Li Yue'er 丨How to correctly evaluate her children

In today's society, people usually appreciate optimistic children because they are enthusiastic, lively, and willing to explore new things that they have never seen before. And for other children, they are worried: they do not smile, they are cautious about everything around them, and they will never be the first to eat crabs.

Li Yue'er believes that although the manifestations of these two children are completely different, the end result may be similar, and they are both able to live well. If there is a bad situation in the development process, it is likely that there is a problem with the evaluation given to him by the adults around the child. For example, adults may feel that the optimistic child is not patient enough, not down-to-earth, trying to cultivate his patience, when the child tries to give up a thing, criticize him "you are really impatient, this time can not stick to it", repeatedly do this, the child may position himself as such a person, unconsciously develop in this direction, and finally realize the adult's "wish".

How to compare children

Li Yue'er believes that it is necessary to compare the child's development status, but we can only compare the child's previous stage with the present, and cannot compare this child with that child; we can only compare the child's individual development level with the ordinary development level, and cannot pick out the slow development part of the child with the fast development part of other children.

Evaluate your own children correctly

Every parent understands the phrase "evaluate their children correctly", but it is not easy to really do it.

We can do this in two ways:

1. What are some of the things you feel comfortable with with your child?

2. What are some of the areas you are worried about about your child?

When you've listed both, you may find that the problems you're worrying about right now are caused by the comforting aspects.

For example, this parent's evaluation table of their children:

Comforting aspects:

Understand the reason - when the adult does not agree with what he wants to do, give him reasoning, and then stop doing it.

Considerate - sometimes when the mother comes back from work tired, the child will ask: "Mom, what is wrong with you, is it unhappy?" If the mother says she is tired, the child will quickly say, "Mom, sit down and rest." "At this time, I will feel very warm in my heart.

Obedience - never cause trouble, do not make parents worry, do not do those dangerous things.

Smart - you can remember the road you have traveled, you can know the brand of many cars, and you can memorize the nursery rhymes a few times.

Areas of concern:

Timidity - When I am with other children, I always dare not take the initiative to play with children. Others rob him of his things, just cry, sometimes just silently watching others snatch his things away.

Especially sticky mother - as long as the mother is at home after work, she clings to her mother and does not want to leave.

He doesn't want to play by himself – he always has to play with adults.

Let's look at the analysis of teacher Li Yue'er: In this example, why does the child understand the reason? One possibility is that the atmosphere in which the parents are reasoning is very tense and uncomfortable, and this atmosphere makes the child give up what he is doing. Another possibility is that the parent's face is not as kind as before when he is reasonable, which makes the child feel afraid and gives up.

The second is that children are very considerate of adults. In fact, children in this period are in a period of autonomy and sensitivity, only know their own ideas and realize their own wishes, they can not empathize with others, nor do they have the experience of fatigue and anger like adults, do not understand the psychological feelings when this situation occurs, and generally cannot understand others. If a three-year-old child has a situation of "understanding others", it must be trained. He used the power of development to observe the faces of others at all times, and could not forget to think and explore.

What this parent is happy about his child is, from a developmental point of view, to worry about.

The third one is obedience. In traditional education, adults expect their children to be good. The so-called obedience is that the adult does what he says, and does not do what he does not let him do, so that he loses himself. It is precisely because the child has this place that satisfies the parents that the first thing that worries the family will be timidity.

Since the child is obedient, he does not dare to explore, making his heart very empty and pale, lacking enthusiasm. Because of their sensitivity to the environment, they will focus on the things they have noticed, so their memory is generally very good, but their memory is not smart.

What people need for survival is wisdom, and wisdom is the ability to find problems and solve problems, and it is the ability to adapt to the environment, not just memory.

Therefore, evaluating children is a subject for every parent to learn. The eyes of parents are sunshine and sickles, and must be used well, so that children can thrive.

What do you think of the eldest --- at the age of three?

When evaluating a child, we must first see clearly what the qualities that God has given him and how they should help him. After that, what is to be checked is how effective the help is, whether the help is right, and these will be manifested in the child's behavior.

After making adjustments to the children in the evaluation table above for a period of time, we can re-list the aspects that make adults happy and worried from a developmental point of view:

Comforting aspects:

1. The child can adhere to his own principles, and when what he wants to do conflicts with the requirements of the adult, he can argue with reason and insist on his own opinions.

2. The child never cares about the opinions and comments of the people around him, and the criticism of adults does not change his working methods, and he is busy with his own exploration every day.

3. The more the adult does not allow him to do things, the more interested he is, and he tries to be tempted. We have to go through multiple behavioral processes to control his exploration of dangerous things.

4. Found that the child is very wise, a big child in the community robbed his things, he did not try to go up and grab it himself, but ran to his mother and asked for his mother's help. If the child was as old as he was, he would cling to his things and not let go, sometimes snatching his own things back.

Areas of concern:

1. The child works too long every day and worries that the child is too tired.

2. The child eats too much and is worried about overweight.

3. The child's exploration scope is too wide, worried that the parents will not be able to take care of it, and there will be danger.