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The sad past of an impotence patient - the battle of the Spanish succession

author:Sister Mao said history

Since the birth of the human species, in order to compete for territory, gangs and factions have fought every day. Medieval Europe, like the Colosseum, was a history of fights and brawls in which various countries bared their teeth and sharpened their knives, and the fragmented history of Europe was actually a history of escalating weapons.

The first thing monarchs do when they get up every day is to think about where they will fight today. The Saxony family has a good piece of land, and they have to find a way to grab it; France's new master is a little kid who can be bullied; I heard that the guy in Spain is impotent and has no offspring, won't his family property all belong to me?

At the end of the 17th century, King Carlos II of Spain had a lot of family property, including the Netherlands, Milan, Sicily, Naples and other places in Italy. The king, on the other hand, was terminally ill and had not yet given birth to a boy and a girl, and the huge family fortune was left uninherited, because Carlos II was an impotence patient.

The sad past of an impotence patient - the battle of the Spanish succession

(King Carlos II of Spain)

On November 6, 1661, the court of Madrid, Spain, was overjoyed when Queen Mariana congratulated Queen Mariana on the birth of a boy. He is fifty-six years old, and he has never had a male heir, and seeing that the huge family property is cheap for outsiders, Comrade Lao Fei can't eat well and sleep.

Lao Fei was married twice in total, and the two queens had at least thirteen children, and only two daughters survived to adulthood. Maria, the eldest daughter of his ex-wife, was married to King Louis XIV of France, and his youngest daughter, Marguerite, became the empress of the Holy Roman Empire.

After decades of hard work, he finally looked forward to his son, and Lao Fei was so excited that he burst into tears. After a while, the midwife handed the belated baby boy into his hands, and Lao Fei was so happy that before he could close his mouth, he was immediately poured cold water on his head.

Oh my God, is this a child or a monkey? Even if the appearance is shockingly ugly, the tongue is bigger than the mouth, and it can't be stuffed back when it hangs out; The chin is swollen as if it had been beaten and bulged into a ball; The eyeball bursts out of the orbit, like a patient with severe hyperthyroidism. The whole face was like a shoehorn, and Lao Fei almost fainted when he looked at it.

Lao Fei settled down, and checked with the maids who were in a circle around the queen's birth bed one by one, and confirmed that this guy who was as ugly as an alien was indeed born from the queen's belly, and he was indeed his own son, truer than pearls.

O heaven, O earth! I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't gamble, I don't do anything, everyone loves flowers, and I haven't borrowed money from that Sister Mao. Who did I recruit and provoke whom, why did I give birth to such a son?

The sad past of an impotence patient - the battle of the Spanish succession

(King Felipe IV of Spain)

This alien baby boy is Carlos II, the last king of the Habsburg dynasty of Spain. Why does Xiaoka look so weird? This is all the fault of the Habsburg family inbreeding.

The Habsburg family was divided into two branches, Spanish and Austrian, and the two branches intermarried with each other in order to ensure their blood and interests. Comrade Lao Fei is the seventh generation of the Spanish branch, his parents are cousins, his grandparents are cousins, grandparents are also cousins, and the descendants of the whole family are all shoehorn faces, and the more serious they are.

Lao Fei's second queen Mariana is his sister's daughter, that is, the uncle married his niece and gave birth to Xiaoka, which is Lao Fei's fifth son, and the first four are all hanging. After so many generations of inbreeding, the number of offspring is getting smaller and smaller, and the quality is getting worse and worse. By the time Xiaoka's generation comes, the Spanish branch of the Habsburg family is left with his lone seedling.

In the autumn of 1665, when Lao Fei hung up due to appendicitis, the alien Xiaoka was not yet four years old. He is uglier than when he was born, like the door god posted by Sister Mao's family in the Chinese New Year's Eve. He couldn't walk, he couldn't speak, and he was crazy about sheep, foaming at the mouth and turning his feet to the sky, and was nicknamed "The Devil".

Xiaoka finally learned to walk at the age of 6 and to speak at the age of 12. But his body was so weak that he walked three steps and one breath, five steps and one rest, and a gust of wind could blow him up the tree like a piece of paper. The court teachers did not dare to teach him to learn skills such as horseback riding and archery, for fear that he would hang up if he fell.

Under the careful care of the hearts of the people, Xiaoka has finally grown up. Serving this master who fell down in the wind, I don't know if his court maid vomited a few liters of blood and lived past the age of thirty. As an adult, Xiaoka opens his mouth every day, and he doesn't smile from ear to ear, because he can't close it if he wants to.

The sad past of an impotence patient - the battle of the Spanish succession

(Carlos II)

Seeing that her sick and crooked son was an adult, the regent Mariana was in a hurry, and she had to hurry up to find him a family affair and give birth to a descendant before he hung up. Under the influence of the Queen Mother, the 18-year-old Xiaoka married a daughter-in-law, and the bride was 17-year-old Marie-Louise de Orleans, niece of her French brother-in-law Louis XIV.

Looking at this name, you know that Marie is a girl from the family of the Duke of Orleans in France, Louis XIV has no daughters and no granddaughters, and it happens that the royal brother Philippe has three girls, so Marie and her two sisters have always enjoyed the treatment of princesses.

The European aristocracy in the Middle Ages was also quite sad, although they had money and status, they did not have the freedom to marry, and marriage was basically the order of their parents and the words of the matchmaker, and interests were the only criterion. As for love, it is a luxury, and it is a blessing to cultivate love after marriage, and there are many infatuated men and women.

Mary is elegant and charming, beautiful as a flower, and most of the people around her are handsome men and beautiful women, and she has long accepted her fate for her inability to marry independently. She had only seen the portrait of Xiaoka before marriage, and had never seen him in person, and felt that although this future husband was a little ugly, he was not earth-shatteringly ugly, and it was not beyond the scope of human cognition.

As the saying goes, a man can be relied on, and a sow can climb a tree. Ah no, it's a string of words, it's the painter who can be relied on, the sow can go up the tree, there was no beauty and no PS at that time, it all depends on the painter. Whoever dares to make Xiaoka ugly will not let him see the sun tomorrow.

The sad past of an impotence patient - the battle of the Spanish succession

(Carlos II)

After the surrogate wedding at the Château de Fontainebleau, the bride Marie set foot on Spanish soil with a yearning for married life. Despite doing a thousand or ten thousand psychological constructions in advance, Mary fainted at first glance after seeing the earth-shattering and ghostly little card.

Looking at the delicate and moving bride, Xiaoka was so excited, he fell in love with his queen almost at first sight. But this man hated her husband, and Mary was disgusted when she looked at her. Not only is Xiaoka ugly, but she can't do anything, and after the two spend a non-eventful wedding night, Mary is completely desperate.

The beautiful bride has since fallen into the abyss of misfortune, and the Spanish court is lively and luxurious, but she feels extremely lonely, and the weak little card is also miserable. Year after year, Mary's stomach did not move at all, and the Queen Mother Mariana became more and more dissatisfied with her daughter-in-law.

From ancient times to the present, whether at home or abroad, people always like to put the pot of not being able to have children on women's heads. The mother of the world sees that her son also has his own filter, although the little card is ugly and rushes out of the earth, the queen mother thinks that the baby son is rich and looks good, and she believes that her daughter-in-law is not angry: what is the use of the hen that does not lay eggs?

One day, Mary's French retinue was suddenly accused of plotting to overthrow the king. It was a big incident, Mary's entourage was dragged for interrogation, and her personal maid was tortured, although it was finally over, but this matter made Mary angry.

Dog beating also depends on the owner. Mary is a French princess and queen of Spain, but she can't protect her personal maid. Xiaoka is not only ugly, but also a mother-in-law, and she doesn't dare to help her speak, everything is decided by her mother-in-law, and the queen mother becomes an evil mother-in-law in seconds.

One day in February 1689, Mary was riding a horse when she suddenly felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. The maids carried her back to the bedchamber, and after a full night of rolling in bed, Mary died.

The sad past of an impotence patient - the battle of the Spanish succession

(Mary of France)

There are many versions of conspiracy theories circulating online about the mysterious death of the Queen of Spain because Mary died so strangely. It is widely said that Mary's mother-in-law disliked her daughter-in-law's inability to have children and could not divorce, so she found someone to poison her so that her son could marry and have children.

There is no evidence in historical materials that the queen mother did this, although the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not good, but their residence is far away, and the two have not been in contact for a while, and the queen mother was also surprised when she learned that her daughter-in-law died suddenly.

Today, with the development of medicine, we can roughly judge the attack of acute appendicitis, which seems to be a piece of cake today, but it was fatal in ancient times.

After ten years of marriage, his beloved wife died suddenly, and Xiaoka was so sad that she burst into tears, but nothing is more important than giving birth to an heir. Xiaoka's tears have not been wiped away, and the Queen Mother sent someone to inform: Hurry up and clean up, you are going to be a groom again.

The year after Marie's death, she remarried, this time as Maria Anna from the Palatinate-Neuburg. Judging from the existing portraits, this girl has a mediocre appearance and a somewhat eccentric personality. Xiaoka couldn't do it in the first place, but in the face of his wife he didn't like, he became more impotent.

The sad past of an impotence patient - the battle of the Spanish succession

(Maria of the Palatinate)

In 1696, the Queen Mother died, and Xiaoka, who had reached middle age, lost his last spiritual support, and he became even sicker. His hair is gone, his teeth are gone, he is deaf and blind. Crazy every day, foaming at the mouth, the 35-year-old Xiaoka is already old.

His behavior is even more ridiculous. Somehow, he ran to the monastery and asked the family to open the coffins of the family members, and he wanted to see the corpses. His ex-wife Mary has been dead for so many years, and she has long been rotten into a pile of white bones, and Xiaoka still has to hold that pile of white bones. It's really off the charts, and it's a thing that cleans up some snake spirits every day.

Xiaoka, who is only in his thirties, is like an eighty-year-old man, and it is only a matter of time before he kicks his legs, and in the face of those huge wealth that no one inherits, his relatives are dying. There are three main types of relatives: descendants of sisters who married into France and the Holy Roman Empire, and family branches in Austria.

Relatives waited left and right until November 1, 1700, when Xiaoka, who had been in the world for 39 years, finally died, leaving a bunch of relatives who tore B for inheritance, and the powerful Spanish Habsburg Dynasty was wiped out.

Xiaoka's life is a tragic life, and it is a miracle that he stumbled and lived to be 39 years old. Physical deficiencies caused him psychopathology, which further led to his absurdity. If there is a choice, I think he is not willing to come to this world, and leaving early can be regarded as an early relief.

As soon as Xiaoka took his last breath, his relatives, who had already been grinding their fists and fighting with each other, immediately fought. In the shadow of swords and swords, the bloody land of Europe once again set off stormy waves, and the famous battle of the Spanish succession broke out!

The sad past of an impotence patient - the battle of the Spanish succession

(Battle of the Spanish Succession)

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War of the Spanish Succession (1701-1714): A European war between the Bourbons of France and the Habsburgs of Austria for the Spanish throne due to the extinction of the Spanish Habsburg dynasty and the vacancy of the throne. The war was essentially a situation in which France dominated Europe in order to contain the annexation of Spain, thus triggering a new alliance between half of Europe against France. Eventually, France won the war and seized the throne, starting the Bourbon dynasty in Spain, which continues to this day.

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