"Everything About My Wife" was released in 2012 and was nominated for the Best Screenplay Award at the 33rd Korean Film Blue Dragon Awards, with a Douban score of 7.3 points, which is a good performance in the category of marriage ethics.
The theme of this film is about a dying love farce: after seven years of marriage, the cowardly and timid husband, because he can't stand his wife's domineering and nagging all day, pays for the next door, a male lover who claims to have never lost his hand in the love field, and seduces his wife in the name of love.
Behind the comedy, it is often the core of the tragedy. Although this label is a light-hearted romantic comedy, it is difficult to make people laugh out loud. Because for the audience who has experienced the ups and downs of marriage, this movie is not easy at all, but is covered with a layer of gray haze that is difficult to say.
Zhang Ailing said that life is a gorgeous robe, crawling with lice. This sentence of the genius Zhang Ailing, used to describe marriage, is not contrary to harmony at all. At the beginning of the film, the heroine, Sadahito, comes to Nagoya, Japan alone to learn cooking. Unexpectedly, a slight earthquake occurred in Japan that day, which made Zhenren, who was in a foreign country, panic and run into Douxian in the street. The excellent appearance and cute and pure temperament suddenly captured Dou Xian's heart, and the two fell in love at first sight.
The gorgeous chapter of love begins. But no matter how romantic the gorgeous story is, it can't stop the breeding of lice. After seven years of marriage, Jeong-jin and her husband Doo-hyun did not give birth to a child smoothly, and the two gradually lived a boring and suffocating life from the beginning of their love. When Zhenren squatted in the toilet, he did not knock on the door and walked in, skillfully handed him two large glasses of freshly squeezed juice, and then forcefully ordered him to drink it.
This is not only that, but also when the husband is squatting in the pit, standing by and nagging about the trivialities of life. And Dou Xian dared to be angry and did not dare to speak, he was very disgusted with his wife's absurd behavior, but he finally pretended to look relaxed and uneventful.
Xu Zheng had such an inner dialogue in "Love Call Transfer": Every minute from now on, I will know what happened, she is cooking, the same fried sauce noodles, the same boring TV series, people say seven years of itch, I have never itched, the problem is...
When his wife asked him why he wanted a divorce, he couldn't help but say the truest thoughts in his heart: You always wear that purple sweater at home, I am most annoyed with purple, I hate to see purple color you know? The cup for brushing teeth is always placed on the second floor of the shelf, not even a mark can be bad, toothpaste must be squeezed from top to bottom, I squeeze from it, what's wrong? Every Thursday is always fried sauce noodles, TV series. Also, when you eat noodles, can you not make that noodles keep swirling?
Even if there is no infidelity and betrayal, however, a lifeless life still makes a man lose his last desire for marriage. And the wife does not pay attention to the form of expression of love, but also let this love lose its original role. Not only that, but it also comes with the opposite side effect.
The seven-year itch in marriage, where is the itch? Itch in the trivialities of life, itch in the lifeless way of getting along, itch in both sides have lost the motivation to maintain a good relationship.
These things, compared to the dog's blood-splitting legs cheating on Xiao San, seem so insignificant, but they are the biggest truth that destroys the marriage.
People say that seven years is a copper marriage, tougher than iron, and not easy to rust. However, gorgeous tenacity is the appearance, and the core is full of grievances. The people who curl up in it, empty, depressed, helpless, miserable.
In today's society, the marriage itch has been greatly advanced, no longer limited to seven years. Three-year itches, one-year itches, or even months' itches abound. What impressed me particularly was the magnificent century wedding of Song Huiqiao and Song Zhongji in 2017, how many people gave the couple good wishes?
The result? In less than two years, this newlywed couple, who was favored by the whole world, this love that was praised by the whole world, quickly separated and disintegrated.
Marriages that were once so beautiful that they envied others and sweet enough to make the world jealous, could not escape the end of parting ways.
Do they love each other before they get married? Obviously loving. Just like in the movie, does Jeong-in love Douxian? Does Dou Xian love Zhen Ren? The answer is self-evident. They did not love the wrong person, but in the torrent of time, the person concerned forgot why they loved each other in the first place.
You hate her? But what you obviously liked at that time was her cheerfulness and liveliness? You hate him for being dull and boring? But at that time, you obviously looked at his real stability. When each other's characteristics become shortcomings in each other's eyes, there are gaps and estrangements in marriage.
Just like In Yi Shu's "The First Half of My Life", Chen Junsheng once loved Luo Zijun so deeply, but in the end he chose to leave her. In fact, they are still the same girl they were. It's just that marriage makes two people too familiar, familiar to the point of numbness and boredom. Therefore, in such a situation, he thinks that the other party is no longer cute and is no longer worthy of his own heart to love.
In the movie, Jeong-jin and Doo-hyun, in the seven-year marriage, are lost and forget their original intention of love. There is no passionate sex, no harmonious tacit understanding, no soul communication. They are in the cage of marriage, one constantly attacking, using nagging to vent loneliness, one constantly retreating, silently trying to do everything possible to escape.
Li Shimin said: Using people as a mirror can know gains and losses. I think the biggest significance of this movie is that each of us women should reflect on what we "do" in marriage through the role of Zhenren. Of course, the cowardice of her husband Dou Xian is equally hateful. But this article mainly explores how a contemporary woman should carry out the path of self-redemption in marriage.
01. Learn to express yourself and stop complaining endlessly
Anyone who has seen the movie knows that Zhenren loves to talk. However, is she communicating and sharing with Dou Xian, who is chattering all day long? No, she was just talking to herself. Every day she said to Dou Xian, she was a few daily thoughts, no nutrition trivia. Her mouth was like an out-of-control machine gun, and as soon as it was opened, it could no longer be closed.
Drucker, the father of modern management, said: "One must know what to say, one must know when to say, one must know to whom to say, one must know how to say." "The same is true of good communication between husband and wife, we need to care about each other's feelings, we need to pay attention to each other's feedback.
But what about Zhenren? She said it on any occasion, at any time, and probably didn't even realize what she was saying. She only wants to be happy with her own words, but she never pays attention to her husband's feelings. So we can clearly feel that Dou Xian's long-windedness toward Zhenren has reached the point of intolerable.
Some people joke that a woman's rambling can force a man to die. It can be seen that a woman's endless complaints and ramblings will affect a man's score for marital happiness.
We need to learn the right way to express it instead of annoying nagging. Chatting needs to be heartfelt, and talking needs to be measured.
02. Give each other a certain amount of self-space
When Kelly in "Sex and the City" is in love with the big people, she agrees with the big people that every weekend, she will go back to her single apartment, and the two people will be separated for two days for a short time. This way of getting along has eased the tension between the original day and night.
While we don't have to, a sense of space is a necessity to maintain an intimate relationship.
There is a hot question on the previous knowledge: Why do men like to sit in the car and smoke before they go home?
One of the high-ranking people replied: Because that is a demarcation point. In the car, a person is quiet, smoking a cigarette, and the body belongs to himself; but when you push the car door, you are chai rice oil and salt, a father, a son, a husband, but not yourself.
In order to avoid Jeong-jin, Doo-hyun desperately competes with his colleagues for a place to transfer to a different place, because he wants to have a space for himself too much. But I didn't expect that Zhenren also secretly followed. The moment he opens the door when he comes back from work, we can feel through the screen that his mood has suddenly fallen from the illusion of happiness to the despair of doom.
Each of us, in any relationship, needs room to breathe. The famous humanist Lin Caiyi said: Intimacy without boundaries is a terrible relationship. Women must not live themselves as the caretaker of the marriage and turn the husband into an escapee in a marriage.
03. Learn the ability to love yourself forever
(1) Emotional stability
"People always need two abilities, good speech and emotional stability"
When Zhenren was wearing pajamas and roaring at the newspaper delivery workers, she was like a mournful woman in the town; she went to her husband's company party, because she was not accustomed to the hypocritical faces of the wives of other colleagues, she shook them on the spot, and because she was too excited, the crutches hooked to the tablecloth, and the good table of dishes evolved into debris. She also accidentally injured the wife of her husband's boss, breaking into a catastrophe and making her husband lose face.
Napoleon once said: "The man who can control his emotions is greater than the general who can take a city." ”
An emotionally unstable woman, no matter how delicate the appearance, the soul is always frowning. It will turn you into a twisted-looking witch and keep those around you away. In the movie, Zhen ren hardly has a good friend, she lives her life in a mess, and her temper also makes the closest husband around her brain-wrenching.
As a woman, the first step in our love for ourselves is to realize the importance of emotional stability, learn to control emotions, and cultivate a stable and dignified temperament.
(2) Have a career pursuit
"Doing the job you love is the happiest thing in the world."
After having his own job, Zhenren brought out the characteristics of his love of talking to the fullest. Because dare I say, her poisonous and sharp style has made her a celebrity in the broadcast hosting industry, and she is liked by a large number of audiences. And she gradually shifted her focus from her husband to work. Gradually, she became different in her husband's eyes. Dou Xian looked at her staring at the computer and concentrating on her work, and there was slowly light in her eyes.
In the "Reader", I saw an article that shao a female celebrity, Wang Zhenyi, and instantly fell in love with her.
Wang Zhenyi was born in 1768 in Tianchang, Anhui Province, and only lived to be 29 years old. She was fluent in astrology, actuaries, poetry, and medicine, and wrote a lot in her short life. She studies how the earth is round and what a lunar eclipse is all about. As a female scientist in a feudal society, Wang Zhenyi broke through more than one cage.
She criticized that 'women and women should not recite and recite' and 'only do food and sewing', but should 'travel thousands of books and books, and try to be ambitious to overcome their husbands'..."
The appearance of a woman looking up at the moon must be more charming and admirable than when she bows her head around the trivialities of life. The world is so big, the universe is so vast, and human beings have climbed to the moon, we must not let our whole body and mind be trapped in the daily trivialities, or superficially stay in how to get the love of men, refuse to be a narrow woman.
(3) Rich in heart
In the movie, Zhenren often says these words: I don't know anything, I don't have hobbies, I don't have something I'm good at. After getting married, she forgot that she actually had a lot of things to do. For example, she loves good food and has a strong ability to cook; she has a strong ability to feel beauty and likes to collect exquisite tableware; and even wrote novels in the past, hoping to become a writer.
She gradually forgot all this, and every day she only knew how to bury her head in cooking for her husband to eat, but she no longer enjoyed the fun. She gradually lost herself, leaving only an empty shell, living an impetuous life without goals.
The longer such a day passes, the more it can kill the elegance and cuteness of a woman. How can a woman who is mentally empty and boring attract others to love herself?
It is also reasonable that her husband's love for her is decreasing.
And a woman with a rich heart, she has her own set of life philosophy. Firm in heart, the pace is not confused. They like to discover their own characteristics through their own personal exploration, and then take a path of their own in life, formulate their own aesthetic theory of life, and enrich themselves in interesting ways. They know how to live in peace with themselves and the world.
The ultimate goal of loving yourself is to learn to take control of your life. Let your spiritual world become richer and richer, let the inner small forest grow forever, let yourself grow in intimate relationships, and then dominate yourself.
The most beautiful plot of "Everything About My Wife" is the time when Zhenren and Love Saint got along. For Zhenren, it is also a journey of self-redemption.
The love saint is like another hidden virgin. He reminded her with infinite love and tenderness that she was a talented person, that she was an elegant and charming person, and that she should be a better version of herself. Eventually, she stopped complaining endlessly and learned to accept and appreciate herself, to appreciate everything around her. Her temperament began to soften, and she began to come up with dreams and courage to make changes. She saw the truth clearly: a seven-year marriage had made her the most hated way she was.
"Allow Yourself to Waste Time" has a deeply taken sentence: In the end of love, you must let the other party see what you are in the beginning. That is to say, no matter how far love goes, the feeling that the other party initially felt is still in you.
At the end of the movie, Jeong-jin sees through the essence of marriage, finds her lost self, and recreates what made her husband Doo-hyun fall in love with her at first sight. Finally, the two put down the mustard and broke the mirror to reunite.
Marriage should never be a place where women become ugly, but should be a place where women become more mature and charming, more intelligent and effective. May you and I, may every woman, not be lost in marriage, but in marriage, meet a better self.
[The content is original, and plagiarism must be investigated.] About the author: Lan Lailai, an elderly fresh young woman, chopping wood to feed horses, writing and practicing. Growth is endless, may you be a fellow traveler. 】