My sister recently went out to study, and when she came back, she told me that she had been suppressing her emotions before, and now the teacher said, don't suppress your emotions, I won't hold it back in the future, and I will vent when I'm unhappy.
After hearing her understanding, I decided to write an article about releasing emotions and talking to you about the difference between releasing emotions and venting.
First, the release of emotions you think is not holding back, not at all
Many people simply think that releasing emotions is just to stop suppressing themselves and express their feelings directly, without considering the way and consequences, but this understanding is one-sided and inaccurate.
True release of emotions is not simply a matter of stopping forcible patience or inhibition. If you just pour out your inner feelings without any scruples, without proper management and guidance, it can often lead to more problems.
For example, when you encounter unfair treatment at work, you only impulsively yell at a colleague or boss may feel like an emotional "release" in the moment, but it can actually damage your work relationship, affect your professional reputation, and may even expose yourself to a more unfavorable situation.
For example, in the family, when there is a conflict with a loved one, if you just vent your dissatisfaction and anger without reservation, it may hurt the feelings between the relatives and lead to estrangement in the relationship.
Not holding back emotions is only a preliminary stage of releasing emotions, but it is more important to deal with and express emotions in a proper, reasonable and beneficial way.
This requires us to learn to control the intensity and expression of our emotions, taking into account the feelings of others and specific situations, in order to achieve the effect of both catharsis and problem solving or avoiding new problems.
For example, when a person is treated unfairly at work, if he or she just loses his temper with a colleague or boss on the spot, this may seem to release emotions, but in fact it may lead to more problems, not only unable to resolve the fundamental conflict, but also may affect his professional image and interpersonal relationships.
2. Releasing emotions is not about finding the person concerned to express or vent
Many times, when we have strong emotions, we may instinctively think that by expressing our dissatisfaction, anger, or other strong emotions directly to the person, we are releasing the emotion. However, this practice is often not a truly effective way to release and may even have more negative effects.
When we are in an emotional state to vent to the person concerned, it is often difficult to remain rational and objective. Our words and actions may be dominated by emotions and become aggressive and hurtful, exacerbating the contradictions and conflicts between the two parties.
For example, in a heated argument, one party shouts accusations and complaints at the other party, which may temporarily make the venting party feel emotionally released, but it may trigger a strong counterattack from the other party, making the situation more difficult to manage.
In addition, venting emotions directly to the person does not necessarily solve the underlying problem. Emotions are often the result of a combination of factors, if you simply pour out emotions to the person,
Without deep reflection on the nature and root cause of the problem, it is likely that the superficial emotions are only temporarily relieved, while the deeper problems remain, and may even be compounded by improper venting.
And even if we express our emotions to the person, it needs to be in a constructive and gentle way, and not purely venting.
For example, communicating each other's thoughts and feelings in a calm tone and discussing solutions to problems together can really help to release emotions and solve problems.
To sum up, releasing emotions is not blindly looking for the person concerned to vent uncontrollably, but requires us to deal with our emotions in a more sensible, mature and effective way.
3. I take full responsibility for my emotions
We need to understand that our emotions are generated by our own perceptions and interpretations, and we cannot blame the external environment or others.
To take full responsibility for your emotions, you can start with the following:
1. Self-awareness: Always be aware of your emotional state, and be sensitive to emotions when they arise. As Socrates said, "Know thyself." "You can only manage your emotions better if you recognize them first.
For example, when you feel angry in a communication with a colleague, you immediately realize that you are angry.
2. Reflect on the root causes: Analyze the reasons for your emotions, whether your expectations are not being met, your values are being challenged, or there is a deviation in your interpretation of things.
Aristotle once said, "The ultimate value of life lies in the ability to awaken and think, not just to survive." For example, if you are frustrated because your work results are not recognized by your leaders, you can reflect on whether your expectations are too high or if your work is really inadequate.
3. Adjust cognition: change the way you think and interpret things, and avoid being overly subjective and one-sided. Dale · Carnegie said, "To change people without offending or offending them, praise them for the slightest progress, and praise every progress." ”
For example, if a friend declines an invitation to a party, don't immediately assume that the friend doesn't care about you and that maybe the friend has something else important.
4. Control reactions: When emotions are aroused, restrain impulsive actions and words, and do not let emotions dominate your actions.
Plato said, "Self-control is a kind of order, a kind of control over pleasure and desire." "For example, when you are arguing with your family and want to drop something, take a deep breath and calm down.
5. Positive Action: Improving the emotionally generated situation through practical actions. Emerson said, "A man who is forever moving toward his goal, the whole world gives way to him." ”
If you are anxious because of high work pressure, make a reasonable plan and gradually solve the problems at work.
6. Self-growth: Continuously learn the knowledge and skills of emotional management to improve one's psychological quality and coping ability.
Goethe said: "No matter what the goal of his efforts is, no matter what he does, he is always powerless alone." Gregariousness is always the highest need of all good-minded people. ”
7. Accept imperfections: Admit that you have mood swings, accept your imperfections, and don't blame yourself too much for negative emotions. Lao Tzu said: "Those who know others are wise, and those who know themselves are clear." The winner is powerful, and the self-winner is strong. ”
In short, taking full responsibility for your emotions requires constant self-cultivation and adjustment, and gradually becoming the master of your emotions.
We need to understand that our emotions are generated by our own perceptions and interpretations, and we cannot blame the external environment or others.
Fourth, release the emotional trilogy
First, be aware of your emotions. At the moment when emotions arise, be aware of your feelings, and do not escape or deny them. For example, when you feel angry, you immediately notice that you are angry.
Second, embrace your emotions. Whether the emotion is positive or negative, give it space to exist and not criticize yourself. As Rabindranath Tagore said, "Don't let time pass in darkness." "We should not resist negative emotions, but embrace them.
Finally, transform emotions. Through positive thinking and action, negative emotions can be transformed into positive motivation. For example, turn frustration at work into an opportunity to improve your abilities, and see conflicts in relationships as an opportunity to improve your communication skills.
In short, releasing emotions is an art that requires us to comprehend and practice with our hearts in order to achieve inner peace and growth.
5. How can you tell if your emotions are truly released?
To judge whether your emotions have truly been released, you can observe and evaluate from the following aspects:
1. Physical sensations: If emotions are released, the body usually feels relaxed, such as muscles are no longer tense, breathing becomes smoother, heartbeat returns to normal rhythm, and there are no more symptoms of physical discomfort such as headaches and chest tightness.
2. Psychological state: Feeling calm and tranquil inside, no longer bothered by previous emotions, clear thinking, able to focus on the affairs of the moment, and no longer repeatedly recall the events that caused the emotions.
3. Behavioral performance: After the emotional release, the behavior will become more positive and constructive, such as being able to work, study, and socialize normally, and there will no longer be avoidance, procrastination, or overindulgence in a certain bad behavior (such as excessive eating, alcoholism, etc.) to escape the emotion.
4. Sleep quality: If you can fall asleep peacefully, and no longer suffer from insomnia, dreaming or waking up frequently due to emotional problems, it means that your emotions may be better released.
5. Perception of things: When looking at the event that causes the emotion or the person involved, you can be more objective and rational, and no longer full of strong biases or negative evaluations.
6. Follow-up reactions: When a similar situation reappears, the same strong negative emotions are no longer generated, or they can be coping and dealing with them more effectively, indicating that the previous emotions have been properly released and processed.
In short, by comprehensively observing the changes in physical, mental and behavioral aspects, you can accurately judge whether your emotions have really been released.
Recommend a few books that will help you release your emotions:
1. "Emotional First Aid: Strategies and Methods for Coping with Various Daily Psychological Injuries" (by Dr. Guy · Winch): The book introduces a variety of ways to deal with common emotional injuries to help readers deal with and release various negative emotions.
(Book cards have been added here, please go to the Toutiao client to view)
2. "Why My Emotions Are Always Controlled by Others" (by Albert ·): Introduces how to avoid being affected by the bad emotions of others, so as to better control and release your emotions.
(Book cards have been added here, please go to the Toutiao client to view)
3. "Emotional Freedom, Lighter Life" (Author: Zhang Defen): Through the author's personal experience and perception, readers are guided to recognize and release emotions and embrace a light life.
I'm Oxygen, a middle-aged girl who grew up with you.