On the balance of educating children: seeking the path of responsibility cultivation between strictness and pampering

On the balance of educating children: seeking the path of responsibility cultivation between strictness and pampering

Summary: Educating a child is a complex and arduous task that can neither be too harsh nor too pampered. Harshness may be seen as disrespectful to the child, leading to a lack of responsibility on the part of the child; Pampering, on the other hand, will also teach children to be irresponsible, making both children and adults abandon responsibility. This article analyzes the disadvantages of strict and pampered education methods, and explores how to find a balance between the two, so as to cultivate children's sense of responsibility and provide useful guidance for children's healthy growth.

Keywords: educate children; Stern; Pamper; Responsibility; balance

I. Introduction

Educating children is an important responsibility of every family and society. One of the many challenges faced by parents and educators in the process of children's growth is how to grasp the scale of education. An overly harsh approach to parenting can take a toll on a child's psyche and affect their self-esteem and self-confidence. An overly pampered education may make children self-willed, self-centered, and lack a sense of responsibility. So, how do you find a balance between strictness and pampering to raise responsible, independent and confident children? This is a question that deserves to be explored in depth.

2. The disadvantages of strict education

(1) Disrespect for children

Some people think that being strict is disrespectful to children. In a harsh educational environment, parents often appear in an authoritative posture and exercise strict control and restraint on their children. If children's opinions and ideas are not fully respected, they may feel ignored and suppressed. In the long run, children may become resistant to their parents, and even affect the parent-child relationship.

(2) Lack of cultivation of a sense of responsibility

Strict parents often blame their children for not being responsible, but do not realize that it is their own parenting style that causes their children to be irresponsible. Under strict control, children may become passive, dependent, and lack the ability to make independent decisions and take responsibility. They are accustomed to following their parents' instructions rather than thinking and acting on their own initiative. Without parental supervision and guidance, children may be overwhelmed and unable to take responsibility for themselves.

3. The disadvantages of pampered education

(1) Teach children to be irresponsible

The pampered style of education is the overindulgence of the child. In this environment, children can do whatever they want without any constraints. They don't need to be held accountable for their actions because their parents will always solve problems for them. Such children often lack self-discipline and self-discipline, and it is difficult for them to form correct values and a sense of responsibility.

(2) Both the child and the adult abdicate their responsibilities

Pampering not only abdicates children's responsibilities, but also makes adults lose their principles in their education. Parents' excessive doting and accommodation of their children make it impossible for them to firmly correct and guide their children's wrong behaviors. Over time, adults will also abdicate their responsibilities as educators and allow children to develop freely. This kind of education is not conducive to the growth of children and will also have a negative impact on society.

4. Strike a balance between severity and pampering

(1) Respect children's individuality and needs

Educating children starts with respecting their individuality and needs. Every child is unique, and they have their own interests, strengths, and weaknesses. Parents should understand the characteristics of their children and teach them according to their aptitude, rather than generalizing harsh or pampered education methods. Respect children's opinions and ideas, involve them in family decision-making and life, and cultivate their sense of autonomy and responsibility.

(2) Establish clear rules and boundaries

While respecting your child, establish clear rules and boundaries. Children need to know what to do and what not to do. The rules should be reasonable, clear, and apply equally to every member of the family. Parents should set an example for their children by following the rules and following the rules. At the same time, when children violate the rules, it is necessary to correct and educate them in time so that they understand the consequences of their actions.

(3) Cultivate children's self-discipline

Self-discipline is an important manifestation of a sense of responsibility. Parents can learn self-management and self-discipline by cultivating their children's self-discipline. For example, let children develop their own study plans and daily schedules to develop their time management skills; Encourage children to participate in physical activity and social practice to improve their self-control. In the process of cultivating self-discipline, parents should give their children appropriate guidance and support, so that they can gradually learn to think and act independently.

(4) Give children appropriate responsibilities and challenges

Children need to take on certain responsibilities and challenges as they grow up, which helps them develop a sense of responsibility and self-confidence. Parents can give their children appropriate household chores, study tasks, and social activities according to their age and abilities. In the process of completing tasks, children can experience the joy of success and the frustration of failure, learn how to face difficulties and challenges, and assume their own responsibilities.

(5) Pay attention to emotional communication and encouragement

Emotional communication is an important part of educating children. Parents should establish a good parent-child relationship with their children, communicate with them more, listen to their voices, and understand their inner world. When children make progress, they should be encouraged and praised in a timely manner, so that they feel that their efforts are recognized; When children encounter difficulties, we should give them support and help so that they can feel the love and trust of their parents. Through emotional communication and encouragement, children's intrinsic motivation is stimulated, and their sense of responsibility and self-confidence are cultivated.

V. Conclusions

Educating children is a job that requires wisdom and patience. Finding a balance between severity and pampering, and cultivating a sense of responsibility in children, is an important task for every parent and educator. Respecting children's individuality and needs, establishing clear rules and boundaries, cultivating children's self-discipline, giving children appropriate responsibilities and challenges, and focusing on emotional communication and encouragement are all effective ways to achieve a balanced education. Only in such an educational environment can children grow up healthily and become responsible, independent and confident pillars of society.

In the process of educating children, we must constantly reflect on our own education methods and adjust and improve them according to the actual situation of children. At the same time, we should also learn from the successful experience of others and continue to learn and improve our own education level. I believe that with our joint efforts, we will be able to cultivate more outstanding children and contribute to the development and progress of society.

Analytical Studies:

In view of the lack of responsibility of children, the main reasons are as follows:

1. Family environmental factors

1. Overprotective

- Parents take excessive care of their children and do everything for their children. For example, help your child organize their school bag, tidy up their room, or even complete their homework. In this way, children will not have the opportunity to take responsibility for themselves, and over time, they will think that these things should be done by their parents, and they are not responsible.

- Children lack the opportunity to face difficulties and solve problems in the process of growing up, and when they encounter problems, their first thought is to rely on their parents instead of finding solutions on their own, so they cannot develop a sense of responsibility.

2. Lack of role models

- If parents lack a sense of responsibility and show behavior in life such as not taking work seriously, being irresponsible about family affairs, and not fulfilling promises to others, children will imitate their parents' behavior patterns. For example, parents often miss their children's school activities without explanation, and children may feel that they too can lose value on their commitments and responsibilities to others.

- The lack of an atmosphere of mutual care and family responsibility among family members can also affect the formation of a child's sense of responsibility. For example, if parents pass the buck to each other, children may feel that responsibility is optional.

3. Improper education

- Overly harsh parenting may lead to fear and resistance in children, who passively obey in order to avoid punishment rather than acting out of a sense of inner responsibility. At the same time, harsh criticism can hit a child's self-confidence and make them afraid to try to take responsibility for the fear of being punished more harshly if they make a mistake.

- Overly arrogant parenting makes children self-centered, believing that they can do whatever they want and are not responsible for their actions. If parents unconditionally satisfy their children's unreasonable demands, children will not know how to restrain their own behavior and consider the feelings of others.

2. Factors of school education

1. Emphasis on grades over morality

- Schools focus too much on students' academic performance and neglect the cultivation of students' moral character and sense of responsibility. In curriculum setting and teaching evaluation, test scores are often the main criterion, and there is a lack of assessment and guidance on students' sense of responsibility and other moral aspects. For example, a student may cheat in order to get good grades without realizing that such behavior is a sign of irresponsibility.

- Teachers may not fully integrate the cultivation of sense of responsibility into the teaching content in the teaching process, and lack the cultivation and guidance of students' sense of responsibility in class affairs and team activities.

2. Lack of hands-on opportunities

- Schools provide students with fewer activities such as social practice and volunteer service, and children lack the opportunity to exercise their sense of responsibility in real life. For example, students rarely have the opportunity to participate in community service, environmental protection activities, etc., and cannot experience the impact of their actions on others and society, so it is difficult for them to develop a sense of responsibility.

- In the class management of the school, the main role of students may not be fully utilized, and students may not be involved in the decision-making and management of class affairs. Students only passively accept the teacher's arrangement, and lack the awareness to take the initiative to take responsibility for the class.

3. Socio-environmental factors

1. The impact of bad values

- The spread of some bad values in society, such as utilitarianism, individualism, etc., may make children think that they only need to focus on their own interests and not be responsible for others and society. For example, the notion that some media outlets promote the luxury of celebrities and the primacy of personal success may lead children to pursue material comforts and personal fulfillment, while ignoring the importance of responsibility.

- Some dishonest and irresponsible behaviors in society can also have a negative impact on children. If children see adults acting perfunctory at work or defrauding consumers in business, they may feel that irresponsibility is a common phenomenon and lower their own requirements for accountability.

2. Lack of positive incentives

- There is a lack of sufficient recognition and rewards for responsible behavior, and children's responsible behavior is not recognized and encouraged in a timely manner. For example, if a child takes the initiative to help others in public but does not receive any response or praise, they may feel that their actions are meaningless, which reduces their motivation to act responsibly later on.

- In contrast, some undesirable behaviors may be imitated because they bring short-term benefits or attention, further weakening the child's emphasis on responsibility.

Strategy & Methodology:

What should you do if you can't teach your children to be strict or pampered? Some people think that it is possible to adopt "kindness and firmness" to educate children positively.

Kindness and firmness go hand in hand: the path of wisdom in educating children

In the process of discussing how to educate children, the education method of "kindness and firmness" has gradually attracted people's attention and recognition. This method not only avoids the negative effects of being too harsh, but also prevents the adverse consequences caused by excessive arrogance, and provides a path full of wisdom for children's growth.

1. Kindness: the power to warm children's hearts

Being kind means treating children with respect, understanding and love. When we relate to children in a kind way, they are able to feel that they are loved and respected. This warm power nourishes the child's mind and allows them to grow up in a safe environment.

First of all, the kind way of education focuses on listening to the child's voice. Children are young, but they also have their own thoughts and feelings. We should give them ample opportunities to express themselves, listen carefully to their words, and understand their inner world. By listening, we can better understand our children's needs and confusions, so that we can give more targeted guidance and help.

Secondly, being kind means respecting the child's individuality. Every child is unique, with different interests, personality traits and learning styles. We must not impose our own expectations on our children, but respect their individual differences and encourage them to develop their own strengths and potentials. For example, for children who love to draw, we can provide them with drawing tools and learning opportunities to explore freely in the world of art.

Finally, the amiable approach to education emphasizes the substitution of encouragement for criticism. Children will inevitably make mistakes in the process of growing up, and when they make mistakes, we should not blindly criticize and blame, but guide them to recognize and correct their mistakes in an encouraging way. Encouragement can stimulate children's self-confidence and motivation, so that they can face challenges and difficulties more courageously. For example, when children are struggling with their studies, we can encourage them by saying, "It's okay, you've worked hard, let's figure out how to solve this problem together." ”

2. Firmness: The cornerstone of cultivating children's sense of responsibility

Firmness is not the same as being strict, but on the basis of respecting the child, adhere to principles and clear rules, so that the child knows what can and cannot be done. A firm approach to education provides a stable framework for children to grow up and helps to develop their sense of responsibility and self-discipline.

On the one hand, we are firmly required to establish clear rules and boundaries. Children need to know where the boundaries of behavior are so that they can grow freely within a safe boundary. The rules should be reasonable, clear, and apply equally to every member of the family. For example, we can set family rules like completing homework on time, respecting others, obeying traffic rules, etc. At the same time, we should lead by example, follow the rules, and set an example for our children.

On the other hand, firmness means correcting and educating your child in a timely manner when they break the rules. When a child behaves inappropriately, we must not turn a blind eye or compromise easily, but firmly point out their mistakes and let them bear the consequences. This allows children to understand that their actions have consequences and thus learn to take responsibility for their actions. For example, if a child doesn't finish their homework on time, we can keep them from watching TV or playing games until they've done their homework.

3. Kindness and firmness go hand in hand: the perfect combination of education

Kindness and firmness go hand in hand, which is to combine warm care with clear principles to create a growth environment that is both loving and disciplined for children. In this way of education, children are able to feel the love and respect of their parents, and at the same time, they know that their actions have boundaries.

First of all, the combination of kindness and firmness requires us to show our love and understanding for our children when communicating with them, and at the same time to stick to our own principles and positions. For example, when a child wants to buy a toy and we think it's not for them, we can say, "I know you like this toy a lot, but this toy may cause damage to your eyes, we can choose a safer toy." This not only expresses the understanding of the child, but also adheres to his own principles.

Second, kindness and firmness go hand in hand to require consistency in the process of educating our children. We can't be kind at times and stern at times and make children feel confused and uneasy. Instead, we should always treat children in a way that is both kind and firm, so that they know that our education is stable and reliable.

Finally, the approach to education that goes hand in hand with kindness and firmness requires us to constantly learn and reflect. Educating children is a process of continuous exploration and progress, we must continue to learn new educational concepts and methods, reflect on our own educational behaviors, and adjust and improve according to the actual situation of children. Only in this way can we better use the education method of kindness and firmness to cultivate children with a sense of responsibility, independence and self-confidence.

In short, the parallel education method of kindness and firmness is an educational concept full of wisdom. It warms the hearts of children with kindness, cultivates children's sense of responsibility firmly, and provides strong support and guarantee for children's growth. On the road of educating children, let us lead children to a better future in a way that is kind and firm.

To educate children in a way that is both kind and firm, you can start from the following aspects:

1. Establish a good parent-child relationship

1. Listen and understand

- Give your child plenty of time and space to express his thoughts and feelings. When your child communicates with you, stop what you're doing, listen intently, and use your eyes and body language to convey that you're listening. For example, when your child comes home from school and excitedly talks about what happened at school, you can sit next to him, look him in the eye and nod his head in response from time to time.

- Try to understand your child's behaviour and emotions from their point of view. Don't rush to criticize or blame, but think about why they behave the way they do. For example, if your child gets into an argument with a friend because he doesn't want to share a toy, you can say, "I know you like this toy very much, and it's normal that you don't want to share it with others." So let's think about whether there is any other way to solve this problem? ”

2. Show love and respect

- Always use words and actions to show your child how much you love them. It's okay to cuddle your child, kiss them, or say warm words like "I love you, baby" or "You're the best". Let your child feel loved, which builds a sense of security and self-confidence.

- Respect your child's individuality and choices. Every child has their own interests and strengths, so don't force them to do things they don't like. For example, your child loves to draw, and you can provide him with drawing tools and materials to encourage him to use his creativity.

2. Establish clear rules and boundaries

1. Make rules together

- Discuss with your child the rules of the family and involve them so they will be more willing to follow them. For example, hold a family meeting to discuss time limits for watching TV, playing games, and requirements for completing homework, doing chores, etc.

- When developing rules, make sure they are reasonable, clear, and easy to understand and enforce. The rules can be written down in simple language and posted in a prominent place so that the child can review them at any time.

2. Stick to the rules

- Once the rules are set, enforce them firmly. When your child breaks the rules, don't compromise or give up easily, let them know that the rules must be followed. For example, if your child spends more time watching TV, decisively turn off the TV and remind them to follow the rules.

- In the process of enforcing the rules, stay calm and sensible, and do not criticize or punish the child emotionally. You can communicate with your child in a calm tone, let them understand their mistakes, and guide them to think about how to correct them.

3. Cultivate children's sense of responsibility

1. Assign appropriate tasks

- Assign appropriate household chores or study tasks to your children according to their age and abilities so that they learn to take responsibility. For example, ask your child to help clean up the table, organize the school bag, feed the pet, etc.

- When assigning tasks, be clear about the requirements and completion time of the tasks, and give your child enough guidance and support. If the child has done a good job, praise and reward him in a timely manner; If it's not done well, help them analyze the cause and encourage them to do better next time.

2. Let the child take the consequences

- Allowing children to take responsibility for their actions when they do something wrong helps them learn to take responsibility for their actions. For example, if a child forgets to bring their homework to school, don't send it to them and let them bear the consequences of being criticized by the teacher.

- Pay attention to ways and means to make your child suffer the consequences, and not be too harsh or punitive. You can discuss with your child how to avoid similar mistakes from happening again and guide them to learn from them.

4. Encouragement and guidance

1. Encourage positive behaviors

- Pay attention to your child's positive behavior and progress, and give encouragement and praise in a timely manner. Describe their merits and accomplishments in specific language to let them know that their efforts are recognized. For example, "You took the initiative to help your mother with housework today, what a sensible and good child!" "You have made great progress in this exam, which means that you have studied hard during this time, keep up the good work!"

- Encouragement can be done in a variety of ways, such as giving material rewards, taking children to do things they enjoy, giving them a big hug, etc. But be careful not to reward too much so that your child doesn't become dependent.

2. Lead to problem-solving

- When your child encounters a problem or difficulty, don't solve it for them, but guide them to think of solutions on their own. Questions can be asked to help them analyze the cause of the problem and possible solutions. For example, if your child has a conflict with a classmate at school, you might ask, "Why do you think the conflict is with your classmate?" Is there any way to solve this problem? ”

- Encourage your child to try different solutions and give them support and encouragement as they try. Even if their methods don't succeed, acknowledge their efforts and courage and let them know that failure is the mother of success.

In short, educating children in a kind and firm way requires parents to adhere to principles and clear rules while caring for their children, and cultivate children's sense of responsibility and problem-solving skills. Through a good parent-child relationship, clear rules, appropriate tasks, and positive encouragement, we help children grow up healthily and become responsible, independent and confident people.

(The picture comes from the Internet, if there is any infringement, please contact me to delete.) It is not easy to create, so do not infringe. ）

(This article is based on my years of teaching experience, and found that teachers and parents are currently teaching students that there is confusion - not to punish children, and not to pamper children, the problems raised, and the strategies and methods to deal with them.) ）