I swiped the video posted by a mother who accompanied her in junior high school, and she boiled herself into severe anxiety and moderate depression, taking medicine at home for a year, not going out much, and now she is getting better.
She said that she hopes to use her painful lesson to convince mothers who are in anxiety.
What happened
The mother said that after buying a school district house, her child entered a key junior high school in Shenyang, and she began to accompany her to study.
The child is very obedient, but no matter how hard the child works, his grades are in the middle. She just wants that as a qualified parent, she must not let her child lose at the starting line, nor can she hold her child back.
So she focuses all her energy on her children's studies, and when she comes back from school in the evening, no matter how late it is, she will watch her children study, even until twelve o'clock. On weekends, I accompany my child to make up for classes, and I often look at some tips to improve my grades, but my child's grades are still average.
And there is a parent group in each subject of the key middle school, turn on the mobile phone, it is a subject group chat, I am in anxiety and panic every day, afraid that parents will send some test results, afraid that the teacher will call her, saying that the child's learning has declined, and the child needs to do something.
Whether it is a holiday or a winter or summer vacation, I have to face some scheduling of various make-up classes, as well as exchanging learning experiences with some parents, how to improve children's grades, and then I need to find some better teachers to make up lessons for my children, etc.
The annual make-up class investment for three years of junior high school is 10W, and the three-year investment is 30W.
The mother is very anxious, anxious about the future of her child, anxious about whether she can be admitted to a good high school in the high school entrance examination? So I got a severe anxiety disorder.
Twice I was pulled away by 120, my chest was tight and I couldn't breathe, then my heart was beating, my whole body was trembling and numb, I didn't have a little strength, I could only lie there, and then my vision was blurry and my hearing was reduced.
The doctor asked her how she felt. She burst into tears.
So when the doctor saw her state, he made a preliminary judgment that it should be depression or anxiety. Then I did some more tests for her, read the physical examination report, and finally severe anxiety and moderate depression. Then I prescribed some Chinese and Western medicines to take home.
Coupled with later exercise, fitness, listening to music, etc., he was basically cured in two years.
The mother said that looking back now, she can't imagine how she survived. I would like to tell mothers from my own experience that they should not be too sharp about their children's learning, because the characteristics of each child are different.
The reasons for the depression and anxiety of the mothers accompanying the students in key middle schools are thought-provoking
1. Excessive psychological pressure: Key middle schools are usually highly competitive, and children's academic performance and future development may bring great psychological pressure to mothers. Mothers may be overly worried about their children's academic performance and college prospects, and this long-term high-stress state can easily lead to psychological problems.
For example, the mother above has a parent group in every subject of the school, and the teacher sends the results, and when she sees that the child's grades are not as good as other children, she is anxious, worried that the child will not be admitted to high school, and so on.
2. Loss of self: During the accompanying period, mothers may devote all their energy and time to their children, ignoring their own needs, interests and personal development, resulting in a reduced sense of self-worth, loss and confusion.
3. Social isolation: In order to accompany the study, mothers may reduce social activities with the outside world, reduce contact with friends and colleagues, lack social support and channels for emotional communication, and easily feel lonely and helpless.
4. Financial burden: The cost of living in the area where the key middle school is located may be high, and the additional cost of accompanying the school may cause a certain burden on the family's finances, and the mother is anxious about this.
For example, the mother above, not to mention other expenses for three years, only the make-up fee is 30 W, the child studies averagely, how can the mother not be anxious?
5. Imbalance in family relationships: Excessive attention to children's learning may lead to tension in the relationship between husband and wife, parent-child relationship, and conflicts and conflicts within the family will also increase psychological pressure.
6. Expecting too much from her child: If a mother expects too much from her child and the child fails to meet expectations, there may be intense feelings of frustration and disappointment.
Everyone's situation is different, and the specific reasons can vary from person to person.
Accompanying students can have both positive and negative effects on a child's learning and growth
Positive Impact:
1. Provide a better learning environment: Parents can create a quiet, comfortable and orderly learning environment for their children, reduce interference from the outside world, and help children focus on learning.
2. Give timely help and guidance in learning: Parents can understand their children's learning situation in a more timely manner, guide their children to solve problems encountered in learning, and improve learning efficiency.
3. Strengthen children's psychological safety: Children will feel at ease when they know that their parents are there to support and accompany them, which is beneficial to alleviate learning pressure and anxiety.
4. Develop good study habits: Parents can supervise their children's study habits, such as completing homework on time and arranging time reasonably.
5. Strengthen parent-child communication and relationship: During the study period, parents and children spend more time together, have more opportunities to communicate, and enhance mutual understanding and trust.
Negative effects:
1. Children may become dependent: Excessive companionship and help may cause children to lack the ability to learn and solve problems independently, and gradually develop the habit of relying on their parents.
2. Increase children's psychological pressure: Children may feel that their parents' efforts are a huge expectation, resulting in a psychological burden that affects their learning status and mental health.
3. Restricting children's social and independent development: Excessive parental involvement may reduce children's opportunities to get along with classmates and handle interpersonal relationships independently, which is not conducive to the cultivation of children's social communication and independent living skills.
4. Affect the family economy: Accompanying the family may lead to a decrease in the income of one member of the family and increase financial pressure.
5. Cause parent-child conflicts: Getting along with each other for a long time may cause conflicts and conflicts due to trivial matters in study or life, which will affect the parent-child relationship.
In short, the effect of accompanying reading varies from person to person, and the key is that parents should grasp the degree well, and while giving support and companionship, they should also pay attention to cultivating children's autonomy and independence.
Personally, I don't agree with being a full-time accompanying mother, because when you focus all your energy on your child's life and learning, your child's grades cannot meet your expectations, and then you will inevitably be anxious and have psychological problems.
While paying, mothers should also learn to leave some space for themselves to maintain financial independence, social activity and self-fulfillment. In this way, we can accompany our children through the road of growth with a healthier and more peaceful attitude.
Do you approve of being a full-time companion mother?
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