#长文创作激励计划#
The word emotional value has become a hot mess in recent years.
Everyone craves emotional value and wants support and comfort when they are tired.
But who should be the supplier?
Xi Rui, the debater of "Strange Sayings", once said:
Values in the world are all conserved, and if you get emotional value, then there must be someone whose emotions are exploited.
People are always mutual, and when others provide you with emotional value, you also have to learn to do "emotional feedback" for others.
Only in this way can the energy between each other circulate and nourish each other.
1
In the novel The Kite Runner, Amir and Hassan used to be inseparable playmates.
Amir has a hobby of flying kites, and Hassan runs with him and helps him pick up fallen kites.
Every time Amir asked Hassan if he would like to go kite racing for him, he would not hesitate to reply: "For you, a thousand times!" ”
Amir also likes to write stories, and Hassan is his only loyal listener.
Every time Amir read his short story to Hassan, Hassan listened carefully and gave him the highest praise.
Amir knew better than anyone that Hassan was good to him, but after spending time together, he took this affection for granted.
Because he didn't get his father's approval, Amir was often in a bad mood and often used Hassan as the object of his emotions.
He threw pomegranates at Hassan and accused him of stealing watches.
Disappointed, Hassan chose to leave silently, and disappeared from Amir's life forever.
Everyone's energy is limited, and constantly asking for emotional value from others is essentially overdrawing their energy to satisfy you.
And when the other person's energy is hollowed out by you, that is when the relationship comes to an end.
There used to be a mom-and-pop shop next to the café of writer Ai Xiaoyang, and after her husband died of a sudden myocardial infarction, his wife supported herself to make a living.
When she first took over, the business was very good, and many acquaintances would come to cheer her up.
But instead of thinking about how to entertain them, the wife complained to them every day.
After such a big change, everyone could understand her situation and began to try to comfort her.
doesn't admit it, it's been more than half a year, and she still complains when she sees people.
said that his life was unsatisfactory, how difficult life was, business was not good, old customers did not come, staff turnover was large, and it was tiring to support a store......
Slowly, the atmosphere in the store became more and more oppressive, and customers felt like they were on pins and needles after spending a while there.
Later, everyone simply stayed away, and her shop could no longer be opened, but could only be transferred.
Until she moved out, Ai Xiaoyang was still listening to her wife sigh that people's hearts were not ancient, saying that even the people who called her husband brothers and sisters back then did not miss the old love.
Psychologist Elbes says:
Empathy is a human instinct, and apathy is also a psychological "defense mechanism" that humans are born with to help people avoid certain problems.
Many times, it's not someone else who is insensitive.
It's your excessive emotional demands that cause others to fall into empathy burnout, which automatically sets up a protective shield against you.
No matter how good the relationship is, it can't withstand wanton consumption.
If you insist on asking others to unilaterally give energy to share your pain, sooner or later you will be met with disgust and disgust.
2
Interpersonal relationship expert @ Wuxianglou has proposed a "value closed-loop" theory:
That is, the value provided by both parties must be liquid and exchangeable, so as to form a stable circulation system.
The maintenance of all relationships is inseparable from the emotional nourishment of reciprocal energy.
Watching the TV series "Dajiang Dahe", the brotherhood between Song Yunhui and Xun Jianxiang is worth knocking.
After graduating, Song Yunhui was assigned to work as a worker in a chemical plant, and was able to meet Xun Jianxiang and become roommates.
The hard work in the workshop, coupled with the repeated deliberate difficulties of the leaders, made Song Yunhui taste the hardships of life.
During those days, he was both dazed and helpless.
Fortunately, Xun Jianxiang has always supported him by his side, caring for him as a younger brother.
Someone in the factory bullied Song Yunhui, and Xun Jianxiang would not hesitate to support him and tell him, don't be afraid, there is a brother.
Seeing Song Yunhui's painful appearance after the death of his relatives, Xun Jianxiang would nail a thick blanket to the door for him to insulate the sound, and then encourage him to cry whenever he wants, and vent his frustration to his heart's content.
And for everything Xun Jianxiang did for himself, Song Yunhui firmly remembered it in his heart.
Xun Jianxiang has an impatient personality, and everyone in the factory thinks that he is too unreliable, only Song Yunhui always trusts him and recognizes him.
When Xun Jianxiang was sad to fall out of love, Song Yunhui, who rarely drank alcohol, would prepare wine and food and accompany Xun Jianxiang to drink and relieve his sorrows.
When Xun Jianxiang encountered a bottleneck in starting a business, Song Yunhui would also listen to him patiently and relieve his worries.
Later, Xun Jianxiang was sentenced to five years in prison for beating someone.
After learning the news of Xun Jianxiang's release from prison, Song Yunhui, who has become an entrepreneur, deliberately put on his old work clothes and went to greet his former friend.
In the play, the two who reunited after a long absence looked at each other, looked at each other and smiled, and all their affection was silent.
People get along with each other, and there are contacts in order to have deep affection.
In the face of other people's emotional values, learn to feed back emotionally, so that each other's energy can flow and nourish each other.
reminds me of the "friendship between Han and Meng" in history.
Han Yu and Meng Jiao met in their early years, and although they experienced different life circumstances, their friendship has always been very good.
And that's because they know how to support each other emotionally.
Han Yu will give Meng Jiao sincere comfort when Meng Jiao is in the first place in the scientific expedition;
Meng Jiao will also give Han Yu deep regret and sincere encouragement when Han Yu's career is not going well.
On the long road of life, everyone will fall into a trough at some point.
The meaning of meeting is to empower each other and illuminate each other.
When both parties are able to give equal emotional energy, they will let each other develop a long-lasting affection in the interaction of sympathy.
3
Yu Dafu was the first friend Shen Congwen made after studying in Beijing.
At that time, Shen Congwen was struggling with his livelihood and was struggling to study, so he found Yu Dafu for help.
Yu Dafu not only listened carefully to Shen Congwen's difficulties, but also encouraged him to "keep writing, good articles are persistent".
What touched Shen Congwen the most was that Yu Dafu took out his few savings to invite him to dinner and bought a scarf for him.
Yu Dafu's appreciation and encouragement gave Shen Congwen unlimited motivation.
Since then, Shen Congwen has made up his mind to work hard, keep writing, and slowly emerge in the writing circle.
Although Yu Dafu is known as a university professor, his life has been frustrated everywhere, the magazine he founded was forced to close, his salary was low, and his marriage was unhappy.
Knowing this, Shen Congwen always gave encouragement and enlightenment to his friends in his own way while feeling sorry for him.
Slowly, Yu Dafu also began to slowly cheer up and start again.
Without Yu Dafu, Shen Congwen might die in a foreign country; Without Shen Congwen, Yu Dafu may sink for the rest of his life.
The two supported each other and achieved a good story in the literary world.
A good relationship is never about one party helping the poor, but about both sides being each other's nobles and supporting each other.
You give me emotional value, and I give you emotional support so that each other can become better versions of themselves.
is like the fairy friendship between Han Han and Fa Xiao Han Chunping.
At the beginning of Han Han's participation in the rally, he was ridiculed by many people around him because of his lack of experience and skills.
Only Han Chunping has been cheering him on, and often telling him all kinds of jokes to make him happy.
The inseparability of friends made Han Han both warm and touching.
Ten years later, when he won the trophy of the third annual drivers' championship, he specially wrote the article "Chunping, I did it", just to tell the other party that he had lived up to expectations.
And whenever Han Chunping has troubles, no matter how busy Han Han is, he will take time to listen to him, and Han Chunping will spare no effort to help him when he encounters difficulties.
Until now, the two have become brothers and sisters, not only have a tacit understanding between hearts and minds, but also have a righteous spirit to treat each other.
Feng Tang said: The best relationship is that people can achieve mutual nourishment, so that these very important relationships can accompany you for a long time.
No one in this world can always provide energy for anyone, and a truly long-term relationship can only come from two hearts that are willing to help each other.
Giving each other what they need, supporting each other to get through the bitter sea of life, is what a high-quality relationship should look like.
▽
I saw a very interesting analogy:
The essence of human interaction is like stepping on a seesaw, and the premise of harmonious coexistence lies in maintaining the balance and reciprocity of energy expenditure on both sides.
No one starts a relationship with the intention of consuming themselves.
The relationship that can last for a long time depends on the mutual "benefit" and "value" to be desirable.
Therefore, if you are depressed and live without light, in the end even the shadow will leave.
Learn to quit the underdog mentality, and don't forget to give back positive emotions while receiving the emotional value of others.
You pull me, I cross you, give each other full energy, in order to walk farther together, meet the broader mountains and seas.
Give it a thumbs up and encourage your friends.