0221 Emotional Intelligence: Why Emotional Intelligence Is More Important Than IQ – John McCormick (3)

Part III: The Use of Emotional Intelligence

Chapter Nine: Intimate Enemies

1, love and work is a dual ability that marks the full maturity of a person, and emotional strength is the key to the survival of marriage.

2, women are good at understanding verbal and non-verbal emotional signals, good at expressing and communicating feelings, men do not like to express vulnerability, guilt, fear and hurt emotions. Women are more empathetic and more emotional than men. Men and women have to overcome inner gender differences when dealing with emotional issues between each other. If this is not possible, cracks are prone to cracks, which can eventually lead to a breakdown in the relationship.

3) An early warning sign of a crisis in a marriage is sharp criticism, excessive complaints, or personal attacks.

4) "Automatic thoughts" are basic assumptions about the transience of ourselves and others, reflecting our deepest emotional attitudes.

5, emotional flooding is emotional loss of control. When emotions are completely out of control, the individual's emotions are too strong, the views are too narrow, and the thinking is too confused, and it is impossible to listen to the opinions of others or solve problems with reason. Flooding can deprive individuals of emotional self-awareness and self-control.

6, women generally do not mind quarreling for couples unhappy, but men are very concerned. More men than women are emotionally flooded after being criticized by their spouses, so men need more care. Men are strong but fragile, women are weak but tough. When the husband is passive, the wife will be emotionally flooded.

7, marriage advice to men: do not avoid conflict, the wife vents dissatisfaction or raises disagreements, in order to maintain the health of the marriage. Avoiding coming up with practical solutions too early is more important to develop empathy for her feelings.

8, marriage advice to women: you can complain about their behavior, but do not make personal attacks or express contempt.

9, a basic principle of maintaining a healthy marriage is not to focus on the specific issues of the couple's quarrel, such as child education, sex, money, housework, etc., but to cultivate the common emotional intelligence of both parties and improve the possibility of solving problems.

10. Emotional responses begin to form from childhood, learn through the most intimate relationships or by taking parents as an example, and then be brought into marriage and fully formed. Empathy for one's spouse's emotions is a magic weapon for de-escalating conflict.

12, calm, empathetic, good at listening, can enable couples to effectively resolve disputes, if allowed to develop negative factors, it will destroy the marriage.

13. A key to the competitiveness of marriage is that both spouses must learn to manage their emotions and master the ability to quickly recover from the emotional flood caused by emotional loss of control.

14. Listening is a skill for maintaining the relationship between husband and wife. Understanding and responding to each other's remedial gestures is good for the health of the marriage. Respect and love can unravel the hostility in marriage. In a couple relationship, for one partner to truly empathize with the other, his or her own emotional response must remain calm so that his or her physiology can reach a level that reflects the feelings of the spouse.

15. An effective means of preventing the escalation of the dispute is to let the other party know that you can also see things from other angles, although you do not agree with it, but this view may have a certain degree of reasonableness. Also, if you think you're wrong, take responsibility and apologize.

Chapter 10 Careful Management

1. The three roles of emotional intelligence: to turn complaining into effective criticism; to create an atmosphere of harmonious cooperation and reduce friction; and to establish a good network of relationships.

2) Skillful criticism focuses on the individual's behavior and the possibility of improvement in the future, rather than boiling down to personality reasons.

Criticize the art of others: be specific, provide solutions, express it in person, and remain sensitive.

The art of accepting criticism: use criticism as advice, don't protect yourself, and use criticism as an opportunity.

3, prejudice is an emotional experience that individuals acquire in the early stages, and biased emotions are formed in childhood, but the belief in support of prejudice appears later. Bias reactions are difficult to completely eliminate, and what can be changed is people's attitudes towards bias.

4, one of the most important factors of group intelligence is the emotional intelligence of the group. The key to high group IQ is social harmony. Other things being equal, the ability of a team to coordinate is a guarantee of team talent, efficiency, and success.

5. An important factor in the optimization of team results is the degree to which team members maintain internal harmony, and team harmony helps members to give full play to their talents. For a harmonious team, having a highly talented member can improve the overall performance of the team, while a team with more friction can hardly take advantage of the competent members. Harmony allows the team to maximize the creativity and talents of its members.

6. The reason why star engineers work well is that they spend time developing good interpersonal relationships with key people, and key people can provide key services for solving problems or handling crises in temporary ad hoc teams.

7. Informal networks are necessary for a person to work smoothly. There are three kinds of informal networks: one is a communication network, the other is a professional network, and the third is a trust network.

8. As knowledge-based services and knowledge capital become the focus of enterprises, improving employee cooperation will be a major way to enhance knowledge capital and exert key competitive advantages.

Chapter 11: The Heart and the Medicine

1. The human body's immune system has the ability to learn like the human brain.

2. Stress and negative emotions can reduce the effectiveness of various immune cells. Disturbing emotions are risk factors for diseases, and people have three major negative emotions: anger, anxiety, and depression.

3, loneliness and isolation is a kind of emotion that endangers health, and maintaining close emotional ties helps human health. The subjective feeling of disconnecting from people and having no one to turn to can affect health.

4, good interpersonal relationships are the key to relieving stress. People who spend their days and nights together are essential to a person's health. The more important this relationship is to you, the greater the impact it has on your health.

5. Speaking out the most annoying thoughts can help reduce stress and improve health. Communication is a new drug that prolongs the lives of patients.