Recently, many parents have consulted me through WeChat or telephone to consult effective solutions for their children's school aversion, some of which show obvious anxiety, anxiety and irritability, and a small number of parents have insomnia due to their children's boredom, which affects their work. After a detailed understanding of the behavior of children who are bored with school and the reasons behind them, it is found that each child's situation is unique, and there is no master key or a universal and effective method, which needs to be tailored to improve the plan and flexibly adjust it in implementation. Based on the practice of case counseling, the truth of children's boredom with effective solutions is sorted out and shared.
1. What are the manifestations of children's boredom with school?
Reluctance to go to school or even cry, lack of interest in learning, resistance to doing homework, low mood at school, inattention in study, sleeping in class, avoiding or absenteeism from school, unwell at school, electronics addiction, poor interpersonal adaptability. Some children have severe physical symptoms (such as insomnia, loss of appetite, dizziness, headache, palpitations, etc.) and emotional reactions (such as depression, anxiety, irritability, autism, etc.), which are in line with the characteristics of "anorexia syndrome".
Second, what is the truth behind the child's boredom?
1. The mystery of the brain. When the child is born, the brain has not yet matured, the command connection circuit of the nervous system in the brain is blank, with the child's growth, environmental stimulation, parental influence, social influence, etc., the child's brain gradually develops and establishes new neuronal connections. When children experience the joy and happiness of learning, they will establish a neural connection of "learning = happiness", and will direct the relevant areas of the brain to secrete "happy hormones" dopamine, serotonin, etc., and the child's excitement in the face of learning is high; on the contrary, when the child is criticized, blamed, and forced, a neural connection of "learning = pain and repression" will be established, thus directing the relevant areas of the brain to inhibit the secretion of "happy hormones", and the child's excitement in the face of learning will decline, thus affecting learning interest.
Daniel Siegel, M.D., of Harvard University, mentioned in the book "How to Make Children Conscious and Active": The human brain has two modes: open brain and defensive brain, of which the defensive brain is manifested as fear, rigidity, closure, inability to cope with conflict, lack of independent thinking ability and internal driving force for learning and exploration; open brain is flexible, tenacious, more willing to try new things, not afraid of making mistakes, dare to be full of themselves, stimulate their potential, learn more consciously, actively, and planned. Parents need to help their children build "open brains" and find self-motivation to make learning voluntary, spontaneous, and automatic "their own business."
2. The motivation to learn is not awakened. Learning motivation is the internal driving force that stimulates children's learning, learning motivation is not awakened, and children's learning lacks internal driving force. Learning motivation is composed of two basic factors, internal drive and inducement, which are directly proportional to needs, and inducements are divided into positive triggers (triggers that drive individuals to tend to or approach goals) and negative triggers (triggers that drive individuals to flee or avoid goals).
3, lack of learning atmosphere. The first is the external atmosphere, including the scenes of children's contact, friends, classmates, etc. there is no positive demonstration effect of loving learning. The second is the family atmosphere, where parents do not lead by example. If the child sees that the parents often swipe the mobile phone and often watch TV, the child naturally imitates the parents' practices. Remember: words are not as good as teaching by example, and teaching by example is not as good as teaching by example; the story of Meng Mu's three migrations has been passed down to this day, which tells parents to pay attention to the family atmosphere.
4, parent-child relationship is not careful. The first priority of parent-child education is to establish a parent-child relationship of affinity and heart, the relationship between parents and children is not harmonious, not careful, and even conflict, which directly affects children's emotions and learning mentality.
3. How can parents effectively deal with their children's boredom?
1. Stimulate children's motivation to learn, which is the root of solving the problem of boredom.
Learning motivation is based on learning needs, stimulate children's learning motivation, and the central link is to let children form a need for learning. In the process of children's growth, grasp the key nodes in stages. 0-3-year-old infants, parents take the child's sense of security as the core, establish a stable parent-child attachment relationship, and avoid learning activities such as premature child literacy and recognition; 3-6-year-old children, parents take the child's rule awareness as the core, help the child establish a sense of rules through parental demonstration, parent-child games, storytelling, etc.; 7-12 years old, parents to cultivate the child's values as the core, 7 years old began to guide the child's learning needs. The effective method of operation for tutoring case verification is as follows:
Take the kids on a tour of cultural attractions and stimulate their interest in exploring. For example: large museums, large libraries, terracotta warriors, forbidden city, great wall, Dunhuang Mogao Grottoes, Peking University Tsinghua campus, etc.
Tell your children classic celebrity stories at home and abroad.
Watch celebrity documentaries with kids.
Help your child develop an interest. For example: sports, reading, talent, etc.
Lead your child to some practical activities. For example: public welfare activities, parent-child activities, etc.
2. Cultivate children's positive emotions.
Harvard psychologist Tersa Amabile, who has studied creativity for more than 20 years, has found that a happy mood is a necessity for creativity. Seligman, the father of positive psychology, believes that everyone can learn to be optimistic. Learned optimism is the use of "non-negative ways of thinking" when bad things and failures are encountered. How to effectively promote positive emotions?
Let the child share the good people and good things every day, and record three good people and good things.
Help children establish life dreams and long-term goals, while helping children find life role models and benchmarks.
Discover your child's strengths and help them play to their strengths.
Take your children to participate in public welfare activities and cultivate a grateful and altruistic heart.
Take your child to the outdoors and develop a hobby of sports.
3. Help children establish effective learning methods.
Watch TV shows with your child that share learning methods.
Take your child to a workshop on learning methods.
Guide your child to read books on learning methods.
Encourage your child to make positive friends.
Encourage children to seek advice from teachers, classmates, and friends
Guide your child to collect and organize learning methods that suit them.
4. Help children develop good learning habits.
The ancient Greek educator and thinker Aristotle said: Habit has a great influence on our lives because it is consistent. Unconsciously, years and years affect our character, expose our nature, and influence our success or failure. Human behavior is always repeated over and over again. Because excellence is not a temporary act, but a habit. Therefore, it is crucial to develop good study habits. How do you develop good study habits?
Pay attention to the training of attention, focus on the matter in front of you, and concentrate on it. Parents can take their children to attend attention training classes, or they can find their own attention training materials to strengthen conscious and deliberate exercises.
Make schedules and study plans and strictly enforce them.
Observe, think, summarize. Daily observation of the learning methods of those with excellent academic performance, combined with their own characteristics and advantages, summarize and form their own unique and effective learning methods.
Practice assistive tools and learning methods deliberately. For example: the use of mind maps in learning, commonly used memory methods, commonly used problem solving methods, etc.
Take good notes and learn to learn on your own. For example: pre-class preparation, questions in class, and after-class summary.
In summary, school aversion is a behavioral manifestation, is a phenomenon, parents must see the essence through the phenomenon, grasp the essence behind the phenomenon, in order to eradicate the behavior of aversion to learning. Each child is a unique individual, there is no one-size-fits-all ready-made answer, parents need to observe more, think more, summarize more, practice more, find the right learning rules and learning methods for children, each child is an excellent seed, there is the right soil, sunshine, air and water, everyone can become a bully!
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