#华裔##挪威##姐弟恋##公务员##分手#
This is the 4,183rd real story we have told
My name is Kalei, I am a post-90s Norwegian-Chinese, and I am currently an exchange student in China.
When I was fifteen years old, my divorced mother and I immigrated to Norway, and although I was overseas, my blood kept calling me to return to my homeland. By chance, I met my ex-boyfriend, who is three years younger than me, and he loves China very much. Later, I quit my stable job in Norway and came to Shanghai, China with him to realize our Chinese dream.
What is unthinkable is that after arriving in China, this three-year relationship did not come to fruition, and in my warm homeland, the cliff ended.
(I)
I was born in Guangdong, and I am a native of Guangzhou. My parents divorced when I was very young, and I don't remember why they divorced, I was only two years old when they divorced. After my parents divorced, I lived with my mother, and when my mother couldn't take care of me, she would follow my grandparents.
This semi-left-behind life lasted until I was 10 years old, when my grandparents died one after another. Without my grandparents, my aunt and aunt would take care of me when my mother was busy. Later, my mother went to Norway, and almost a year later, I went abroad with my mother.
I was 15 years old and in my third year of junior high school. I live a carefree and innocent life in China, and I have long been accustomed to my family handling all problems for me. But after arriving in Norway, my life of fighting monsters officially began.
Mom started a new family in Norway, my stepfather is Norwegian, and they had a daughter two years later, which is my sister. I'm 17 years older than her, and I like her very much. I got along with my stepfather like an uncle at a distant relative's house, strange and polite.
(Bathing under the waterfall)
During my adolescence, there was such a big change in my family, and I became inferior and cowardly in that strange environment. Because of the language barrier when I first arrived, I often went to and from school alone, and I didn't have a single friend, but I was eager to communicate and make like-minded friends.
Because my mom and I live in a relatively small city in Norway, there are no international schools there. When I arrived in Norway, I first studied with a Norwegian teacher, and then I went directly to a high school with a local child. Gradually, I mastered the Norwegian language.
Luckily, the teachers and classmates at the school were very friendly to me, they took good care of me and always gave me opportunities to show myself.
I found out that the math I studied in junior high school in China, they only learned it in high school, so I did well in science and not in liberal arts. A language is a culture, and for someone like me who doesn't know a lot of languages, it's too hard to learn their liberal arts.
(Traveling in Bali)
I remember one time, my teacher gave me the task of giving a lecture on "A Doll's House". A Doll's House is a very famous stage play in Norway, and my teacher wanted me to understand it deeply, give a speech in Norwegian, and analyze the ideas that the author wanted to express.
I stood nervously on the stage, knowing nothing about Norwegian culture and not speaking Norwegian very well at the time. I still remember that while I was speaking, several naughty students kept filming my videos and laughing at me.
I know I have a strong Chinese accent, and the content is definitely not good. At that moment, I felt like the whole time had stopped, the class had become so long, and my proud heart had become silent and inferior.
All of a sudden, I felt so lonely, I was an outlier here, a foreigner. It was so difficult to communicate with my classmates and friends, and I deeply realized that I couldn't fit in with them.
In our Chinese concept, everything is inferior, only reading is high. Well, without communication, I just focused on learning.
I held back my energy and threw myself into studying. Although my grades in the liberal arts were poor, my grades in the sciences were always good, and I was at the top every time. This can be regarded as a small comfort for me, and it gives my proud heart a home.
(Party at a friend's house)
Looking back now, that experience was a bit painful, but it also made me more aware of how important it is to respect and understand others.
Since then, I have been secretly determined to escape from that small city and go to a bigger city. Because in big cities, I will meet more well-informed people, and I can also meet more Chinese compatriots.
When it comes to dating, in fact, there is a clear difference between us Easterners and Easterners. In contrast, the Nordics are generally somewhat apathetic, and they are not as warm as us Chinese.
I still remember that when I took the initiative to make friends in Norway in the first year, I was very direct and went up and asked, "Hi, hello, what's my name?" Can we be friends? The response was, "You're so direct, I think you're a little rude." ”
At that time, I was stunned and very embarrassed, because in China, the next thing I usually say is "yes, yes, yes". At that time, in that small city, everyone was more xenophobic, and there was a sense of resistance to foreign cultures and people. They are more reserved and need to slowly build affection and trust. That's when I realized that this cultural difference is really big.
(Skiing with friends, skiing is Norway's national sport)
Alcohol is very important in Norwegian socialising, and drinking is an important part of Norwegian party culture, and it is generally believed that drinking alcohol has a positive effect on social interaction. Their children there generally started drinking at the age of fourteen or fifteen, and by the age of sixteen or seventeen, some young people would drink a lot if they didn't control it.
Although the national law stipulates that people under the age of 18 cannot buy alcohol, they always have a way to get it, and the family does not object. Some parents are even willing to buy alcohol for their children, thinking that it is better than their children buying alcohol from unknown sources outside.
I think the reason why Norwegians love to drink and party is probably because the weather is colder and the evenings are longer. Such weather and atmosphere have a great impact on people's emotions. During the long dark nights and cold weather, everyone is reluctant to go out, preferring to stay at home and party, and everyone will naturally have a few drinks together.
(Girls night party with Norwegian friends)
When it comes to cultural differences, in China, everyone eats together and then shares. But abroad, everyone orders their own and eats their own. It's not the same when you go to someone's house, if you are in China, you usually bring a lot of gifts, but abroad you are not expected to bring a lot of things. Of course, if it's a very formal invitation, they may bring some drinks or small gifts of their own.
Also, they have different attitudes towards gifts. In China, gift-giving and gift-receiving are very particular about courtesy. But abroad, they are not so attached to gifts, and they usually open them in person to show respect. In China, we may hide the gift and wait for the guest to leave.
During that time, I worked hard to learn about the local culture and adapt and integrate into their society little by little.
When the time came to finish high school, I was 19 years old. Because I'm going to college, leaving my mom and going to live alone in a big city, I'm so happy that I can do whatever I want.
(Eating hot pot with international students)
Sure enough, life at the university was not much different from what I expected, and I made many like-minded Chinese students, and many of them are still in touch. I felt like a fish had found water, finally returned and found organization.
During that time, I felt that I was having a good time, and I slowly opened my heart, and I became more and more cheerful. I also started to get in touch with fitness, travel, and more exploration of the world.
In addition to Chinese students, I also met a lot of local students at school, which made me feel that Norwegians are very sincere, and once I communicate with them a lot, they will accept you as a person and will be sincere to you. So, when dealing with Norwegians, you can't be intimidated by their cold appearance. It takes a little patience to get in touch with them, and it can be a bit slow.
Another thing is that Norwegians respect the needs of the heart and rarely compromise on everything. If they don't like the same thing, they will directly say that this is a bit different from the polite culture in China. It took me a while to get used to it.
(Traveling in Istanbul)
In college, I majored in architectural engineering, mainly in traffic engineering and urban construction. So my first job after graduation was as a civil servant.
In China, it may be difficult for foreigners to take the public examination, but in Norway there is a policy for foreigners. The government recruits civil servants every year with a certain percentage of foreigners because they want to ensure the diversity of the civil service.
They believe that there is a need for people of different backgrounds, different races, and different perspectives in the civil service. Generally, their civil service recruitment positions will be posted online, and then everyone will apply according to the type of job. Generally, the post review is not particularly strict, but some more politically sensitive positions may be screened more strictly.
My major was very much in line with their job requirements, so I was admitted after applying.
During work, I had a boyfriend, we were in a long-distance relationship, and he was in Italy at the time. After the job was stable, it was time for us to talk about marriage, but at that time, the epidemic came. In the end, our relationship did not withstand the devastation of the epidemic, and we finally broke up.
(Chubby Me and Skinny Me)
The city where I first worked was a completely new place for me, I was very new to it, and it was also a small city, so it was very difficult to find like-minded friends.
In the beginning, the pressure of work, all kinds of emotional anxiety, the life of three o'clock and one line every day, and excessive fitness caused me to suffer from anorexia.
Later, when I came home from work one day, I didn't know what to do, and my boyfriend wasn't around, so I comforted myself with food, and slowly I got binge eating disorder again. After eating every day, I went to induce vomiting, and I felt so lonely in this world.
For a long time, I also fell into body anxiety, repeatedly jumping in self-perception, and the smile on my face gradually decreased.
Speaking of which, mental health in Norway is highly valued, probably because the winters are particularly long and the nights are particularly long, which makes people prone to depression. Long-term lack of sunlight and vitamin D can really affect mood.
(Dinner with colleagues)
After three years of living like this, I realized that I couldn't go on like this, so I decided to end the relationship and move back to the city where I went to college to pursue a master's degree.
At the same time, I slowly became bold and regained my previous cheerful personality, and was more willing to try new things. Life is a cycle of denying yourself, re-accepting yourself, and making changes.
Every setback is a motivator to move forward, and at the same time, more self-love. During my time of recovery, I was exposed to different types of sports: snowboarding, rock climbing, Crossfit.
When I was in graduate school, I got to know my ex mentioned at the beginning of the article because I liked fitness. He is three years younger than me, and we belong to the sister-brother relationship. He has a strong desire to learn about China, and we have a lot of topics together, and we have become more frequent as we get acquainted.
(Traveling in Sicily, Italy)
I remember at that time, we were not boyfriend and girlfriend, and one night I was going to go to a friend's house who lived on the top of a hill relatively far away. We talked to him about it while we were talking. He said that he was very worried that night, so he said to me, "Call me when you come back, and I will take you home." I promised, "Okay." "Actually, I didn't take it too seriously, because after all, it's not boyfriend and girlfriend.
That night, I met up with my friends and talked a lot, and it was late to chat, and we didn't end until about 1 o'clock. I didn't have much hope at the time, and remembered his words and tentatively sent him a message: "Have you slept?" As a result, he replied in seconds: "I didn't sleep, I'm waiting for you!" ”
Then, I replied, "I'm over here, if you're tired, don't pick me up, I'll take a taxi home by myself." But if you come to pick me up, I'll be happy too. He replied, "I'll pick you up now, you wait!" ”
Sure enough, 20 minutes later he picked me up on his bike up the hill and took me home. At that moment, at the age of 28, I seemed to have found the feeling of pure love.
(First dive with a diving certificate)
Half a year after we met, he was going to work in Oslo, the capital of Norway, and when I left, I went to help him pack his luggage, and he confessed to me, and we became a couple of lovers.
Later days, we were in a long-distance relationship, usually seeing each other once every two weeks. In order to better manage this relationship and not repeat the mistake of the last broken love, I also decided to live in Oslo.
We got along very well together, he was sunny and talkative, spoke Chinese and always had an open attitude towards everything.
In the days we spent together, we worked out, traveled, climbed, climbed, studied food, and he also cooked Chinese food. The frequencies are similar, the interests are like, and everything seems to be beautiful.
We've been to Croatia together, eaten Italian food together, and got a diving license together. On my 30th birthday, he also made a cake himself and spent the day preparing dinner. Everything is the best in love.
We also bought a property together and renovated it to our mutual liking. I imagined being able to live happily ever after in our shared love nest with him.
(With friends in Shanghai)
During my time in Oslo, I worked and went to graduate school. After working from home for half a year, I found it too tiring, so I quit my job as a civil servant and moved to the private sector and found a new job in Oslo.
Luckily, I applied for a job at a Swedish company that is one of the best in the technology consulting industry in Norway. After joining the company, I continued to work and improve my academic qualifications.
When we were dating, both families knew about it. I remember the first year after the relationship was confirmed, that summer, he also took me to his house to meet his family, and I had a super happy summer vacation there. Parents on both sides were very supportive of us, and there was no opposition or obstruction.
From the beginning, I knew that his dream was to come to China, and when he received an offer from the company, I decided to come to China with my boyfriend.
At that time, I had only been working for my new company for a year before I applied to my boss for a leave of absence without pay. The owner was exceptional and agreed to my application. So, I still have that position for me, and I'll go back to work in August.
(Traveling in Greece)
At that time, I also thought about looking for a job in China, but it was difficult to find a suitable major in China, so I came to China as an exchange student.
After returning to China, I felt like I had come to a whole new world in Shanghai, and the challenges it brought to us were far beyond my imagination. I thought it would be nice to be back in my home country. On the contrary, China has changed so much in the past ten years, I am completely disconnected from domestic life, and I don't know how to solve many things.
Although I know Chinese, a lot of things are still new to me. For example, when we are looking for a house in Norway, we may think that it is convenient to ride a bicycle to the company in 5-10 minutes, but here, the commute is less than an hour.
I believe that many friends in Shanghai can empathize, if you live too close, it will cost a lot; Stayed a little further away and had a long commute.
In the past, I had a stable income and my friend Quan, and my life was quite nourishing. Now, I am a poor student who has to live on school loans, and I am really panicked.
(Celebrate Norway's National Day in Norway with friends)
Therefore, these seemingly insignificant little things are particularly important in an unfamiliar environment. I feel that my life has changed too much, and I feel a huge sense of disparity, and it is easy to put myself in the perspective of a victim and cannot adapt.
Even though I'm a student, I really want to work. I went to school and was surrounded by twenty-three or four-year-old children. It was a real shock to me. Although I can communicate with them and do homework, I always find it difficult to find people who are on the same frequency as me.
So during that time, I was very anxious, feeling that I had no income, while my friends were improving, and I myself seemed to be standing still, maybe even backwards. At that time, I wondered, are I not ready to come back to China?
Both of us are adapting and finding solace in each other.
But as a result, both of us were a little lost and anxious. Until the end, because it was not suitable, we regretted parting and blessed each other. I decided to go back to Norway to continue my life lessons, to experience life with everyone and continue to explore the world.
(Scenery of Norway)
This is the story between us, although sometimes there are small contradictions, but more often it is sweetness and happiness. I think meeting him is really one of the best things in my life.
Some people scatter as they walk; Some things change as you do them.
We often forget that we don't always have to expect others to understand us, and we don't have to care about other people's attitudes. Not everyone who has loved has to go to the end; Some people have loved, it is enough, some people have hugged, it is enough, and some people have met each other, it is enough.
Setbacks make us calm down again, think deeply, and re-understand ourselves. Everyone is there to accompany us on a journey of self-discovery. Every experience is about achieving a better version of yourself.
Relieving anxiety is the best filter, after all, life is all about living happily. For many years, I have lived in my own framework, and I care about the eyes of others.
But in fact, the greatest joy is your happiness, and the greatest sorrow is your sadness, so why care about other people's opinions? Laugh out loud, girls! Be brave and do what you want to do! Now I look forward to every day and meet new challenges and opportunities in the future.
(Welcome to follow the protagonist account "Charlie Leilei")
【口述:Kalei】
[Written by: Zhou Zhou]
[Editor: Wuxi Wu]
We can't experience different lives, but we can feel different life trajectories here, every photo here is a bit of life, every story is a real life, if you also like it, please click to follow! @真实人物采访
(*This article is based on the oral statements of the parties, and the authenticity is the responsibility of the oral narrator.) Friendly reminder from this account: Please identify the relevant risks by yourself, and do not blindly follow the trend to make impulsive decisions. ）