When writing the review of "Perfect Partner", I wrote that Sun Lei's kind of "good" will actually have a lot of negative effects in marriage, so many friends expressed disbelief, they said: You always say that Sun Lei has something wrong, is Chen Shan doing it right?
Not really. I've never thought of it that way. It's just that each article is limited in space, I can only focus on one topic or one person to write, and the mistake of writing one side does not mean that the other party I did not write is necessarily right.
In fact, whenever there is a problem in the marriage, both husband and wife need to bear responsibility. For example, the divorce of Chen Shan and Sun Lei, although Sun Lei is wrong, many of Chen Shan's practices are indeed undesirable, and it is the two of them who jointly pushed this marriage to the situation of divorce.
So, where is Chen Shan's problem?
Chen Shan's biggest problem is that she "loves more truely."
At the beginning, in order to promote cooperation with Lin Qingkun, she did not care to check her daughter's injury after the car rear-ended, but first thought of handing the document to Lin Qingkun. Although the daughter's trauma is not serious, her such an approach will be a very serious injury to her husband and children emotionally.
In fact, in the workplace, we all know that work is never easy, but we also know that no cooperation is 100% sure of success, and it is normal to fail once in a while. But Chen Shan's "more truthfulness" made her not allow her to have such a failure, so she would disregard the safety of her family and achieve her goals.
Chen Shan is such a person, on the surface, her "more true" is only aimed at work, but in fact, every time she is more true to work, it hurts the feelings of husband and wife and family. You think, a person in life, energy and time are limited, you invest too much in the work, you will inevitably ignore the family.
Of course, I am not saying that we should put work behind the family, but that we should prioritize, rather than being more realistic in time and leaving our children behind for a job that is not so urgent.
Just like the time when she forgot to wear small white shoes later, Chen Shan first said that she had made an appointment with someone else and did not have time to send it to her daughter, which we can also understand. But the person she asked to date only met and said a few words and left, she had time to rush to deliver shoes to her daughter, but she insisted on not sending them in order to question Yan Fei.
Is it important to find out about the flying geese? significant. But she didn't have to rush to question for a few minutes, not to mention that others deliberately concealed her things, she couldn't ask, even if she could ask clearly, how much impact could it have to go later? But she had to go to the truth, had to ask immediately, and couldn't even answer the phone.
Chen Shan's approach is not an occasional incident once or twice, but her personality, and she handles things in this way every time. It is her "love is more true" personality that has become a great flaw in her marriage and family.
The impact of "love is more true" on marriage.
Like Chen Shan, she seems to be more truthful at work, but because she is more real, she ignores her family and hurts the feelings of her relatives, which is actually very harmful to marriage.
Sun Lei once blamed Chen Shan for not knowing that there were several nannies at home, although I did not agree with Sun Lei's ideas, but this also reflected the impact of Chen Shan's "love is more true" on marriage and family.
You may say that work is not like this, who can put family first all the time with such ease?
What I'm trying to say is that I'm not denying her commitment to her work, I'm denying her authenticity that doesn't have to be the first time. If your job is the kind of job where every second counts, like a firefighter, a doctor, etc., then it is a different matter.
In our lives, there are really many such people, they like to be more true, to do one thing, obviously do not have to be done in a day, but she can not finish it and feel that she can not go home, can not answer the phone of the lover, can not accompany the child to say two words. This spirit is commendable, but such an attitude is not worth encouraging.
The so-called family establishment has never allowed you to work without a family, but to let you take care of both as much as possible within the allowable range. If you don't even care about the safety and health of yourself and your family for the sake of your work, what is the point of your hard work?
Of course, this "love is more true" personality, we see more, not just at work. Just as in some families, when the husband says something that makes the wife uncomfortable, the wife will not let him explain until she is satisfied; or if the husband and wife have different opinions, one party has to tell who is right and who is wrong.
These may seem like small things, but once such small things have formed your personality and habits, that is, you are such a person who loves more really, then your marriage must be affected, and the longer the time, the more obvious this influence will be.
Therefore, a woman like Chen Shan, it is difficult for her to be happy in life. Whether she is more true at work or more true in the family, what ultimately hurts is the relationship between husband and wife.
epilogue:
Each of us should have our own principles and views of right and wrong, to do what is right and to oppose those that are wrong. But in addition to the principle and the concept of right and wrong, there must also be a less real heart.
This less real heart contains two main points.
One is not to be true to time. If something you think should be done, but doing it later won't have much of an impact, then you don't have to leave your family behind to do it.
The second is not to be more true than small things. Like the opinions and differences between husband and wife, it is not necessary to distinguish between right and wrong, and you do not have to be unforgiving in such a matter.
The so-called "too rigid and easy to bend, good and soft undefeated", those who love more really, while hurting their families, often make themselves tired.
About the author: Meet and miss, a woman who likes to read and write, focusing on the creation of articles in the emotional field and the analysis and answer of emotional questions, I hope that my words can accompany you warmly forward.