Why is it that children with better family conditions have worse self-motivation when they grow up?

Boy Pie

2024-06-03 09:34Posted in Anhui parenting field creators

Children who grow up in honey pots will never know how to work hard and forge ahead.

Don't let your excessive material enrichment cost your children their morale.

Author | Potato Mom

I have a nephew in my hometown, and his family conditions are not bad, and his parents are both civil servants in the county.

But this kid has a problem, that is, he is too "relaxed", so relaxed that he can't seem to lift up anything.

I heard my cousin say that he was the last in the class again in this exam. This is about to pass the high school entrance examination, but he is not in a hurry at all, and he looks indifferent.

The family used all kinds of tricks, rewarded, threatened, and even beat and scolded, but he just looked careless.

Taking advantage of the May Day holiday, my cousin brought my nephew to stay with me for a few days, thinking that I would enlighten him.

But as soon as my nephew came, he nested in the living room and played with his mobile phone every day.

I said to take him to climb the mountain, he was too tired to go, said to take him to the science and technology museum, he said "that's nothing to see", in short, he was not interested.

The cousin was depressed and helpless:

"Tell me, we haven't treated him badly since I was a child, he is good, day by day like that 'salted fish', lying flat ......"

In fact, not only the cousin's family, but many parents are now facing such an educational dilemma.

As soon as the child is born, the parents will give them whatever they want, and they don't have to worry about anything.

But as a result, the child is becoming less and less motivated, and he can't push or pull.

It is true that today's children "lack nothing", but this is precisely the problem.

This reminds me of a boy, Chen Shixin.

He was born in a small mountain village in Liangshan, Sichuan, and grew up in a poor family.

My father went out to work, my mother farmed at home, and my grandmother was paralyzed in bed.

At a young age, he had already learned to help his mother do all kinds of farm work, such as planting rice, cutting grain, and feeding pigs.

When he has free time, he will go to the mountains to collect mushrooms, pick tea leaves, or catch loaches in the ditch, and then take them to the county seat to sell.

Instead of buying snacks and toys, I saved up to buy books and school supplies.

Later, he went to junior high school in the county seat, and in order to save money, he chose to go to school, walking more than ten kilometers back and forth every day.

In winter, my feet have chilblains, which are unbearable and itchy; In summer, heavy rains often wet clothes and school bags, and shoes are filled with rainwater.

When I reached high school, I was more than 300 kilometers away from home, and I could only go home twice a year.

Life is still tight, he can only eat the cheapest meals and pick up discarded counseling books.

But all this did not stop his thirst for knowledge, but tempered his will.

With hard work, he was admitted to Nanjing University and chose his favorite major.

During his college years, he did not indulge in slack at all, and won various scholarships and certificates many times.

Here, he also found his lifelong goal, which he chose to pursue in Hong Kong to pursue a PhD.

In Chen Shixin, we can really feel what it means to be "poor and strong, and not fall into the clouds".

The most precious thing in him is the fighting spirit of a teenager, which is what we often call self-motivation.

Such a child has ideals and goals, and does not need the supervision of his parents, nor does he need the push and pull of external forces, as if he will continue to move forward with his own motor.

Unlike Chen Shixin, today's children have never suffered hardship or poverty, everything they want is at their fingertips, and naturally they have no motivation to struggle.

I once saw a doctor's mother in the imperial capital and compared her own and her son's learning status.

She has been motivated since she was a child, full of fighting spirit, and her studies all rely on self-management and self-restraint, and she finally fought from a small town to Beijing.

Nowadays, it is also a middle-class family, and the family has no worries about food and clothing, and travels at home and abroad when they have nothing to do.

But the children she raised with money are super Buddhist and have no fighting spirit, and many times she has to push it before she can barely take a step.

Just like @HarvardLiang's dad said, the better the family conditions, the more the child's self-motivation will fall.

In many of the families he had met, the children were hardly motivated or even interested in investing their time, even if the material conditions were good.

When encountering difficulties, the first reaction is to give up, because they know that there are parents behind them.

Some families, in fact, are not very wealthy, but they give too much to their children.

A family counselor said that when her son was two or three years old, she often traveled for business and did not have time to spend with the child, and felt indebted to the child.

So every time she came back, she bought whatever her son wanted.

No matter what the occasion or place, she couldn't bear to refuse her son's request, thinking that this would make up for him.

Over time, the son began to become desireless, no matter whether she praised or criticized, the son didn't care.

Even if he is always last in school, his son doesn't matter.

No matter how much delicious or fun you buy, you can't stimulate your son.

At this time, she recalled her previous education and hated that she was always satisfying her children without limits, resulting in children having no goals and pursuits.

If the child wants something that can be obtained without effort, he is really too lazy to work hard.

Many parents have stepped on such pits on the road to education.

Blindly enriching the material and satisfying the child excessively will destroy the child's self-motivation little by little.

Yu Minhong said in a speech: "It is impossible for my son to become the second Yu Minhong. ”

Because of his son's growth environment, he feels that he has a lot and can receive a good education, and he can buy anything he wants.

So no matter how much Yu Minhong encouraged his son to work hard, his son's fighting spirit was insufficient.

So what can parents do to help today's children awaken their self-motivation?

First of all, spending money on children will always be "three points" less than yourself.

I met a child who was tired of school and asked him why he didn't want to study, and he replied like this:

"How tired I am from studying, my mother gives me so much money now, my life is so good, what books do you read?

Besides, even if I am admitted to university, how much salary can I get a month, and now my mother gives me 5,000 pocket money a month.

Then what else do I read, I'll just gnaw on the old! ”

Educator Ling Mikawa has warned parents: Don't mold your children into another class in the family.

Regardless of family background, don't give too much materially and don't be responsive to your children's needs.

Because children who grow up in honey pots will never know how to fight and forge ahead.

Second, let the child have a proper "hunger pang".

In a parent-child program, host Zhu Dan said that her daughter played the piano once at a friend's house when she was more than 1 year old.

At that time, she was so excited that she immediately bought a piano for her daughter without saying a word.

Ying Caier criticized on the spot: "You are very wrong!" ”

Her son, Jasper, also wanted a piano when he was a child, but Ying Caier never bought it for him.

Instead, he told his son: "The piano is a bit expensive, but if you really want it, you should study it first, and when you learn it well, your mother will give it to you on your birthday." ”

Later, Jasper studied hard and made progress little by little, and even the teacher praised her, and Ying Caier also fulfilled her promise.

In fact, this is the "hunger education method", if the child immediately gives him what he wants, then it will become very cheap, because the child who gets it easily will not cherish it.

Only by making your child "hungry" can he be stimulated to "want to eat" and be more focused and engaged.

Third, allow children to have some "useless" hobbies.

There is a 9-year-old boy named Qiqi, who was introverted and shy when he was a child and did not like to talk.

His greatest hobby is studying all kinds of insects, and in order to see ants, he squats on the ground for an hour.

He would bring praying mantis and beetles home to raise, and in order to understand the characteristics of various insects, he would also take the initiative to read various books.

Over time, he knew more and more insects, and his classmates called him "Encyclopedia of Insects".

As a result, he has made a lot of new friends, and his personality has gradually become confident and cheerful.

He also set himself the goal of studying plant protection or insects at an agricultural university.

The child is tireless in doing what he loves, and he will have a passion to keep learning and delving.

Parents may wish to abandon their utilitarian intentions, take good care of their children's love, let them truly experience the joy of doing one thing without distractions, and the children's hearts will slowly form a strong self-drive.

Musk once said such a thought-provoking sentence in his speech:

"It's worrying that today's children's motivation to learn and progress comes almost entirely from external pressures and rewards.

As a result, they will have neither ambitious goals nor perseverance, a future that I don't want to imagine. ”

Don't let your excessive material enrichment cost your children their morale.

Give it a thumbs up and encourage all parents.

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