Since becoming a mother, I feel that there is no reason in this world for a mother to leave her child alone.
Therefore, when I saw Zhang Wen in "Speak Well" who had been divorced for so many years and never cared about taking care of Yang Guang, I was particularly incomprehensible. I think that even if the relationship between husband and wife is bad in this marriage, the child is innocent, and the mother must always fulfill the corresponding responsibility to the child.
What's more, judging from the fact that Yang Guang's father made a will to leave the house to Zhang Wen, the relationship between them once husband and wife may not be much worse.
Until I saw Grandma Yang Guang's attitude towards Su Jingjing, I seemed to suddenly understand something.
Traveling, or eloping?
Su Jingjing wants to go on a business trip with Luo Xiu, but is treated as an "elopement" by her mother and grandmother and tries to stop her.
Su Jingjing's grandmother, yang Guang's grandmother, once said something to Su Jingjing's mother:
"You brought your own child like this, who do you blame, you, I have always told you, that is a big girl's family, you have to keep an eye on it, keep an eye on it, this is good, you have to go with others, that is called elopement, do you know or not?" 」
And Su Jingjing's mother said this to Yang Guang:
"You must help me persuade her, she is still a girl, a yellow flower girl, if she leaves, her life will be ruined."
You see, how the words of the mother and daughter are the same.
I don't know how you feel after seeing these words, but I have only two words in my head anyway: old-fashioned and ignorant. It is hard for me to believe that in today's 21st century, there are still people who have such ideas.
But it was just a business trip, why was it so unbearable in their mouths? Taking a step back, even if Su Jingjing and Luo Xiu were in love, it would not be that two people would go out together and ruin their lives.
The reason why they have such ideas is because they are still stuck in the concept of "male superiority and female inferiority", the reputation of a girl is greater than everything, and raising a girl is not to let her achieve herself, but to let her marry, teach her children, and not be criticized and criticized by the in-laws.
Of course, the point I need to explain here is that Su Jingjing's love brain really should not be respected, and girls are so rash that it is easy to be hurt. However, what I want to say more is that Grandma Yang Guang's attitude towards this matter, I hope everyone understands, this does not mean that I agree with Su Jingjing.
What do we see in Grandma Yang Guang's attitude towards Su Jingjing? What I saw was her deep-rooted notion, the idea that women who were also women should be bound, despised, and harsh.
The reason why Su Jingjing's mother said the same thing, even more than that, is precisely because she grew up in such an environment, was heard by her own mother, and now, all this is reincarnated against her daughter.
This, in fact, is the sadness of the whole family.
Zhang Wen's divorce.
After sorting out Yang Guang's grandmother's attitude towards Su Jingjing, Zhang Wen's divorce is not difficult to understand. How would a mother-in-law with "male superiority and female inferiority" engraved in her bones treat her daughter-in-law?
The plot of this drama began with Zhang Wen "fighting" for the house, but in fact, this house was originally the common property of Zhang Wen and her ex-husband, and Zhang Wen originally paid for it. But Grandma Yang Guang insisted that this house belonged to their family and had nothing to do with Zhang Wen.
In the eyes of this mother-in-law, the daughter-in-law is not the mistress of the family, but the private property of the in-laws' family, and everything about the daughter-in-law is the in-laws' family, and the daughter-in-law only obeys orders and pleases the mother-in-law.
What is even more frightening is that this kind of mother-in-law often has such a concept: she will feel that the children born to her daughter-in-law are also from their families, shedding their family's blood, surnamed their family name, and once divorced, the daughter-in-law has no right to take the children.
I think this is most likely the main reason why Zhang Wen has ignored Yang Guang for so many years. We also see from the play that Yang Guang's grandmother repeatedly instilled in Yang Guang the view that his mother was a bad woman and his mother did not want him, which of course had her dissatisfaction with Zhang Wen, but more importantly, she hoped that Yang Guang would hate her mother, lest he return to his mother.
From Zhang Wen's point of view, with such a mother-in-law, will her life in marriage be better?
After Yang Guang's aunt accidentally said that she missed Zhang Wen's "jumping off the building", Yang Guang's grandmother described Zhang Wen's state at that time:
"Zhang Wen since she gave birth to you, that is not good, at that time, she was no one to touch, as long as she touched you, she was like being stepped on the electric door, screaming, no way, we will not touch it, who let you be born of her, but after a while it changed, she did not dare to look at you, she threw you to the head of the bed, looking at you in a daze, you cry she also cried, you cried her crying, you cried she cried louder, you cried she cried louder..."
This is a very obvious state of postpartum depression, but in the eyes of this mother-in-law, she only feels that the daughter-in-law does not want to live in peace, accuses the daughter-in-law of bullying her son, and is dissatisfied with the daughter-in-law not taking her grandson... You think, in such a situation, if Zhang Wen does not divorce, what will happen?
It can be said that at that time, Zhang Wen, divorce was the only way she could save herself. She later got married, had children, and became an expert in parent-child education, which just shows that her previous marriage, such a family environment, was an important factor that led to her inability to live a good life.
And such a family environment is inseparable from the concept of mother-in-law. It is because of such a mother-in-law that the daughter-in-law who falls into postpartum depression can only save herself through divorce, which is the reason for Zhang Wen's divorce.
Why am I saying this?
When I understood the reason for Zhang Wen's divorce through Yang Guang's grandmother's attitude towards Su Jingjing, layer by layer, I suddenly understood her— although I still didn't agree with her indifference to her son for so many years.
In this world, husband and wife cannot love each other, and mother and child cannot keep each other, which is a sad thing. But a woman, she can only be a good wife of others, the mother of others, only by becoming herself first. When Zhang Wen fell into a depressed state and could not extricate herself, and could not get the care of others, her only way out was to get out of such an environment.
At this point, she is commendable. At least, she knows how to save herself, rather than let herself sink in pain and eventually lead to tragedy.
In life, when I communicate with some mothers, I also learn that many mothers have had different degrees of postpartum depression. Being a mother is actually a very difficult thing, and because of this, we should learn to love ourselves, regardless of whether others will love you and understand you.
Of course, what I would like to say is that in the family, everyone does not exist in isolation, especially the elders, your ideological concepts have a major impact on the younger generations and even the whole family, it can be said that your concept also determines whether your family is harmonious and happy, and determines whether your offspring can grow up healthily.
Therefore, we must learn to keep pace with the times, not to fall into our own ignorance and stubbornly opinion, and to demand others with a strong attitude and thinking.
Just like Yang Guang's grandmother, who interfered with her son, complained about her daughter, and now she has to bind her grandson and granddaughter. She thinks she's all right, but who does she make happy?
About the author: Meet and miss, a woman who likes to read and write, focusing on the creation of articles in the emotional field and the analysis and answer of emotional questions, I hope that my words can accompany you warmly forward.