Regarding cold violence, we have to face the reality, which is sometimes quite cruel. Let me ask you a question first, who taught men the trick of cold violence?
In fact, many times it is their other half who teaches.
Maybe you're reading this article right now, and you might be indignant and say, "I didn't teach him that!" ”
Why do I say it's my partner's teaching? The reason is simple. In men's logic, they are naturally a bit of an avoidant personality, and they need "cave" time.
Why did they do that? Probably because they're afraid of trouble. When they are in trouble, their first instinct is to run away.
But women don't think so. Women will think that if you are gone, you will be sad if you don't pay attention to me, and then treat this as cold violence. The man thinks that I am urgently avoiding danger, but the woman thinks that you are cold and violent to me.
Why did you teach him cold violence? Because when men first started, they didn't really want to be cold and violent, they just wanted to escape some trouble. For example, I got dizzy from the noise, and I had to hide.
But then he figured out the rule, every time you are a little cold to you and ignore it, you will not be able to stand it. or cry so much that you are very sad; Or take the initiative to reconcile with me.
There are even times when I make some excessive demands, and you don't agree to it at first, but as soon as I snub you, you will always compromise in the end.
He found that this trick really worked, and it was simply tried and tested. In the future, whenever something goes wrong, he will use this trick against you.
Why? Because you give in every time. No matter what your mood is, as long as he is upset and acts a little cold and violent towards you, you can't stand it.
Again, your reaction is equal to his purpose. Cold violence is a means for him to pinch you.
After all, this cold violence is actually something you are "used to", because you make him think this trick is very effective, understand?
So, girls, what should you do in such a cold and violent situation?
Don't worry, I'll give you a tip. If you want to solve the problem fundamentally, the key is to correct his evasive personality.
How? Let me introduce you to a formula: express feelings + give space + review.
Step 1: Express your feelings
No matter what state he is in now, you have to tell him how uncomfortable you are when he is so cold and violent to you. Whether it is sadness, pain, or tears, you have to say it.
For example, you could edit a text message: "I know you may find it annoying, but every time you ignore me, I feel so lost and feel ignored." "That's it, express your feelings.
Step 2: Give each other some space
What does that mean? It's that when he is cold and violent, he may be "urgently avoiding danger" and looking for fun. And you may feel left out and hurt. But at this time, can't you have some fun too?
Why do you think he's coldly violent? Maybe it's because you've defined his behavior as cold violence. You think that he avoids you because he doesn't pay attention to you, but in fact, his avoidance does not mean that he doesn't pay attention to you. Just like just because I walk away during a live stream doesn't mean I don't value you.
So, you have to look at this behavior separately from your definition. Give yourself and each other some space, and do what you want. Didn't you have time to finish the drama you didn't finish?
Step 3: Review
What is a review? It's about communicating effectively. Because the reasons for each of your quarrels or conflicts may be different, I can't give a specific answer, I can only give an example.
For example, if you have a quarrel over something at home, you can review it when your emotions have stabilized, such as before going to bed. Just talk about what happened that day, how you felt, and give each other a sense of security.
It's like "Actually, I said that sentence because of what I thought in my heart", when there is no emotion, untie the knot in my heart.
Then he will feel that next time he may not have to run away. In this way, a virtuous circle is formed between you.
If you want to have a deeper understanding of men's psychology, you can find our course "Interpreting Men's Hearts" to learn. After you understand the male psychology, I believe that you will get along more harmoniously.
Finally, I would like to say that your value is not determined by others, but by yourself.
No matter how he treats you, you have to be gentle with yourself. On the stage of life, you are the protagonist, your shine, do not be dimmed by the attitude of others. #头条创作挑战赛#