Text | The wind stops at night
Original · Plagiarism must be investigated
For too many middle-aged couples, most of them are calm on the surface, but in fact, they are all hidden waves!
So much so that the marriage of some middle-aged people seems to have been indestructible for more than ten or twenty years and has stored too much warmth, but in fact, it has already leaked everywhere!
Perhaps, some people think that except for betrayal, everything is a small problem!
However, for middle-aged couples, the more "insignificant" the issue, the more it can set off a crisis in marriage, which cannot be ignored!
Once some problems exist and have existed for a long time, couples may want to think deeply about whether to consider divorce and start their lives again.
The twisted melon is not sweet, and the marriage that is forcibly made up has a lot of suffering!
The problem of disintegrating marriage is not a betrayal, I hope middle-aged couples can see the truth as soon as possible, or repair the leaky marriage in time, or stop the loss in time and let each other go!
Even if there is no actual betrayal, the occurrence of these 3 things is unbearable: leave!
1: Infidelity and deception go hand in hand
Although the article explicitly mentions the words "even if there is no actual betrayal", infidelity and deception are not just a summary of actual betrayal!
Infidelity and deception in marriage include, but are not limited to, the following forms:
Actual betrayal, flirtatiousness, concealment of important information, and the principle of the principle that should be decided by two people alone......
When one spouse discovers that the other spouse has committed the above-mentioned infidelity and cheating, the trust has been seriously damaged.
In the face of such a situation, if one of the husband and wife does not ask and the other is lucky, then the distance between them will become farther and farther apart......
And the kind of situation that has already committed infidelity and deceit, but does not change repeatedly, will make the solid foundation of the marriage crumbling!
In this case, divorce has become the best embodiment of the injured party's responsibility for himself, and it is the most rational choice!
After all, once trust is broken, no matter how much trust is rebuilt, it will not be able to return to the original "unguarded"!
What's more, the heart has gone away, and people have no remorse, and they barely keep the marriage, but it is the self-torture of the hurt, and it is useless!
2: Malicious speculation about the other party's words and deeds
Under what circumstances will a person maliciously speculate about the words and deeds of his lover? There is only one answer:
When the self-defense mechanism is under attack!
However, if the self-defense mechanism is attacked, does it really prove that the lover is maliciously attacked? There is still only one answer:
Can't prove it!
Many times, middle-aged couples are accustomed to getting along with each other in a concise and concise way because they have been together for a long time, and they will perfectly ignore the importance of expression!
In this case, the party receiving the information will think that he is not recognized, appreciated, or noticed, and that he or she has been denied and looked down upon......
So much so that after superimposing the needs that have not been met for too long, as long as the person in front of him opens his mouth and moves, he will immediately arouse his emotions and refutation......
Faced with this situation, the other party may have the patience to explain at first, but after a long time, they will simply lose patience. Or, from beginning to end, they didn't know they were being speculated on......
Malicious speculation about the words and deeds of the other party means that one party can speculate about the other party's motives and feelings without conclusive evidence.
After a long time, separation has become the only choice for each other to let go!
3: Lack of empathy and understanding
When a person is too spiritually dependent on another person, he will expect the other person to empathize with him and understand his own inner needs!
Under the effect of need, there will be the motivation of empathy and understanding!
In order to gain empathy and understanding, middle-aged people will use complaints, accusations, reasoning, emotional venting, and seemingly effective communication to convey the message that I need to be empathized and understood when facing their lovers!
However, if the other party is a selfish and self-interested person in his heart, or because he is not in love, he will naturally make people whose needs are not met and whose expectations are disappointed, from hope to disappointment, from disappointment to despair!
After being desperate for a long time, I don't look forward to it!
But what's the point of existence in a marriage without expectations?
From the point of view of reason and human nature, when a person still has the value of being used, it is enough to find a way to use it.
But who can really withdraw the expectation of the emotional component, and really get along with the person in front of him from the perspective of reality and human nature?
There are very few people who do it, and those who can't do it are divorced as the best choice!
If it were you, which one would you be able to do?
Love is the purgatory of people in the world. Whether it's love or friendship, the right time and the right person can achieve positive results!
About the Author:
He is a high-quality author in the field of emotion, a professional counselor, and has provided valuable and meaningful help to many counselors. I have rich experience in marriage, relationships, interpersonal relationships, etc., if you have any emotional confusion, please feel free to consult me.
Discussion: Can you accept a makeshift marriage? Let's talk about it in the comment section.