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In July 2002, a high-rise building in Shanghai stood quietly in the summer sun. In an apartment on the 24th floor, 29-year-old Chen Baolian stands by the window holding her newborn son.
Her eyes were full of pain and confusion, and tears fell silently.
Chen Baolian gently stroked her son's face, struggling inwardly whether to leave with this innocent life. Eventually, she kissed the child deeply on the forehead and gently placed him on the bed.
Looking back at the room, Chen Baolian's gaze swept over the bits and pieces of her short life. She took a deep breath and turned to walk to the window. The moment she jumped down, 29 years of life flashed in front of her eyes like a slideshow.
What drove this young mother to a dead end? Her story begins 15 years ago.
Chen Baolian's life has been shrouded in gloom from the beginning. Born in a single-parent family, the lack of paternal love left an irreparable void in her young heart.
When she was 12 years old, her mother took her to the bustling city of Hong Kong, hoping to start a new chapter. However, fate seems to be particularly harsh on the mother and daughter.
In order to pay off her debts, 15-year-old Chen Baolian was forced to embark on the road of part-time modeling. Standing in front of the camera, she tried her best to squeeze out a smile, but her eyes revealed confusion about the future and helplessness about reality.
At the end of every shooting, she would hide in the corner alone and sobbed silently, her heart full of yearning for the life of an ordinary girl.
When she was 17 years old, Chen Baolian's mother signed her up for the Miss Asia contest. Although she failed to win the crown, this experience became an opportunity for her to step into the entertainment industry.
However, behind this seemingly glamorous world, there is endless darkness.
Under the impetus of her mother, Chen Baolian began to take over the filming of Fengyue movies. Every time she shoots, she is in agony, tears streaming uncontrollably. However, the high liquidated damages were like a sword hanging over her head, so she had to grit her teeth and persevere.
The young Chen Baolian is full of contradictions and pain, she longs to escape from this suffocating environment, but the shackles of reality bind her tightly.
Despite this, Chen Baolian still persevered in the pursuit of the development of her acting career. She starred in many works one after another, trying to get rid of the label of "star".
In 1994, in the movie "Domestic Lingling Paint", Chen Baolian successfully created a beautiful and moving image of a female killer, which left a deep impression on the audience.
This role seems to give her a glimmer of hope and makes her see the possibility of transformation.
However, the long-term work pressure and inner torment have made Chen Baolian's physical and mental condition deteriorate. She began to have frequent mood swings, sometimes crying uncontrollably, sometimes forcing a smile.
This experience left Chen Baolian with psychological wounds that were difficult to heal, and also laid the groundwork for her future tragedy.
Chen Baolian's youth, under the manipulation of her mother and the pressure of society, turned into a nightmare that is difficult to get rid of. There is always a hint of yearning for a better life in her eyes, but the reality has pushed her deeper into the abyss again and again.
In the ups and downs of her acting career, Chen Baolian's heart has always longed for a sincere feeling. In 1993, while filming "Sword Slave", she met Mo Shaocong.
This encounter seems to have given Chen Baolian a glimmer of hope and let her see the dawn of love.
Mo Shaocong recalled: "At first, I didn't particularly want to pursue her. But as I got in touch with her, I discovered that there was a kind and sincere heart hidden under her beautiful appearance, which touched me deeply.
For Chen Baolian, who has always longed for true love, Mo Shaocong's appearance is like a ray of light in the night.
She threw herself into the relationship, hoping to find a home in life. A spark of hope rekindled in Chen Baolian's eyes, and she began to look forward to the future and fantasize about being able to have a warm family.
However, the harsh reality soon hit her in the face. It turned out that Mo Shaocong was just a playboy who was playful, and his pursuit of her was just a whim.
This first love was short-lived, and soon disappeared, leaving Chen Baolian with only deeper disappointment and heartache.
Just when Chen Baolian fell into a trough, fate played another joke on her. She befriended Huang Renzhong, a wealthy businessman, a man who seemed to be able to change her fate. Huang Renzhong fell in love with Chen Baolian at first sight and was determined to include her under his wing.
He pampered Chen Baolian in every way, whether it was expensive jewelry or a luxurious life, he was not stingy.
Chen Baolian, who lacked fatherly love, soon fell into this meticulous care. She even called Huang Renzhong "godfather", thinking that she had finally found the redeemer in her life.
A smile bloomed on Chen Baolian's face again, and she began to believe that she could get rid of the haze of the past and welcome a new life.
However, she doesn't realize that this seemingly savior character is actually a trap that can't save her. Although Huang Renzhong dotes on Chen Baolian, his romantic nature has never changed.
As the novelty faded, his attitude towards Chen Baolian gradually became cold. He is still juggling between many beauties, which is undoubtedly a huge blow to Chen Baolian.
Chen Baolian couldn't accept this fact, and her emotions began to spiral out of control. She made all kinds of crazy moves to try to save Huang Renzhong's heart, and even threatened suicide.
However, instead of saving Huang Renzhong's heart, these behaviors made him more and more tired. Huang Renzhong even openly claimed that he had an intimate relationship with Chen Baolian many times, and this kind of remark caused serious harm to Chen Baolian.
In this complicated relationship, Chen Baolian experienced the pain of falling from the clouds to the bottom. Her heart is full of contradictions and struggles, both longing to be loved and afraid of being hurt again.
In the dead of night, she would cry alone, thinking about the past, and the wounds in her heart became more and more serious.
This experience caused great psychological trauma to Chen Baolian and buried a deeper hidden danger for future tragedies. She began to lose faith in love and lost hope in life.
Chen Baolian's eyes no longer had the brilliance of the past, but were replaced by deep exhaustion and despair. She is like a wounded bird, lost in the fog of love, unable to find a way back.
As her relationship with Huang Renzhong deteriorated, Chen Baolian's emotions began to spiral out of control. There was no longer the same splendor in her eyes, replaced by a deep exhaustion and despair.
Her temper became short-tempered, often throwing tantrums for no apparent reason, and even lashing out at the people around her.
Chen Baolian began to interact frequently with people at the bottom of society, as if looking for a way to escape from reality. Her behavior became more and more extreme, and she even ended up getting addicted to drugs.
Whenever she was alone, she always stared at herself in the mirror, her eyes empty, as if she was questioning why fate was so unfair.
Although Huang Renzhong was aware of Chen Baolian's problem, he tried to alleviate her depression by sponsoring her to go abroad for vacation or further study. However, these external efforts do not get to the heart of the problem.
Chen Baolian's inner world is in tatters and cannot be repaired by simple material compensation.
At the premiere of "World of Senses", Chen Baolian's behavior shocked everyone. When the host was giving an enthusiastic speech, she suddenly picked up a knife and cut her wrists in public to harm herself.
Blood ran down her arm, leaving a harsh red on the white gown. At this moment, the pain in her heart was finally presented to the world in the most direct way.
Although she later changed her name to "Zhao Xuanwen" and even took refuge in Buddhism in search of spiritual solace, none of these efforts really healed her wounds. Chen Baolian's mental state is deteriorating, she is often suspicious, and she always feels that someone is spying on her.
At one point, she even nearly set herself on fire, but fortunately she was discovered in time to avoid the tragedy.
During this period, Chen Baolian was like a wounded little beast, struggling helplessly in the dark. Her behavior is becoming more and more extreme, as if she is punishing the world that has hurt her with self-harm.
However, this vicious cycle only plunges her deeper into despair.
In the dead of night, Chen Baolian would sit alone in front of the window, looking at the lights in the distance, tears flowing uncontrollably. She is full of contradictions and pain, both longing to be loved and understood, but also afraid of being hurt again.
Her eyes were filled with remorse for the past and fear for the future, as if there was no hope in sight.
This experience left Chen Baolian with psychological wounds that were difficult to heal, and also laid a deeper foreshadowing for her final tragedy. Her soul seemed to be collapsing little by little, and the girl who was once full of energy and dreams was now only an empty shell.
After experiencing a series of emotional setbacks, Chen Baolian began to change her boyfriend frequently. Her eyes were full of confusion and emptiness, as if she was filling the emptiness in her heart in this way.
However, instead of bringing comfort, this behavior made her lose herself even more.
In June 2002, the arrival of a new life brought a turning point in Chen Baolian's life. In Shanghai, she gave birth to a son. When she picked up this little life for the first time, her eyes flashed with long-lost tenderness and hope.
However, the identity of the child's biological father remains a mystery to this day, and this unsolved mystery has added more pressure and distress to Chen Baolian.
As a single mother, Chen Baolian faced unprecedented challenges. She struggled to play the role of a mother, but the trauma and the pressure of reality made her unbearable.
Her eyes often showed deep exhaustion and helplessness, and sometimes she shed silent tears at her sleeping child.
In the last moments of her life, Chen Baolian's heart was still full of contradictions. She loves her children dearly, but at the same time, she can't shake off her obsession with the past. In the suicide note she left behind, she affectionately expressed her thoughts and love for Huang Renzhong.
She wrote: "Dear mother, please convey to the young master (Huang Renzhong's nickname) on my behalf: 'Pauline is gone, I hope he can take good care of himself!'" Pauline still loved him until she died.
This unforgettable love became the last straw that crushed her. Chen Baolian's eyes were full of pain and despair, and she could not find a balance between her mother's responsibilities and the pain in her heart.
In the end, she chose to leave and left Full Moon's son in this world.
At the last moment of her life, Chen Baolian's eyes showed deep apology and reluctance. She gently caressed her son's face, as if she wanted to engrave this maternal love in her heart forever.
However, the pain in her heart finally overcame the light of motherhood and pushed her to the end of her life.
On July 31, 2002, Chen Baolian's life came to an abrupt end. Her departure was like a pebble thrown into a calm lake, causing huge ripples in society.
After Huang Renzhong learned the bad news, he fell into deep grief and self-blame. He called Chen Baolian's name many times when he was seriously ill, as if he wanted to save those lost time.
This once suave wealthy businessman is now also tormented by remorse.
Chen Baolian's life is like a tragedy, she has never felt the warmth of mother's love, and she has not even had the happy time of ordinary people. However, in the last moments of her life, she may feel a little relieved to see her son grow up happily under the care of others.
This life has become the only solace and hope in her short life, and it is also the last attachment to this world.
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