, so that she could find a solution to the problem and take the matter from her life.
A lot of things happen when they happen, and no matter how anxious and sorry you feel about it, it won't help.
The result of allowing everything to happen is that you can have the courage to face the next changes whether you want to or not, and take the initiative in your own hands in life, so that you can truly become a strong person in life.
Everyone's life has unpredictable changes and unacceptable suffering.
But there is no hurdle that cannot be overcome, there is no difficulty that cannot be overcome, anxiety in advance will not increase the difficulty of things, and it will also affect the mood of the moment.
As Hayao Miyazaki said:
"What has happened in the past, but if there is one less, it will not make you who you are today."
How do you know that the current changes are not a test given to you by God?
Since it cannot be changed, it is better to bravely face every "trap" given by life, accept that everything happens naturally, let flowers become flowers, let trees become trees, and let change become the energy that nourishes growth.
The strength of a woman is not confrontation, but allowing and accepting, accepting the accidents in life, accepting that every story in life has a different ending, meeting all possibilities in life, and achieving her future self.
03 Being overly entangled in small things is the poison of life
I recently met my cousin Lily, and I was amazed by her state.
In my memory, she has always been beautiful and vivid, and now fatigue has crawled all over her face.
After careful questioning, I learned that she was often angry about trivial matters in life.
For example, last weekend, they made an appointment to go out to play together, but the car ran out of gas halfway through, so she and her children had to wait for her husband to fill up the gas before setting off under the exposure of the sun;
When he arrived at the destination, his husband gave the child a lot of fried food, which caused the child to have a sudden acute gastroenteritis.
She felt that her husband didn't pay attention to this family at all, so she immediately burst into a rage, and when she saw her husband, she got angry and didn't play well all day.
Usually her husband makes her upset, even if the child doesn't let her worry.
The child either breaks the bowl after eating, forgets to put his shoes straight, or puts too much water in the cooking......
It's obviously some small things in life, but in Lily's eyes, it's like a big thing when the sky falls, and it's a big fuss at home.
Sometimes, even if nothing happens, as long as her husband and children do something to make her unhappy, she will roar like a bomb, making the family's life very uneasy.
In fact, there are many people like Lily in life, their lives seem to be installed with "negative buttons", once someone or something touches this switch, it can easily mess up her life.
But if you calm down and think about it, it's not a big deal to make your life a mess, it's the negative mindset that really stings your nerves that comes from your unreconciled negative mindset.
If you know how to look at things differently, you will find something different.
Tsuneko Nakamura used her own personal experience to write this book "The World Is Worth It", inspiring countless women who are struggling in difficult situations.
Hengzi grew up in a poor family, and finally completed his studies, and after graduation, he encountered the problem of finding a job.
Later, after her job was stable, she married a doctor, and she thought that a happy married life would start from there, but she didn't expect that her doctor husband was an alcoholic.
He used all the money in his family to drink and entertain guests, and he was drunk every day, and everything in the family was left behind.
As a result, all the burdens of the family were on Hengzi alone.
Hengzi has also had internal friction and pain, but she found that too much entanglement could not solve her current predicament.
Slowly, she no longer dwelled too much on things, but focused on her own development, and the whole person became much more relaxed.
In fact, a person's life state is completely a reflection of his mentality.
What kind of mentality you choose to live will give you what kind of life you can get.
As Yang Jiang said:
"Life is half the stars and the sea, half firewood, rice, oil and salt. Put a little salt and it will be salty, put a little sugar and it will be sweet, put a little poetry, it will be far away in the eyes of others. It's up to you what you want to taste. ”
Yes, life is like an electrocardiogram, ups and downs are the norm, and what kind of life we choose is up to our hearts.
choose to cling to small things and dwell on the past, and you will eventually become a "prisoner" of life; Choose to pull out the "thorn" in your heart and face it optimistically, so that you can go further and further.
A woman with a good mentality, even if she is made difficult by life, can still live her style enthusiastically.
04. Mei Niang said
Epicod once said:
"Happiness does not depend on nature, but on human habits. Good habits not only make us glamorous, but also help us live happier lives. ”
Many things decay with age, and only good habits continue to nourish people's lives.
Develop the habit of not looking up to others, and you can live your own life;
Developing the habit of not refusing to change can cure the "stubborn diseases" of life.
Develop the habit of not being overly entangled, and you will be able to face the present calmly.
Good habits are the best "skin care products" in a woman's life.
Because a good-looking appearance is like a flash in the pan, but good habits can accompany you for a lifetime and keep people alive forever.
May every woman develop the habit of making herself "have a good life" and eventually have a good life.