Recently, I came across a case and shared it with you to deepen everyone's understanding of the recovery of an avoidant ex.
Xiaoyu said to redeem
A woman found me and said that she had broken up with her boyfriend for more than a month, and her boyfriend was a person who didn't usually chat with her much, and then there was a conflict and quarrel between the two, and there was never a positive communication, but this girl was there alone, and the boy was always silent.
The girl feels very tired to get along like this, but she really likes her boyfriend, and she has been trying to redeem it after this quarrel and breakup, but she doesn't know what to do?
From this girl's description, we can see that her boyfriend is a typical avoidant personality.
I've told you before that one of my points is that if you can, you should try to avoid dating people with avoidant personalities, because the experience of having a relationship with them is not very good, but this is just a personal opinion.
Let's take a look at what are the general manifestations of avoidant personality in intimate relationships? Generally speaking, the fundamental problem of avoidant personality is the lack of love in their hearts, which is likely to be caused by their family of origin, or it may be caused by their upbringing.
This causes them to be relatively cold towards feelings, rarely take the initiative to express their needs, and when there is a conflict, they will not use a fierce way to confront them, so as to avoid calmness.
So in the face of such an ex, how should we redeem it?
Xiaoyu said to redeem
The first point, which I've mentioned to you before, and I've mentioned repeatedly, is that it's important to keep a safe distance.
For avoidant couples, basically the more you chase him, the faster he runs, but don't think that it is to disconnect you, if you disconnect at this time, the other party will most likely think that they don't need this relationship, and you will really miss it.
Therefore, for the control of this distance, the family I give is a safe distance, that is, in a distance where they feel comfortable with each other, they can do their own things, you also have your own life, and at the same time, guide the other party to be curious and interested in your life.
When they know that they are happy with you, they will naturally start to reconnect with you.
The second point is to be a safe partner;
If you are facing an avoidant ex, you accuse the other party or entangle and move the other party, it will make the other party feel pressure, and they will not think that these are touches, but will think that you are morally kidnapping the TA and deepen the rejection of you by the TA.
So I suggest that you give each other a little more attention, give each other a little more recognition, slowly infiltrate each other's lives, and let them gradually adapt to your existence, and don't rush to redeem them.
Xiaoyu said to redeem
The third point is to understand the emotional needs of your ex;
Because avoidant people, they have a very significant characteristic, that is, they are insecure, so it is actually difficult for them to reveal their inner thoughts to others, so if you can understand the real needs of the other person, then the other party will be more inseparable from you.
You can try to talk to each other with a calm attitude about your real thoughts, and in some in-depth communication, you can be keenly aware of each other's needs, so as to meet each other's needs.
If you want to redeem your avoidant predecessor, do what I said about the three points, and the recovery can still be very smooth, I wish you all reconciliation as before.
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