Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
A reader asked me for help.
She said that she was very good to her husband, the kind that pouted her heart and lungs. But her husband didn't appreciate it, never did housework, and never knew that he felt sorry for her.
She couldn't figure it out, didn't this man love me?
In response to her situation, I gave her a trick:
"Focus on your career, be as good as you can, get along with friends more in your spare time, and do more things to make yourself happy.
As for housework, you just need to do your part well, and don't help your husband anymore. ”
After doing this for a while, first of all, she herself has changed a lot. No longer internal friction, no longer staring at my husband all day long, no longer entangled in "whether he loves me or not".
What changed was her husband, who suddenly became nervous and even took the initiative to start doing housework.
Speaking of which, are you a little scoffy: doesn't this man know what to do? Be nice to him, he doesn't care. Took her back, but he was nervous?
In fact, this is human nature, there is a saying that "the favored have no fear".
People are like this, people who give love are easy to be ignored; The one who is loved will always be unscrupulous.
Now that we understand human nature, when we are with men, don't pay too much for some things.
Take it appropriately, be "ruthless" to him, and he will pay attention to you instead.
01
Moderately cold to men
A person is cold to you, but you are willing to be good to him. Then he won't appreciate it, he will only think that you are so good.
This situation abounds in marriage, many women work hard, take care of all the housework, take care of the children, and even raise their husbands as sons, worrying from head to toe.
But the result? You really raised your husband as a "son", not only getting lazier and lazier, but also turning a blind eye to your efforts. Where you can't do it properly, he still yells at you.
It's like, if he is the "king" of the family, you should revolve around him, and he can dictate to you.
For this kind of man, in fact, the best thing to do is 4 words: ignore him.
The better you treat him, the more you ask for warmth and care, the less he cares.
Because in his opinion, you should be nice to him, and he will feel that you are currying favor with him. The more attentive you are, the more he feels like he's holding you.
When we feel that we can hold a person, then we naturally don't care.
So, in this case, you have to try to recycle what you have done. Be cold to him, just do your duty and do your own thing.
You don't take him seriously anymore, and he can only take you seriously when he can't enjoy the convenience you give him.
02
Put yourself first
In marriage, it is easy for a woman to lose herself and revolve around her husband and children all day long.
Even actively and consciously, cut off all social interactions, and there are only two points and one line left in life.
Then, everything is dominated by men, constantly subduing him, catering to him, and even obeying him.
Maybe your original intention is to have a good marriage, hoping to get more love from a man.
But for a man, if he thinks he is determined to eat you, you should revolve around him and follow his wishes.
Let's say, it's raining and the man promises to pick you up from work. As a result, his friend called him to eat, and he asked you to take the bus by yourself. You say it's okay, you can do it yourself.
As a result, as soon as I got into the car, the man called again and asked you to go eat with you. Without even thinking about it, I immediately got off the bus and rushed to him.
If you get along with him, it's always been this pattern. Then for men, you can treat it casually, and you can "come when you are called, and leave when you linger".
If it becomes like this, how attractive are you in the eyes of men?
Do you think that if you are obedient, men will cherish you? On the contrary, he will look down on you.
So, you have to jump out of this mode and don't let the man feel like you're in control.
You have to have your own life, you have to have your own opinions. Whatever he tells you to do, you have to dare to say no.
If you don't want to go, just say no, he asks you to say that you are busy, and you can talk about it when you are done.
The main thing is not to put his feelings first, but to pay more attention to his own feelings.
Do you want to go? Would you like to do it? Are you happy? If the answer is no, then say no.
When you have your thoughts, your life, and when a man comes to you and finds it so difficult, he will be very curious about you, but he wants to be close to you more.
03
Don't forgive easily
A reader once asked me, "My husband did something that hurt me, and I forgave him." Why would he do it again? ”
My answer to her was, "Because you are easy to talk to, it is easy to forgive." He didn't pay any price for hurting you, so he would dare to do it again. ”
This is still human nature, when we find that a person is easy to bully, we will rest assured and bold to bully.
Because you know that he doesn't dare to resist bullying him, and he will forgive you, so what do you have to think?
It's the same in a relationship, when a man knows that you have no bottom line and can be forgiven with two casual coaxes, then he dares to hurt you blatantly.
So, if a man does something that hurts you, first, don't be soft-hearted. Second, don't tolerate it. Third, don't forgive easily.
If you don't have a bottom line from the beginning, and you are so easy to bully, it means that you have fueled the man's courage and given the man the opportunity to hurt you.
To put it more bluntly, if he dares to hurt you, he must make him pay the price, so that he can remember it for a long time.
I hope that every woman can try to be ruthless in the three aspects I mentioned above.
That man won't dare to despise you, and will even find you challenging.
Men are naturally chased, and they like to feel conquered. At this time, he will be nervous about you, and even afraid that if it is not good for you, you will leave him.