"This is just not what you want!"
"You just can't cry!"
Similar words are not uncommon around, and parents are often helpless in the face of their children's unreasonable needs.
In the absence of any way, some parents may choose to respond in the form of cajoling. Like what:
If you don't cry, I will buy it for you, and if you don't cry, you won't buy it;
This is medicine, especially bitter can not be eaten.
It may have worked at the time, but it got worse in the end.
In fact, in the face of children's unreasonable needs, it is not only a way to refuse.
The requirements may not be met
But emotions have to be accepted
For the child, the most uncomfortable thing is not your rejection, but your rejection of him is uncomfortable, and you still feel that it does not matter.
Therefore, in the face of unreasonable needs from children, parents first need to achieve three principles:
No criticism, no rush, no comfort.
Because accepting emotions first is the basis for solving problems.
Don't tell your child that crying is not okay, you can't get something you like, your ideas can't be realized, and it's normal to cry sadly.
In this process, let the child know that you care about him, and you pay attention to his feelings, and you are sad with him.
For example: hug every now and then, wipe a tear, stroke the back.
Use this process to help them gradually calm their mood.
Then seriously tell the child why this requirement cannot be met.
For example, a child who eats ice cream will have diarrhea, so he is not allowed to eat it.
Of course, such a dialogue is based on relative equality.
Parents who express their own views should also allow their children to have the right to speak and express their own views.
If what he says really makes sense, then why not be satisfied?
Don't respond to requests with lies
If you are not careful, you will hurt your child's heart
Some parents may think that their children are small and it is okay to cheat occasionally.
Today you lied to him, and without knowing the truth, he unconditionally chose to believe you.
It's because you're his mom, his dad, an absolutely trusted being.
But what if tomorrow he knows the truth?
The idea of a child is simple, he will not think that his parents are afraid that I am sick and will not satisfy me.
On the contrary, they will think that mom and dad just don't want to do it, and they will lose their children's trust and lose their authority because of this lie.
There is nothing wrong with sticking to principles
But there must also be scales
For some things that have been promised, except for special circumstances, children regret it, and parents cannot give up their principles.
For this is teaching children: what they say must be believed.
However, try to give a reasonable and moderate "compensation plan" to make the child less lost, and mom and dad are not cold and reasonable and unsympathetic roles.
For example, a child clamors for ice cream, but he has diarrhea when he eats it.
At this time, he can cry and take it aside to let him cry for a while, and after calming down, he can tell the child why he did not buy ice cream.
After the child knows, he will discuss whether to buy an egg roll to eat first, he does not agree, the parents can say: You don't eat me for a while to buy a food? Do you want to accompany me?
After the child eats, he can also buy another milk to drink, because the ice cream is also derived from milk, which is equivalent to eating ice cream.
Just in case he cries the next time he does the same thing, he will tell the child that if he wants to eat ice cream before he is well, we can eat it like this.
Not letting them feel that their ideas will be rejected and ignored, and Mom and Dad are also trying to satisfy him as much as possible, and they are cared for.
It doesn't matter if the child has unreasonable needs, what matters is how the parents respond with tact.
How do you deal with your child's unreasonable demands?