01
Dear friends,
What was the most unpalatable dish when I was a kid?
"Bibimbap"
Yes, you read that right,
It is the scene where I was taught by my parents at the dinner table, held back tears, and bowed my head to eat white rice.
Recently swiped a video @gg,
A feeling of familiarity and suffocation came over me.
At the dinner table,
Mom recounted that her brother told others that he scored 100 points in mathematics.
Dad glared at him angrily.
The younger brother lowered his head aggrievedly, tears in his eyes......
The moment the little boy looked cautiously at the adult,
It feels like he's not the only one who is broken,
There are also a lot of viewers in front of the screen.
(Source@gg)
For a child,
Isn't it worth the joy of taking a 100 test?
Categorically not.
So what the hell is this dad angry about?
In his logic,
"Happy telling others to score 100 points" is not called sharing,
It's called showing off, it's called showmanship, it's even pride,
And pride regresses.
Most people should have had this experience as a child:
If you do well in the exam, you can't be too happy,
If you don't do well in the exam, you can't be too depressed.
Even when you grow up,
Social discipline everyone: don't be happy.
Once the emotions leak out,
It will label you as a city government that is difficult to achieve great things and lacks a city government.
In short, you have to be subtle and suppress your emotions.
Variety show "Cat in the Box" Wu Bi performed a clip:
He said that when he was 16 years old, he was admitted to university.
I wanted to share this joy with the people around me, but they all said not to show off, they would be beaten.
So he hid his joy.
Later he told his daughter,
When playing the piano, you can't have emotions,
When you don't study well, you can't have emotions,
When you go out to play, you can't be too happy, because happiness makes you sad......
One day my daughter competed and won a medal.
He asked his daughter why she was unhappy.
The daughter asked him: Dad, can I be happy?
It's really sad.
We are ashamed to express our happiness in front of people,
I'm sorry to be happy because of the little things,
Don't dare to be happy before others......
When did it begin to become a sin to express emotions.
02
Some time ago, there was a video that was very popular:
on the high-speed rail,
A boy about 10 years old took the money given by his mother to buy a boxed lunch.
When I came back, I happily told my father that the three portions had different tastes, and the family could change them.
When the mother heard this, she immediately became angry and scolded the child for why did she buy three copies?
The child was very confused, and said that there was one for each of the three people.
At this time, my father, who had been silent, said that he was not hungry and did not want to eat.
The mother also followed up and said that she was not hungry, and blamed the child for having to spend the money to be comfortable.
And the father on the side also echoed......
After returning two copies, give the remaining one to the child,
Let the child educate on grievances while eating:
Such an expensive meal on the high-speed rail,
Your father and I won't eat,
It's not easy to make money......
And the little boy sat silently in his seat,
Sniffling, tears streaming the meal to his mouth.
Let's assume that
If the child buys a meal,
Will his parents think he knows how to be frugal?
Not really.
They will only think that the little boy is selfish and white-eyed wolf.
So it's like, you're doing everything wrong.
And before,
A 14-year-old girl prepares four dishes and one soup for her mother when she comes home from work.
The first thing my mother said when she came in and saw the dish was:
Am I going to praise you? How can you eat so many dishes?!
One can imagine how uncomfortable the girl's meal was.
Did you find it?
For some parents, the first reaction of their children is to say no.
Emotions are not allowed,
I'm afraid that you will get carried away if you are too happy, and I am worried that you will look cowardly if you shed tears.
Buying three boxed lunches is spending money indiscriminately, and buying one is selfish;
Cooking too much is a waste, and doing too little is ......
Isn't this a typical repressive education for Chinese parents?
Do you remember the story in the primary school textbook: "Wonderful, terrible"
The boy wrote a poem,
Mom's first reaction was to praise him, it was wonderful!
Dad's first sentence after reading it was: It's terrible!
Two diametrically opposed attitudes,
Profoundly affects the boy's mood.
The central idea at the end of the story is "two evaluations of love".
Being suppressed like this, is it really love?
To be honest, I'm still skeptical.
Parents are accustomed to presupposing a very bad outcome for a behavior,
Then the cause of the bad result is deduced.
But in fact,
This logic of cause and effect is inherently wrong.
Who says that being happy means being arrogant and showing off?
There's a saying that goes like this:
Talk to your parents about your troubles, and your troubles will be doubled,
Share the joy with your parents, and the joy will disappear.
It is precisely because parents have so little support for their children,
will make the parent-child relationship so different.
Parents may have a variety of social relationships,
But for children:
Parents are all they have.
But if even the parents deny their children,
What is the difference between this and the sky falling for a child?
So, I would like to share with you the following words:
If you are an ordinary parent, you don't have much resources, you don't have much culture, and you don't know how to educate your children.
Then you should encourage him more, recognize him, praise him more, understand him more, and support him more.
Don't forcibly transfer your cognition, anxiety, fear, anger, and grievances to your children, which is the best education for children.